Is there a gay dating hierarchy? Where do I fit?

[geordie-bloke]

Tbh if someone asks where I'm from (which rarely happens since my accent is pretty clear) and I reply the UK they usually comment 'yeah I thought your accent was from there' and thats all that is asked. This is in person ofc. On apps, I am almost never asked my race.

Thought so. Natural Brit response. Ask a yank and 50% of the time it’s either another continent or a veritable xmas pudding of nationalities! don’t you find?

 

[JD_002]

I find kinda sad that people have to worry about this kind of stuff or why should be any kind of hierarchy of any type.

 

[Sexy123789]

I find kinda sad that people have to worry about this kind of stuff or why should be any kind of hierarchy of any type.

It is like that since we are kids. The popular kids. The Queen bees. The outcasts, theater kids, geeks, The last kids picked for dodgeball.

Human nature to categorize the desirable and give them social privilege over others. :/

 

[JD_002]

It is like that since we are kids. The popular kids. The Queen bees. The outcasts, theater kids, geeks, The last kids picked for dodgeball.

Human nature to categorize the desirable and give them social privilege over others. :/

1. Until you realize the popular kids are just losers.

2. Also if you allow them to.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

1. Until you realize the popular kids are just losers.

2. Also if you allow them to.

Unfortunately there definitely is such a thing as hierarchy and privileges that is only given by a collective. A single person cannot override that outlook on others. They may opt to not participate and may be more "fair or neutral".

There's so many types of privileges and pretending they dont exist is only possible from a privileged position ironically lol.

Not even getting into the controversial race privileges and such since everyone always counters it with valid points. But there is age privilege, pretty privilege (good looking peoplr are treated way WAY better than normal and those who don't even realize they are good looking may feel the world is just awesome.) Socioeconomic privilege. And so much more.

It's just human nature. We can try to reel it in a bit and mitigate it by being aware and acknowledging it but even that is an uphill battle. People thinking that anyone pointing this out is just being negative or just want to put others down.

 

[JD_002]

That shit can't affect me if I remove myself from it, knew long ago to stop trying to get the attention of the average looking white boy.

 

[Sexy123789]

That shit can't affect me if I remove myself from it, knew long ago to stop trying to get the attention of the average looking white boy.

You will still be judged based on your appearance (pretty privilege and height privilege have been proven many times over in university studies, the attractive are granted favors where the unattractive are ignored) assumptions on your socioeconomic status and being treated accordingly, masculine behavior will garner you more favorable attention than feminine the majority of the time.

Unless you hide behind a computer and simply consume porn for your pleasure; you won’t escape these realities.

 

[geordie-bloke]

That shit can't affect me if I remove myself from it, knew long ago to stop trying to get the attention of the average looking white boy.

May I ask what your ethnicity is? White MAN here with a taste in latinos in particular!

 

[geordie-bloke]

You will still be judged based on your appearance (pretty privilege and height privilege have been proven many times over in university studies, the attractive are granted favors where the unattractive are ignored) assumptions on your socioeconomic status and being treated accordingly, masculine behavior will garner you more favorable attention than feminine the majority of the time.

Unless you hide behind a computer and simply consume porn for your pleasure; you won’t escape these realities.

But surely he is escaping or rather freeing himself from them by not giving a shite??

 

[JD_002]

May I ask what your ethnicity is? White MAN here with a taste in latinos in particular!

Lol, I'm Latino.

 

[geordie-bloke]

Lol, I'm Latino.

Well there you go then! You shoulld move to the UK as we don’t consider Latinos a minority as such or a particular ethnicity as such. They blend with Spanish/ Italian/ Portugese - generally European - and face no prejudice. Our racists target black and (southeast) Asians for some reason. You’d actually possibly be quite the catch!

 

[JD_002]

I'm speechless, honestly, hahaha.

 

[geordie-bloke]

I'm speechless, honestly, hahaha.

Caveat of course is that if you’re a minger ur a minger no matter ur heritage!

 

[JD_002]

There's so many things to analyze from these comments alone, but I'm too tired as of now, though I gotta say, I have no problem pulling guys, I don't think I ever had it.

 

[Sexy123789]

But surely he is escaping or rather freeing himself from them by not giving a shite??

Hmmm….I guess that comes down to the social concept of privilege. If we replaced “beauty” and “height” with “white” I would imagine you would hear crickets chirping.

Granted the volume of work on racial disparities is vastly larger than the others, but those studies are no less academically rigorous. When people like what you have, you are treated better than those that are not. It is a social benefit of your existence. They even found children with symmetrical faces received for individualized, positive attention from teachers and children with off features to be more likely to be either ignored or disciplined. Beauty is constantly rewarded and reinforced. Not to say it does not have drawbacks, being turned into a bimbo or a sexual object would be frustrating for someone wanting to achieve respect or stature based on skills and knowledge.

 

[geordie-bloke]

Hmmm….I guess that comes down to the social concept of privilege. If we replaced “beauty” and “height” with “white” I would imagine you would hear crickets chirping.

Granted the volume of work on racial disparities is vastly larger than the others, but those studies are no less academically rigorous. When people like what you have, you are treated better than those that are not. It is a social benefit of your existence. They even found children with symmetrical faces received for individualized, positive attention from teachers and children with off features to be more likely to be either ignored or disciplined. Beauty is constantly rewarded and reinforced. Not to say it does not have drawbacks, being turned into a bimbo or a sexual object would be frustrating for someone wanting to achieve respect or stature based on skills and knowledge.

Every rose has its thorn. I’m not super tall (as in 6’5” plus at least those heights frequent dating apps) but I hit 6’2” at some point and I remember being told by a (shock horror) shorter/ average kid at senior (high?) school that I was rigid, stiff like a board and needed to relax, blend in and be “cooler” … basically slouch more. Took me until my twenties to fix postural problems from overdoing that just to belong or at least not stand out so much. I’m no spring chicken and this was when the average height was quite a bit shorter (these days guys are getting taller and I experience what its like looking upwards to talk to younger guys and it feels … odd!).

At least a couple of morals here:

1. we all think that we want what we don’t have and I so wished to be a normal height so I wouldn't’ feel like like a freak, and

2. it truly is often (often being a significant caveat word) all about confidence and how you embrace what you are, own it and leverage it. Took me until my mid twenties to fully correct my posture and carry myself and my height confidently.

 

[JD_002]

You'll all be happier once you realize caring about this kinda of stuff will only make you miserable, get you someone who likes for you who you are and they don't, ditch them.

 

[Sexy123789]

Every rose has its thorn. I’m not super tall (as in 6’5” plus at least those heights frequent dating apps) but I hit 6’2” at some point and I remember being told by a (shock horror) shorter/ average kid at senior (high?) school that I was rigid, stiff like a board and needed to relax, blend in and be “cooler” … basically slouch more. Took me until my twenties to fix postural problems from overdoing that just to belong or at least not stand out so much. I’m no spring chicken and this was when the average height was quite a bit shorter (these days guys are getting taller and I experience what its like looking upwards to talk to younger guys and it feels … odd!).

At least a couple of morals here:

1. we all think that we want what we don’t have and I so wished to be a normal height so I wouldn't’ feel like like a freak, and

2. it truly is often (often being a significant caveat word) all about confidence and how you embrace what you are, own it and leverage it. Took me until my mid twenties to fully correct my posture and carry myself and my height confidently.

Confidence to me is like an apex masculine feature. It creates a powerful charisma that is magnetic. I am drawn to it, especially when it is an accompanied with a playful, kind, kinky, or good-humored personality.

 

[geordie-bloke]

Confidence to me is like an apex masculine feature. It creates a powerful charisma that is magnetic. I am drawn to it, especially when it is an accompanied with a playful, kind, kinky, or good-humored personality.

Nice one, I tick all those budy except maybe for kinky ... that all depends upon the chemistry and, despite my stature and inevitably (97ish% of the time) playing the more "dominant" role, I get super filthy being with a guy who ignores my size and takes control. Super Hot!!!! And I'm not talking top or bottom here, more sexual aggression (in a "healthy" way). And I LOVE a super dirty talker!!!!

 

[geordie-bloke]

There's so many things to analyze from these comments alone, but I'm too tired as of now, though I gotta say, I have no problem pulling guys, I don't think I ever had it.

I hope I caused no offense - assuming ur a yank y'all are a bit sensitive when is comes to talking about race and ethnicity. They say racism is more "covert" in the UK which may be true, but our warmth is overt enough to transcend barriers around what constitutes reasonable language (within reason, of course). For example, I had an American acquaintance scold me for using the word "oriental" cos when we say Asian we inevitably mean Indian, PAkistani, SE, etc. Apparently it's a racist term?