hard to tell via text fwiw there are narcissistic personality disorder =narcissists out there as well as people with narcissistic like personalities=self centered, etc. imho you don‘t want to trauma bond with narcissists the advice to run the other way is solid My experience do not be so desperate for friends, a boyfriend that you lose sight of reality
I’m suddenly besties with a straight guy and my gaydar is pinging…
- Thread starter Murdoch1912
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Sorry I didn’t mean to disappear so long! Umm but wow, quite a range of responses. Hardly know where to start.
So we went out on Saturday night, had dinner which he shouted and spent the rest of the night chatting and drinking. It was nice. I like his personality and even though he said it felt like a date, I appreciated him on a friends level which I’ll keep doing.
So we went out on Saturday night, had dinner which he shouted and spent the rest of the night chatting and drinking. It was nice. I like his personality and even though he said it felt like a date, I appreciated him on a friends level which I’ll keep doing.
I feel you on this one. But on a joking/not joking note, everybody loves big dick. Accidentally leak him a picture of yours.Must sound like a broken record with this. I posted in on reddit a few days ago for advice and WOW. First and last time going on there. Cut-throat. (Please be gentle!)
“Gay guy here. So last year I added a straight guy on Facebook who I saw at a friend’s wedding a few days earlier. Totally random and pretty weird of me actually. I messaged him drunk one night “You’re hot!” and he was surprisingly chatty after. This lasted for several months. We chatted quite a lot, maybe once or twice every few weeks. Then one day I had a feeling he’d broken up with his girlfriend, and when I put my feelers out he confirmed it.
Within months we were chatting more and more. We eventually properly met at a barbecue and were both super shy/awkward around each other and actually barely talked. But within ten minutes of me leaving, he messaged me. Anyway we continued talking like normal. And then spot on Valentine’s Day he sent a Snapchat response to my story with his emoji in a giant love heart. Bit of a coincidence being the big love day and all.
He has been going through a hard time with his breakup, which is totally fair. Apparently his sister had committed the ending act a year before, too.
I’ve always suspected he’s only talking to me for an ego boost. But literally since Valentine’s Day we started messaging each other… EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Then bam. Two weeks ago his replies go super short. It suddenly becomes me carrying on the conversation more than it had been (often he’d message me first if I didn’t reply for a while).
Now… at no point during all of this has anything ever been mentioned of him being anything other than straight. He has maintained he is straight this entire time and I have not questioned that out loud. Nor do I hold onto hope or anything. He constantly randomly says how much he can’t wait to go out and get p**sy, which I laugh at in response but always think is an odd thing to say.
Usually I fall hard for straight guys (seems to be a gay guy curse), so I could only assume I was attracted to this guy initially because of that same curse. But then we started chatting and we became friends, so in that aspect this really hurts tbh.
He still responds when I ask him things but he is nowhere near as chatty as before. There’s an evident difference.
I’ve decided to let it go and wait to see how long until he messages me/if he does ever again. But damn… I was really enjoying our lengthy chats. I wonder what happened? Do you think I said something that spooked him out suddenly? He’s been so chill about my being gay and saying I thought he was stunning at first. But I was never infatuated to the point it had affected my life, for instance I go on dates and talk to actual gay guys, but it’s still not nice when someone who’ve been chatty with suddenly doesn’t respond the same.
Any advice on what it could be?”
Update since I wrote this: I asked him if everything was okay/if I’d done something to offend him and he was quick to assure me it wasn’t me. He’s sort of gone back to initiating conversations again, but I’m a bit slower to respond now… Yesterday out of nowhere he sent me a photo of him on a train somewhere, then wrote in the chat: “Hopefully I can get some female attention tonight.”(Who talks like that?)
silahis90210
Cherished Member
I'd probably get him drunk in a bar and see if he has any tendencies to explore his sexuality.
He is literally waiting on you to make the first move ... He's throwing the bait for you
And he probably wants that dick broOh… maybe I forgot to add that. Already did that aaaages ago. Still talking to me.
Hard to say bro, if he doesn’t give u any mixed signals which I don’t think he does, just be chill and let things happen naturally. Just like you are doing rn, it really seems like he feels comfortable talking to you, and that alone says a lot.
I hope u guys get to play one day but enjoy his friendship and let him make a move if he ever feels comfy enough to do so.
Question: when U sent him the dick pic what did he say?
I hope u guys get to play one day but enjoy his friendship and let him make a move if he ever feels comfy enough to do so.
Question: when U sent him the dick pic what did he say?
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This is the best response you have gotten. Go with what this person has said. Don’t force it or you will lose a friend.
friendships are not easy to come by, they take time and work. Don’t be surprised that when he find another steady girlfriend , he will slow down his chat with you and eventually May drop off as he will be busy with the new gf.
you are right this is the best answer he got.
yours is pretty good as well. about the time and work and about the slow down that happens even when good friends find a partner (when they get kids it might slows down even more). but that’s just quite normal.
i don’t quite understand if by drop off you mean for good? if so i wouldn’t agree that this is related to having a new partner. that’s simply a general moving on from a friendship. which happens and sometimes is for the better. but shouldn’t be something to expect simply because of those circumstances changing.
anyway. my advice in general is. just don’t go for straight guys. don’t go for maybe in the closet guys either. it’s just not worth it. sounds like you are out and there are plenty of guys to choose from without that additional hustle. being gay already comes with some challenges even if one is lucky to sail thru it smoothly. in my opinion there is no point to get romantically involved in that situation. it simply adds a lot of additional difficulties to ones life.
i was 16 when i came out and it happened to me a couple of times until i was 19 or so. after that i had a few crushes on straight guys giving me gay vibes. but in a fun but silly sort of indulgence lasting under a week.
i’m 35 now and this sort of things happens to all my gay friends occasionally weather they are single or in a happy relationship (the silly under a week crush). i guess it happens to most ppl in general and there’s nothing wrong about that. actually it is more of a pleasant reverie.
i think non of us even considers to let it go beyond that. because out of experience and observation it simply is.. not the best idea.
i am very well aware of the unusual exceptions from the rule.
Pretty casual response, said mine looked about an inch bigger than his. He also said he used it on dating apps after to get girls (totally fine with me, not a breach of my privacy or anything).
So since last time I spoke he got really drunk one night and we had an extreme deep and meaningful over texts. It got a bit heated on his end and I realised he’s got a lot more issues than I first thought. I of course was as helpful and there for him as I could be, but he’s since gone extremely distant, so I am assuming he’s thinking “shit, I opened up too much”.
Totally fine, I don’t mind. I’m not in it for anything now except a friendship. If anything did happen, awesome, but I don’t expect it.
gotcha bro, good way to deal with the situation man.
Let him be. Wanna be distant?! So be it.
Don’t chase, text or try reaching out, he can’t just come and go as he wishes, and it’s not ur job to be his emotional support when he’s feeling low then he disappears, that’s not friendship.
Not saying he doesn’t like you or doesn’t see you as a friend, but maybe you see him more as a friend than he does see you.
Friends don’t do that to each other, intentionally it unintentionally he is using you for emotional support/attention.
Let him be. Wanna be distant?! So be it.
Don’t chase, text or try reaching out, he can’t just come and go as he wishes, and it’s not ur job to be his emotional support when he’s feeling low then he disappears, that’s not friendship.
Not saying he doesn’t like you or doesn’t see you as a friend, but maybe you see him more as a friend than he does see you.
Friends don’t do that to each other, intentionally it unintentionally he is using you for emotional support/attention.
Stephenmass
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Based on what I've read and I admittedly have not read them all, his saying in different wants he wants to get some pussy etc., is his way of saying we can keep the friendship level, but in his own way is letting you know the line is drawn and he enjoys females. Respect the line and enjoy his company. You may have a great friend at the end (nonsexual).
“Hopefully I can get some female attention tonight"
He is giving you a clear signal that he isn't interested. I've seen girls who have had guys hassle them and this is the type of indirect "back off" message they give. There is no difference just because you are gay.
I sometimes despair at how people 1. Have some entitlement to know others sexuality and 2. That even if he was gay that he'd be interested. Its a rather egotistical standpoint.
He is likely to polite to tell you he isn't gay and isn't into you.
I think you are projecting your lust onto him. Seeing something that isn't there. I may be wrong tho. Good luck
He is giving you a clear signal that he isn't interested. I've seen girls who have had guys hassle them and this is the type of indirect "back off" message they give. There is no difference just because you are gay.
I sometimes despair at how people 1. Have some entitlement to know others sexuality and 2. That even if he was gay that he'd be interested. Its a rather egotistical standpoint.
He is likely to polite to tell you he isn't gay and isn't into you.
I think you are projecting your lust onto him. Seeing something that isn't there. I may be wrong tho. Good luck
str8 gays see gay guys as a buddy who will suck them off. jokingly let them kno u'll do it, u wont tell anyone and it wont make them gay to let u suck them off. that's been the game since forever. gay guys who pull str8 guys know this. and it's so much easier if ur openly gay
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Put him on with one of your girlfriends and live vicariously through her..
In my experience, when guys excessively talk about how much they like pussy, to the point that you think "why are you telling this at this moment?? This is totally out of context", they are trying to hide their interest/curiosity about dicks.
Also, that thing of him saying that he has used your dick pic is weird. It really sounds like he is trying to make you know that he has looked at your dick (the pic) multiple times, but in a twisted way. Not sure about the intentions, but he wants you to know that he keeps the photo and he also looks at it (directly or indirectly). The average straight guy would have never talked about that photo again or at least he would have make you know that he deleted it or even that he saw the thumbnail and never opened it.
Not sure if it's a language thing (english isn't my language as you can probably see), but I kind of perceive some rudeness here in some of the people who are saying that you are totally wrong. They sound like people who have had bad experiences with straight guys due to a malfunctioning gaydar and they are projecting on you the hate that they have for themselves for having failed and lost friends in the past...
Do what you feel... If you loose "a friend" just because of him knowing that you like him, then he was a person that never deserved your friendship anyways...
Also, that thing of him saying that he has used your dick pic is weird. It really sounds like he is trying to make you know that he has looked at your dick (the pic) multiple times, but in a twisted way. Not sure about the intentions, but he wants you to know that he keeps the photo and he also looks at it (directly or indirectly). The average straight guy would have never talked about that photo again or at least he would have make you know that he deleted it or even that he saw the thumbnail and never opened it.
Not sure if it's a language thing (english isn't my language as you can probably see), but I kind of perceive some rudeness here in some of the people who are saying that you are totally wrong. They sound like people who have had bad experiences with straight guys due to a malfunctioning gaydar and they are projecting on you the hate that they have for themselves for having failed and lost friends in the past...
Do what you feel... If you loose "a friend" just because of him knowing that you like him, then he was a person that never deserved your friendship anyways...
But he doesn't want a friendship. That much is obvious. Like all such scenarios, this one does not end well.
To be honest I got this feeling too, which is mainly why I haven’t replied too much and taken all advice with a grain of salt. Each situation is personal and therefore different.
I am also looking for a friendship with him which could perhaps be the difference between this situation and other people’s. Yes he’s hot, but one of the reasons I like him is because of his odd personality, so only having a friendship is more than okay for me at this point. I can wish my life away but I won’t. Some of the advice on here has been great, too.
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