How do you deal with rejection from someone you already had sex with?

[Luke Yestizter]

TW: nothing bad, just a very strange experience

How do you deal with rejection from a person with whom you already had sex ?

Most guys that I had sex with, when I see them again, it’s an automatic yes, and we go again.

However, I see this guy regularly when I go to a cruising bar; we had sex once, and then every time I saw him again I try to initiate, but he always rejects my advances.

I know not to take this personally, but today, I saw him again (I really, really regret having initiated sex with him twice today; he looked away as soon as he saw me, yet I still debased myself by initiating and getting rejected), but he’s really my type and I saw him making out with another guy and jerking him off while completely ignoring me. Second time initiating, I was sitting next to him and playing with his hand, but he did not seem interested in me at all, but he was full on making out with another guy and let him suck his dick (he didn’t let me touch his dick this time).

The last time I saw him, perhaps a month ago, I initiated once and got rejected. The second time I initiated, he let me jerk him off a bit, but refused to let me do more (we made out and sucked each other the one and only time we had sex).

I know not to take this personally, and I had fun with other guys today too, but I can’t stop thinking about this guy and how he kept rejecting me and I still keep initiating. I really should not have, I feel so devalued right now. I already got rejected all times after that one time we had fun, yet I kept trying, I really should not have.

Perhaps it’s time for me to quit going to these kind of cruising places?

Any advice, experiences, thoughts, etc, welcome.

 

[Lord_of_Goon]

You could always ask him. Maybe tone down your advances too. If you want to play games you could find guys you have seen him with and get on with them and see his reactions.

 

[Luke Yestizter]

You could always ask him. Maybe tone down your advances too. If you want to play games you could find guys you have seen him with and get on with them and see his reactions.

I think I initiated with him way too much and he thinks I’m too available. He was not even interested in talking to me at all. But I’m not really interested in playing games.

I think I have to stop going to these places because even though I had many good experiences, these bad ones are the ones that haunt me and burn into my memory.

I guess when I’m excited, I don’t think, and right now is the post-nut clarity, I feel so devalued. Why did I initiate three times with someone who rejected me so many times and accepted me only once? And why do I need that final acceptance from him again? I don’t know

 

[dreamer20]

How do you deal with rejection?..Most guys that I had sex with..we go again. However 1 guy, @ the cruising bar; every time he rejects my advances...Perhaps it’s time for me to quit cruising places?
Any advice..etc, welcome.

Hi Luke. I'll refer to OP's guy as MT. If MT refused your advances, multiple times, the right thing to do was leave him alone. To do otherwise could lead to accusation & conviction for sexual harassment. Lord was correct to advise you to simply ask MT why he doesn't want sex with you. But I wouldn't give him a second thought. Move on to seeing someone else. Ensure that you communicate with one another about what pleases/displeases you before and during sex.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

If we're being honest, it kind of sounds like you're stalking him at this point and your persistence is probably just weirding him out

 

[chancesare]

Some guys like the thrill of new guys and don't repeat. Stop coming on to him and move on. Don't overthink it.

 

[Luke Yestizter]

Hi Luke. I'll refer to OP's guy as MT. If MT refused your advances, multiple times, the right thing to do was leave him alone. To do otherwise could lead to accusation & conviction for sexual harassment. Lord was correct to advise you to simply ask MT why he doesn't want sex with you. But I wouldn't give him a second thought. Move on to seeing someone else. Ensure that you communicate with one another about what pleases/displeases you before and during sex.

Thank you for this. I didn’t really think because usually, the guys I have sex with, we form a connection and we go at it again the next time we see each other.

Perhaps it’s the thrill of the chase like another comment said, now that he had gotten me, he lost interest all together.

I slept on it and I really do regret having kept trying for so many times and I probably weirded him out, from now on, one rejection and I won’t initiate with the same guy.

I guess for me, sometimes they’re not in the right mood at the moment, but they would be down later. I think trying so hard to get someone who rejected me so many times is really disgusting, and I honestly felt so much shame yesterday even though I had fun with other hot guys, and I couldn’t help thinking about this one guy… but I’ve gotten over it now.

I don’t know what led to this much desperation for me to get him to accept me one more time, even though I have not changed at all since the last time I had sex with him.

I will be avoiding these cruising places for the time being, my value as a human is much more than my physical appearance.

 

[Tomguy99]

He already had you, you already had him.

Sometimes that’s all it is.

 

[opinionman]

Yes

TW: nothing bad, just a very strange experience

How do you deal with rejection from a person with whom you already had sex ?

Most guys that I had sex with, when I see them again, it’s an automatic yes, and we go again.

However, I see this guy regularly when I go to a cruising bar; we had sex once, and then every time I saw him again I try to initiate, but he always rejects my advances.

I know not to take this personally, but today, I saw him again (I really, really regret having initiated sex with him twice today; he looked away as soon as he saw me, yet I still debased myself by initiating and getting rejected), but he’s really my type and I saw him making out with another guy and jerking him off while completely ignoring me. Second time initiating, I was sitting next to him and playing with his hand, but he did not seem interested in me at all, but he was full on making out with another guy and let him suck his dick (he didn’t let me touch his dick this time).

The last time I saw him, perhaps a month ago, I initiated once and got rejected. The second time I initiated, he let me jerk him off a bit, but refused to let me do more (we made out and sucked each other the one and only time we had sex).

I know not to take this personally, and I had fun with other guys today too, but I can’t stop thinking about this guy and how he kept rejecting me and I still keep initiating. I really should not have, I feel so devalued right now. I already got rejected all times after that one time we had fun, yet I kept trying, I really should not have.

Perhaps it’s time for me to quit going to these kind of cruising places?

Any advice, experiences, thoughts, etc, welcome.

,Yes, you should stop making advances to him, even if he IS your "type." Best to move on.

 

[JD_002]

If I don't repeat with someone it's because I realize I'm not attracted to them or because I didn't felt comfortable enough last time to try again.

 

[chrisrobin]

It isnt a nice thig to get rejected but brother you really do have to take it on the chin and move on. I was seeing this guy three times a week for sex, cock sucking, rimming and getting fucked and fucking so it was the full deal. About 6 weeks into this regular thing, having just experienced a magnificent fucking from him I asked, as he was leaving when we could do it again. Sorry he said, not interested anymore, it's not as if you are anything special - and he left. Needless to say I was hurt and angry so when I saw him out I looked over and waved, he sort of nodded but then obviously turned away, and, I have to say I did move on.
Its not worth the hassle, suffer the indignity with grace and seek pastures new.

 

[uncuttexasdad]

I had a gf once we had tremendous foreplay and cumming just no sex until she was on the pill. She initiated the fucking. I came twice including pounding her so hard our pubic bones ached ( she was pulling me in with her ankles!). The next day I had a trip out of town and when called her that evening she was pissed. There were no cell phones then and where I was not even a pay phone.
That didn’t sit well at all “you could have found a phone; I guess last night didn’t mean anything to you”. We broke up, she moved on and Lo and behold 35 years later she lives in Houston too. I havent contacted her; but she could see that I looked her up on LinkedIn I wonder if she still gets as wet as she used to

 

[bravesoldier]

His actions are your answer, he doesn't want you again. Bad thing for you, like me once recently, he is your type and that makes for a strong desire. But for whatever reason he doesn't want to do anything again. After I tried with my interest and after a couple of indirect turn downs, I never entertained the thought of asking again. Two, or even one refusal is enough for me. I don't make a habit to chase after anybody, not that I think that is what you are doing.

Best of luck.

 

[opinionman]

It isnt a nice thig to get rejected but brother you really do have to take it on the chin and move on. I was seeing this guy three times a week for sex, cock sucking, rimming and getting fucked and fucking so it was the full deal. About 6 weeks into this regular thing, having just experienced a magnificent fucking from him I asked, as he was leaving when we could do it again. Sorry he said, not interested anymore, it's not as if you are anything special - and he left. Needless to say I was hurt and angry so when I saw him out I looked over and waved, he sort of nodded but then obviously turned away, and, I have to say I did move on.
Its not worth the hassle, suffer the indignity with grace and seek pastures new.

Wow. What an asshole.

 

[chrisrobin]

Wow. What an asshole.

Indeed, but as it was my asshole that was being screwed I have to think of another word - prick

 

[Almost40]

Guys , it's simple, just get your shit together and move on. I find it easier to move on. And sometimes it's done on purpose, like I pick guys who are not available, maybe married guys. just a good fuck and nothing more than that. They just go back to their wives and that's it.

 

[Thirsty4d]

Another dick, another day. Integrity is attractive…once you show it , he may see YOU again.

 

[gwm4gam]

Having been on both sides of this, there's one thing I will never do (call me old fashioned if you will) but I wont ever lead someone on. This happens far too often and in my opinion it's the worst thing you can do to someone. so, by him essentially calling it quits that is actually probably helping you out or maybe he's looking out for your emotions...

If someone suddenly "friend zone's" you. or denies you continued fun after y'all been messing around, and seemingly without notice, just understand you're not alone. People here say move on like it's just that simple and trust me, I know it's not.

Sounds like you might have developed feelings for the guy and when you equate emotion with sex, that usually implies relationship and commitment and that does scare a lot of guys away... far too often in my opinion. not knowing a lot about the situation , he may have sensed these "feelings" from you and if he's not able to meet you half way, then there's not much you can do.. he may have seen this coming so what I recommend is to take the positives from this experience with him... , did you learn anything about yourself that you didnt know before? did you learn noting about interacting with other guys that you didnt know before? did you... did you learn anything about your sex life that you didn't know before.. whenever something like this happens to me, I always think about... when you're in a friendship or relationship, or fwb or whatever.. every one of these is essentially a compartmentalized mini-relationship.. and with any relationship they have to meet you 50/50.. so when you ask yourself if you're better off now/worse off now/or the same.. that should hopefully tell you that he may or may not have been the right guy for you anyway. sometimes the best sex you will ever have with someone is with guys who are just not available. it sucks.. almost like the universe is doing everything in its power to prevent you from being happy.

another thing to keep in mind is that many guys are unlike you (and me too actually) have a bouncer guarding their "feelings", and sex is like, meeting someone out side the bar to have a cigarette...some folks treat sex to a point where it's such not a big deal that it almost becomes compulsory or even habitual. like they burn though guys faster than a disposable Bic razor. personally, I dont like to "burn my bridges" so to speak and I do cherish all of my connections.. it's really challenging when you are, we'll say.... infatuated? with someone and they suddenly give you the cold shoulder.

you generally do have one opportunity when/if you do talk to this person, and you can tell him how you feel about him and see how he responds. since he's already rejected you, this opportunity places the ball back in his court again and then at that point you have to move on if he doesn't respond in the way you want. if he's already asked you once to stop, trust me, you should just respect his wishes because any continued engagemeant might disrupt his peace.

finally, I will say that some guys will literally tel you straight to your face... hell no not gonna happen, impossible... but what happens today is not the same as what will happen tomorrow. tomorrow is a totally different story, this is especially true in big cities and when guys are often under the influence *wheeeee* at bars/clubs... just have hope.. and honestly it sucks to move on so fast, but we're sorta forced to... best recommendations is to either 1. get a pet, or 2. find another guy interest interest so you can get over the old one.. hope this helps provide some closure. <3

 

[kengallyn]

So many different things could be the actual answer to this, and considering the way he's trying to avoid you, I don't think you're gonna get a definitive one. The best advice I can give you is to move on. Even if in the back of your head you're desperate for an answer, just try to forget it. He was just a fuck, it's not like you guys have years of deep complex history. Go to a new spot to cruise, go to clubs, saunas, wherever you can go in your area to find new fucks. The more you obsess with this dude, the worse it'll be for your mental health and for the image you'll build for yourself in that spot, the "weird obsessive guy who's stalking so and so". Don't be that guy.

 

[bar4doug]

I had a gf once we had tremendous foreplay and cumming just no sex until she was on the pill. She initiated the fucking. I came twice including pounding her so hard our pubic bones ached ( she was pulling me in with her ankles!). The next day I had a trip out of town and when called her that evening she was pissed. There were no cell phones then and where I was not even a pay phone.
That didn’t sit well at all “you could have found a phone; I guess last night didn’t mean anything to you”. We broke up, she moved on and Lo and behold 35 years later she lives in Houston too. I havent contacted her; but she could see that I looked her up on LinkedIn I wonder if she still gets as wet as she used to

Reminds me of old times.... I had a similar experience in my youth. I had a cell phone when service was still analog, and this was right around the time that Digital PCS came out, and phones were multi-band (digital in-city; analog outside; and you had to pay roaming fees if you weren't in your home area). Needless to say, my girl always wanted to chat. If I was out-and-about, I didn't want to burn minutes and rack up a big phone bill, I would decline calls or simply turn off the phone.

So she was trying to reach me. When we finally talked, my id told her, "A cell phone is for my convenience, not yours..." and poof.... I was in chateau bow-wow. (aka - Dog House).

I broke up with her, too. Kind of glad, too, looking back on it. She would have driven me bat-shit crazy.