I've seen married men rubber neck, affairs unfold, adultery, marriages dissipate. I've shared a room with someone, seen how cold, inattentive, indifferent, disinterested, etc. People can be steadfast in careers, convictions, principles, hobbies, diets, workout regiments, ethics, morals, routines, relationships, marriages. Etc. By the same logic, people can be polar opposite- half-assed, unmotivated, weak willed, obstinate, lackadaisical, loose, untethered, poorly driven. A comedian made a joke about how monogamy is like eating the same cereal for the rest of your life. While humans do like structure, routine, regiment, perhaps someone might want Cheerios one day and the option to have Fruit Loops the next. You might love lasagna, but you could tire of it every night for 2 weeks plus. Ennui- boredom or discontent can happen. After the honeymoon phase, and best behaviour phase, people can become lax, feel the exploration subside, the novelty of the new experience and shared discovery can become the known, the discovered, figured out. What could be new asphalt can begin to have the rungs of traffic bore into it. Well seasoned, well travelled.
I suppose passions like a campfire can rise and fall, be tendered, or stoked, tempered, maintained, can be ignored, subside, or even extinguish.
Pretend you and I were in a relationship, we meet, you fall hard, we bust our asses trying to be the best we can towards each other, go on lots of adventures, maybe spend a bit more than we should, eat out, go on dates, or outings that require money, gift give. Very easily you could be swoons, head over heels, like the 'new', like the discovery, enjoy the novelty of new romance and perhaps finding the one. We're both on our best behaviour, trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Out of the gates, everything could seem to be enough to tick all your boxes. 8 months in, we have moved in and I have become indifferent, ungenerous, resentful, showing signs of narcissism, manipulative, some red flags. Once you thought- this dude's the shit, now- now you may see me in a new light, not a fully flattering one, it would be natural that maybe you wonder what life would be like with another. In this scenario, some act on it, some stay the course.
Now, in some cases, some people, as humans are curious creatures. Some may have all their boxes ticked, everything is ideal, but they may wonder what it would be like to catch the eyes of others. We like the notion that we still got it, that we can still be desirable, pull someone. We'd like to know we have a certain allure, debonair, are attractive to illicit an acknowledgement, a flirt, a compliment, to know we could seduce or could still be in the game. Catch the sight of someone, be a fancy. Check them out! When we are single we'd like to know we aren't incapable of finding love, dating, or attracting whatever. When we are in a relationship, agreement, practicing monogamy or loyalty. How do I put this. You know how they sell men's hair dye? We'd like to imagine ourselves, if we were single, that we weren't too far gone out of being able to find another whatever. We'd like a little vote of confidence that God forbid- should this relationship- whatever end tomorrow- that it's still possible not too late, not impossible, not too far gone. I think there's a reason why we might desire to stave off grey hair or beards. It sells for a reason.
I suppose biologically, that being said, when you're let's be conservative and say 18 to 30- you're in your prime, afterwards, the window of opportunity is closing. Men would love to be able to compete with the generations after, still be able to pull. Nobody wants to be that vision of the lion king usurped and exiled by a younger one after. I suppose we could say the biological clock is felt to be ticking.
Anyways, such as ego, vanity, go, we'd like to rest assured we still got it. A vote of confidence, a reassurance. However we must be clear, while we can acknowledge this, it doesn't mean free license to tread dangerously, cheat, and test the waters and boundaries of monogamy, loyalty, and sully a relationship to test if you still got it. I suppose in some ways, if it's something worthwhile, true, if you had wandering eyes- you'd use blinders like a horse. You'd mitigate circumstances, lower risk if you had a promiscuous bone.
I suppose we could acknowledge, the shades of black white and grey. Black and white- there are fine lines and hard definitions, and the grey- being able to categorize and see that cheating has a spectrum of risk or indulgence for people. For some on the spectrum- it's an "I wonder", a curiosity, for some- we know they max out the spectrum as in they do cheat. It is acted upon, it is a high risk, 'non mitigated'. I feel we could apply the spectrum to all people, and then they would rank a 0, someone would max it out.
I suppose we can take a consensus poll and applaud those who never waiver, falter, never act upon the curious notions, don't cheat, remain loyal with ease, exuberance, desire, love, self denial, kindness, and honour. I think there have been more ideal marriages that haven't had a big cheating interlude or debacle, ones that have been indissoluble, of virtue, good example, etc. I think there are or have been people who remained quite puppy dog, smitten with each each other, infinite, true and dependable. People who took it seriously night and day, pillars of strength, courage, conviction, supportive, and stood the test of time where others, you know...
So if we look at cheating more with a spectrum.. graph... we won't say it's "normal" to get urges. "Normalizing" it would give us too much license. If you give a mouse a cookie- But we can say some people rank an healthy score or percentile that they haven't, don't or won't cheat, and some people- tip the spectrum scale perhaps more than optimal or deemed loyal. A score of 0 sounds pretty good, where as if you go over the midway far right side of the spectrum, we might have cause to worry. Such is life the score is not set for life on one day, as each day has variable change. Sober, I might be as loyal as a soulmate swan, drunk- I might make the 6 o'clock news, man stumbling around town looking to cheat. Variable change is always a factor. There's this term in psychology "rationalize". I would say, be careful what you try to rationalize. When it comes to cheating, and trying to rationalize it- suddenly you're the devil's advocate- trying to lawyer- represent as to why you should cheat or explain away why you can cheat or did. Best of luck to everyone who aspires to keep cheating as a 0 score on the spectrum. You see other people, but do not act on it, you, don't go skulking around where you shouldn't or seek out or orchestrate situations to enable a slip up. You deny some cheap thrill for something hopefully better.
Good discussion topic. I guess I have to apologize for saying so much when not asked.
I suppose passions like a campfire can rise and fall, be tendered, or stoked, tempered, maintained, can be ignored, subside, or even extinguish.
Pretend you and I were in a relationship, we meet, you fall hard, we bust our asses trying to be the best we can towards each other, go on lots of adventures, maybe spend a bit more than we should, eat out, go on dates, or outings that require money, gift give. Very easily you could be swoons, head over heels, like the 'new', like the discovery, enjoy the novelty of new romance and perhaps finding the one. We're both on our best behaviour, trying to be the best versions of ourselves. Out of the gates, everything could seem to be enough to tick all your boxes. 8 months in, we have moved in and I have become indifferent, ungenerous, resentful, showing signs of narcissism, manipulative, some red flags. Once you thought- this dude's the shit, now- now you may see me in a new light, not a fully flattering one, it would be natural that maybe you wonder what life would be like with another. In this scenario, some act on it, some stay the course.
Now, in some cases, some people, as humans are curious creatures. Some may have all their boxes ticked, everything is ideal, but they may wonder what it would be like to catch the eyes of others. We like the notion that we still got it, that we can still be desirable, pull someone. We'd like to know we have a certain allure, debonair, are attractive to illicit an acknowledgement, a flirt, a compliment, to know we could seduce or could still be in the game. Catch the sight of someone, be a fancy. Check them out! When we are single we'd like to know we aren't incapable of finding love, dating, or attracting whatever. When we are in a relationship, agreement, practicing monogamy or loyalty. How do I put this. You know how they sell men's hair dye? We'd like to imagine ourselves, if we were single, that we weren't too far gone out of being able to find another whatever. We'd like a little vote of confidence that God forbid- should this relationship- whatever end tomorrow- that it's still possible not too late, not impossible, not too far gone. I think there's a reason why we might desire to stave off grey hair or beards. It sells for a reason.
I suppose biologically, that being said, when you're let's be conservative and say 18 to 30- you're in your prime, afterwards, the window of opportunity is closing. Men would love to be able to compete with the generations after, still be able to pull. Nobody wants to be that vision of the lion king usurped and exiled by a younger one after. I suppose we could say the biological clock is felt to be ticking.
Anyways, such as ego, vanity, go, we'd like to rest assured we still got it. A vote of confidence, a reassurance. However we must be clear, while we can acknowledge this, it doesn't mean free license to tread dangerously, cheat, and test the waters and boundaries of monogamy, loyalty, and sully a relationship to test if you still got it. I suppose in some ways, if it's something worthwhile, true, if you had wandering eyes- you'd use blinders like a horse. You'd mitigate circumstances, lower risk if you had a promiscuous bone.
I suppose we could acknowledge, the shades of black white and grey. Black and white- there are fine lines and hard definitions, and the grey- being able to categorize and see that cheating has a spectrum of risk or indulgence for people. For some on the spectrum- it's an "I wonder", a curiosity, for some- we know they max out the spectrum as in they do cheat. It is acted upon, it is a high risk, 'non mitigated'. I feel we could apply the spectrum to all people, and then they would rank a 0, someone would max it out.
I suppose we can take a consensus poll and applaud those who never waiver, falter, never act upon the curious notions, don't cheat, remain loyal with ease, exuberance, desire, love, self denial, kindness, and honour. I think there have been more ideal marriages that haven't had a big cheating interlude or debacle, ones that have been indissoluble, of virtue, good example, etc. I think there are or have been people who remained quite puppy dog, smitten with each each other, infinite, true and dependable. People who took it seriously night and day, pillars of strength, courage, conviction, supportive, and stood the test of time where others, you know...
So if we look at cheating more with a spectrum.. graph... we won't say it's "normal" to get urges. "Normalizing" it would give us too much license. If you give a mouse a cookie- But we can say some people rank an healthy score or percentile that they haven't, don't or won't cheat, and some people- tip the spectrum scale perhaps more than optimal or deemed loyal. A score of 0 sounds pretty good, where as if you go over the midway far right side of the spectrum, we might have cause to worry. Such is life the score is not set for life on one day, as each day has variable change. Sober, I might be as loyal as a soulmate swan, drunk- I might make the 6 o'clock news, man stumbling around town looking to cheat. Variable change is always a factor. There's this term in psychology "rationalize". I would say, be careful what you try to rationalize. When it comes to cheating, and trying to rationalize it- suddenly you're the devil's advocate- trying to lawyer- represent as to why you should cheat or explain away why you can cheat or did. Best of luck to everyone who aspires to keep cheating as a 0 score on the spectrum. You see other people, but do not act on it, you, don't go skulking around where you shouldn't or seek out or orchestrate situations to enable a slip up. You deny some cheap thrill for something hopefully better.
Good discussion topic. I guess I have to apologize for saying so much when not asked.
