First time on dating apps, should I lower my expectations?

[justaboredguy]

So I’ve recently came to terms with myself and finally said in gay to myself out loud, naturally the first step was telling a close family member, it went great. So far only one person knows.

I’ve never done dating apps before only been on hookup apps. So I match with this guy, he’s handsome a few years younger which kinda bothered me but we exchanged Snapchat and we got talking, so the first day we talked about everything, we both agreed we weren’t looking for sex we where looking for something more, the next day we chat but the whole day he’s making everything sexual I’m a young man I love sex but we told each other we wanted more like if I wanted just sex I’d be on grindr.

I’m not exactly sure what to do now as the 3rd day I've heard nothing from him he's gone quiet, I get that people have lives but I’m new to this and I’m already got the feeling he’s got bored, am I wrong? Does it sound like he’s just looking for a quick bunk up? I’m confused.

 

[LPSG Simon]

Probably looking for a 'right now' kind of scenario.

IMO I have always found apps to be bad for meeting people I'd actually want to get to know in that they lend themselves to people being a bit half-assed in the commitment of their approach. Add the classic layer of people you like not replying and mostly getting approached by those you dont like, and it ends up with a lot of frustration and time wasting.

IMO apps are good for open minded sex-seeking (I've made some great friends and had long term relationships from them, but dont go in looking to count on it).

If you want reliable chemistry, I would look for in-person ways to meet people like a local gay sports league or some other social club. That way you know you have something more in common with the people around off the bat than them being merely xxx-feet-away. Plus they're sharing a social arena with you so they have to be a bit more accountable in how they socialize.

 

[ILoveGames48]

So I’ve recently came to terms with myself and finally said in gay to myself out loud, naturally the first step was telling a close family member, it went great. So far only one person knows.

I’ve never done dating apps before only been on hookup apps. So I match with this guy, he’s handsome a few years younger which kinda bothered me but we exchanged Snapchat and we got talking, so the first day we talked about everything, we both agreed we weren’t looking for sex we where looking for something more, the next day we chat but the whole day he’s making everything sexual I’m a young man I love sex but we told each other we wanted more like if I wanted just sex I’d be on grindr.

I’m not exactly sure what to do now as the 3rd day I've heard nothing from him he's gone quiet, I get that people have lives but I’m new to this and I’m already got the feeling he’s got bored, am I wrong? Does it sound like he’s just looking for a quick bunk up? I’m confused.

Dating apps are a joke.. you talk to guys say they want this that or the other.. then will only be with certain type of guys .. .. they want you to be a perfect 10 while they are a 3 ..

 

[justaboredguy]

Dating apps are a joke.. you talk to guys say they want this that or the other.. then will only be with certain type of guys .. .. they want you to be a perfect 10 while they are a 3 ..

I’m starting to realise, this guy was perfect to start out with we talked for hours on the first day and he seemed to be my type, nice and chill then the next day everything was about sexual stuff so it was clear what he wanted and when I wouldn’t play into the conversation he went quiet and hasn’t really spoke to me since, so I have my answer.

 

[playklax01]

Even dating apps vs hookup apps, many guys are only looking for 'now'. It's hard, I totally get it. I'm in the same boat as you. I'm not into hooking up, I like dates (plural!) first and see how things go after a while. And this is all still new to me. I was with someone for over 20 years, now single. Back then it was a totally different environment with gay clubs and stuff. This new age with phones and apps, I'm still trying to navigate it properly...

 

[justaboredguy]

Even dating apps vs hookup apps, many guys are only looking for 'now'. It's hard, I totally get it. I'm in the same boat as you. I'm not into hooking up, I like dates (plural!) first and see how things go after a while. And this is all still new to me. I was with someone for over 20 years, now single. Back then it was a totally different environment with gay clubs and stuff. This new age with phones and apps, I'm still trying to navigate it properly...

Unbelievably hard, I've never done dating apps, hookup apps are pretty easy to navigate but it's the fact men are the hard part. I just don't understand them how they work. they're so complicated and flaky. I don't do gay bars as I've just came out so I don't really know the gay side of things like clubs and bars etc I've only ever known apps and social media which is awful always has been, always will be.

 

[playklax01]

Unbelievably hard, I've never done dating apps, hookup apps are pretty easy to navigate but it's the fact men are the hard part. I just don't understand them how they work. they're so complicated and flaky. I don't do gay bars as I've just came out so I don't really know the gay side of things like clubs and bars etc I've only ever known apps and social media which is awful always has been, always will be.

Back in the day (20+ years ago), there used to be tons of gay clubs in Boston, where I am. Now there's like 2-3 I think, and not the scene I remember. One is drag focused, the other is leather. There's a new one that supposed to be more traditional, I'm going to check it out soon (with the lowest of expectations) with a friend.

Apps are tough. I could be talking nicely to someone over a couple of days, everything going well, all of the sudden no response for a while... like WTF? They're flaky, like you said. Then there's the 'I'm not looking for sex right away"...ten minutes later..."Wanna come over and f***?"

There's no easy way...

 

[justaboredguy]

Back in the day (20+ years ago), there used to be tons of gay clubs in Boston, where I am. Now there's like 2-3 I think, and not the scene I remember. One is drag focused, the other is leather. There's a new one that supposed to be more traditional, I'm going to check it out soon (with the lowest of expectations) with a friend.

Apps are tough. I could be talking nicely to someone over a couple of days, everything going well, all of the sudden no response for a while... like WTF? They're flaky, like you said. Then there's the 'I'm not looking for sex right away"...ten minutes later..."Wanna come over and f***?"

There's no easy way...

Same situation talking to this lad, granted I'm lucky in this sense as he showed his true colours straight away so I wasn't emotionally invested. But I gave him my snapchat which I never give anyone (only have family on there) I was 100% honest and still ended up getting ghosted. It's my first real experience of online dating and every thing I've heard from online dating has been horror stories.

 

[ariesgeorge]

So I’ve recently came to terms with myself and finally said in gay to myself out loud, naturally the first step was telling a close family member, it went great. So far only one person knows.

I’ve never done dating apps before only been on hookup apps. So I match with this guy, he’s handsome a few years younger which kinda bothered me but we exchanged Snapchat and we got talking, so the first day we talked about everything, we both agreed we weren’t looking for sex we where looking for something more, the next day we chat but the whole day he’s making everything sexual I’m a young man I love sex but we told each other we wanted more like if I wanted just sex I’d be on grindr.

I’m not exactly sure what to do now as the 3rd day I've heard nothing from him he's gone quiet, I get that people have lives but I’m new to this and I’m already got the feeling he’s got bored, am I wrong? Does it sound like he’s just looking for a quick bunk up? I’m confused.

The thing is you can't always take people at face value. I'm not shallow but I'm really sexual and I lack patience but once I see things are progressing I'm good. There's definitely times when it can seem like I just wanna get you pregnant and then say goodbye but that's not the reality. The best thing to do is ask if he'd like to meet for a drink. Set your boundaries and respect his. If he doesn't want to meet then move on unless he gives you a good reason. Don't go into any chat expecting to find the love of your life and go with the flow. Finally, if you're interested then let them know.

 

[kbj23]

The thing is you can't always take people at face value. I'm not shallow but I'm really sexual and I lack patience but once I see things are progressing I'm good. There's definitely times when it can seem like I just wanna get you pregnant and then say goodbye but that's not the reality. The best thing to do is ask if he'd like to meet for a drink. Set your boundaries and respect his. If he doesn't want to meet then move on unless he gives you a good reason. Don't go into any chat expecting to find the love of your life and go with the flow. Finally, if you're interested then let them know.

I like what you said about not going into chats expecting to find the LoYL. Thats so true.
currently i find it hard to see the distinction between dating apps and hookup apps. People go on these apps for same reason...to eventually get laid. I dont want to say dont expect...because you may never know! But see these apps as opportunities to test your resolve...and find yourself. Chat with as many people as you can. I would rather you dont limit yourself to specific people or preferences. Open your mind...and see where they take you. You may be genuinely surprised.
Cheers

 

[justaboredguy]

I like what you said about not going into chats expecting to find the LoYL. Thats so true.
currently i find it hard to see the distinction between dating apps and hookup apps. People go on these apps for same reason...to eventually get laid. I dont want to say dont expect...because you may never know! But see these apps as opportunities to test your resolve...and find yourself. Chat with as many people as you can. I would rather you dont limit yourself to specific people or preferences. Open your mind...and see where they take you. You may be genuinely surprised.
Cheers

Thank you, I've been exploring and basically your right dating apps are the same as hook up apps, every conversation i've had always leads down the same road which is basically they want to hook up, I'm not opposed to hook ups but I've been there done that. with me I live in a small area and well when you live in a small area everyone has slept with everyone and it kinda grosses me out I don't really want that anymore I'm looking for someone who hasn't been with everyone.

 

[kbj23]

Thank you, I've been exploring and basically your right dating apps are the same as hook up apps, every conversation i've had always leads down the same road which is basically they want to hook up, I'm not opposed to hook ups but I've been there done that. with me I live in a small area and well when you live in a small area everyone has slept with everyone and it kinda grosses me out I don't really want that anymore I'm looking for someone who hasn't been with everyone.

It may be hard to find "someone who hasnt been with everyone"....but dont give up.

Everyone may have a past...some people may want to move out of that past and settle down for good. So be open minded about it. But like said...just have good and genuine chats with everyone and see where it goes

 

[ariesgeorge]

Thank you, I've been exploring and basically your right dating apps are the same as hook up apps, every conversation i've had always leads down the same road which is basically they want to hook up, I'm not opposed to hook ups but I've been there done that. with me I live in a small area and well when you live in a small area everyone has slept with everyone and it kinda grosses me out I don't really want that anymore I'm looking for someone who hasn't been with everyone.

Sounds like you want to start something new in a big city...