Bi friend and bf
- Thread starter Sexyguy
- Start date
I think you have amazing instincts and strong emotional intelligence from the posts I've read. Not everyone has that on this site and so it's important to take various pieces of advice with a grain of salt.
Yes, tell the guy you're seeing what is going on. Communication is key and hiding things is not a healthy pattern to establish, especially early in this relationship. You communicating to the person you're in a relationship with now to let him know there's another guy who wants to fuck you is not a bad thing. I've had a partner who is in the situation (having other guys who want to have sex with him – it happens in the gay community especially and I don't think it's that far fetched!) and communicates that all the time and I appreciate the openness. I can't say I've always loved the person on the other end who wants to fuck him but, other times, I've also found it very hot. There's a world where, if the dynamics are right, you could have an open relationship where you can have sex with your friend and continue your relationship with this other person... but it all takes open communication or else it is cheating.
I posted my last comment before reading this.
You having an open relationship does not give your friend what he wants... You have the power to set the terms and boundaries around this. For example, you can choose to be in an open relationship where you don't hook up with people who are cheating on their partner. And he would still need to break up with her but that doesn't mean you two would be in a relationship, you'd still just be hooking up.
It sounds like the biggest thing is that you need to figure out what you want. In regards to open relationships, I'd encourage you to read (or listen to the audio book) of a very popular, well-established book The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures which talks about how to do these things in ways that feel ethical and not gross. Look to others who've done it before for advice... and not just random ass people like us who may or may not know what we're talking about.
I agree and, to build on this, one thing reading The Ethical Slut did for me was it help me understand that certain uncomfortable emotions – like even jealousy – are not abnormal... I don't think open relationships are 100% comfortable for anyone at first, so it's good to have help sorting through what the healthy emotions are and what the unhealthy ones are. There's a lot of unlearning we need to each do about what's okay and what's not... monogamy isn't inherently right, it's just been beaten into us by society. And so sometimes it feels bad (guilt!) to go against that, even when open relationships can be great.
Cheers man. We talked about it some more and agreed that we’ll try an open relationship and see how it’s goes, we can always change later if it doesn’t work. He’s done it before but I haven’t so we’ll see. In a way it may be good as he’s a total top and I’m vers so gives me the chance to top sometimes too. And the thought of him fucking other guys is also a bit of a turn on.
Not sure what to do about my friend yet though. He’s meant to be coming round tonight for us to talk so be interesting to see what he says…
Thank you and thanks for the update! Happy for you, and for the new experience. How was last night?
Yeah it was good. We chatted for a long time and he said he was still really unsure what to do and needed longer to figure it out. I told him that with the guy I’m seeing we’d agreed to have an open relationship. We then ended up having a few drinks and well that resulted in us fucking and him staying over. I’m just gonna go with the flow now. Him cheating on his gf is his issue to deal with if it comes out. I’m seeing a guy I’m into and as we’re open and agreed to tell each other everything I’m not cheating. And it’s good sex haha.
I'm late to party, but it has been a few months now since your last post.
What has happened?
Did it work out for you?
Is working out so far, still with the guy I was seeing and the open relationship is working well for us at the moment. He’s fine with me playing with my friend
Been fucking with my mate roughly once a week, which is a bit more regular than we were before. I do feel bad for his gf but I’ve been clear if she finds out it’s on him.
So at the moment I’m just getting plenty of dick lol
- ipex,
Sorry, but you make it sound like everything is about you and your needs - but there are other people involved too, namely his GF. You say "if she finds out it's on him" but actually it's also on you. It's great that you're in an open relationship but the thing to remember is that she is not. I believe she deserves to know what's happening so she can make her own decision as to whether it suits her or not. You were given the choice of an open relationship - but she hasn't been given a choice about whether she wants to be in this position (her BF fucking other people) because nobody has been man enough to be honest with her.
Guys just to give a bit of an update on this as has changed A LOT over last few months and now I’m back in a tricky position!
So about October time I broke up with my bf, it just didn’t work out. My friend then suggested we go on holiday to ‘cheer me up’ to which his gf agreed so we went away together. For the whole week we basically acted as a couple. After that week he said he can’t go back to his gf, I’m what he wants and the week away just made him finally sure of that.
So…he broke up with his gf and told everyone he was bi and that he wanted to be with me. This as you can imagine was super messy and created a lot of drama.
We’ve therefore been together and monogamous since early November. At the start I was literally delighted as this is what I’ve wanted for years. But….now I’m starting to feel like I’m not sure this is what I want and that maybe the reality of being together doesn’t live up to the fantasy/dream of being with him I had.
He has given up so much to be with me and alienated a lot of his friends/family so I don’t feel like it’s an easy one to even bring up with him.
Should I just try to make it work for a bit longer and see how it goes?
So about October time I broke up with my bf, it just didn’t work out. My friend then suggested we go on holiday to ‘cheer me up’ to which his gf agreed so we went away together. For the whole week we basically acted as a couple. After that week he said he can’t go back to his gf, I’m what he wants and the week away just made him finally sure of that.
So…he broke up with his gf and told everyone he was bi and that he wanted to be with me. This as you can imagine was super messy and created a lot of drama.
We’ve therefore been together and monogamous since early November. At the start I was literally delighted as this is what I’ve wanted for years. But….now I’m starting to feel like I’m not sure this is what I want and that maybe the reality of being together doesn’t live up to the fantasy/dream of being with him I had.
He has given up so much to be with me and alienated a lot of his friends/family so I don’t feel like it’s an easy one to even bring up with him.
Should I just try to make it work for a bit longer and see how it goes?
Yes, it has only been a few months. Let the dust settle and try to focus on the things that you liked about him since the beginning. Have you asked him how he is feeling?
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