How can I boost my sex drive?

[canadian_guy486]

My boyfriend and I have been together for several years in a monogamous relationship. However since day one, he has always had a much higher sex drive than me. If it were up to him, we would be having some form of sex every day of the week, a few times a day. Whether it’s non-penetrative sex or vice versa. I’m sorry to say but I just don’t have that kind of drive. I’m not sure if it’s because of my age, stress, or my anxiety or what. I eat fairly healthy and I stay fairly active. I still jerk off on my own from time to time if I’m feeling horny and he’s not immediately around to take care of that. But for the most part, I could go days or even weeks without actual sex, and it wouldn’t bother me.

It’s gotten to a point where our sex life has become very routine. We usually only have sex on the weekend and he’s left it up to me to initiate anything, mainly because previous spontaneous attempts by him end up with me reluctantly doing things just to appease him, and him picking up on the fact that I’m not really into it, and then it becomes a whole big thing and neither of us get off and the whole vibe is ruined. Don’t get me wrong, when we do have sex when I’m in the mood, it’s great. And I love having sex with him. But it’s been a challenge for me to match his sexual energy.

In his job he works such late shifts most days of the week, and I work a standard 9-5. By the time he’s home and all that, I just do not have the energy to do much of anything. Which is why our sex life has mostly been restricted to weekends. I feel much more refreshed and energized. I don’t have the constant anxiety of work the next morning running through my mind, etc. And that’s been going ok so far, mostly for me. At the start of our relationship I felt like I was more open to doing things more often and wanting to initiate sex more. But now not so much and it’s starting to be an issue.

He feels I don’t initiate sex enough, and is starting to think it’s because I’m not attracted to him. Which isn’t true. I don’t initiate it all the time because, well, I’m just not in the mood most of the time. I really wish I was. I sometimes feel like the lone wolf around here, because everyone is always so horny and obsessed with sex. I see gays constantly talking about how much sex they have or how often they jerk off every day and all that. And that’s just not me. I mean there are the odd occasions where I will feel super horny and no amount of jerking off or sex will satisfy that hunger until I’m shooting blanks. But that is very rare.

So my question is, how can I fix this? What are some things I can do/take that will boost my sex drive to try and match his? Anybody have any suggestions or have had this issue and found a fix? I want to please my man and want to give him what he needs. I want it too. I want to want to have sex more often. I want to be spontaneous and just get some things going at a moments notice. So any advice is appreciated.

 

[Brodie888]

Firstly, sex drive is very individual and what is normal for you is something you shouldn't apologize for.

In regards to mismatched libidos, that's also normal but if the difference is large then you need to find ways around to minimize.

1. Stop masturbating. If you have the lower libido, this won't help. You just have to hang on.

2. When you have sex, you having the lower libido should avoid cumming for as many sessions as possible until you are soooo horny you're going to explode. This could mean, that you blow him, give him a hand job, fuck him and stop the moment he cums. If you feel like you are going to cum, stop him stimulating you and only do him. Consider one way sex if that works better for you.

3. Be ok with him masturbating between sex sessions, even if you are home. This will lower his libido and make him less needy until you get to the day when you are keen.

4. See your doctor and have a blood test to see if there is anything hormonally wrong. Eg you may have a thyroid issue or a testosterone issue or something that's blunting your libidos. If you have always been this way, it's less likely to be the cause.

5. Regular exercise, being a reasonable weight, enough sleep and low stress all make libido better. Make sure you are on top of all of these.

 

[ILoveGames48]

From the beginning of when I began sex… I probably had the sex drive of 5 guys.. I always wanted sex no matter how I got it..

Now- I don’t want to make anyone mad or anything as you posted this question about sex drive..

I read your post and in areas it was like you are making excuses not to do sex…. I work long hours.. when I get home I’m too tired .. and so on.. look at yourself and see instead of having the attitude of “ damn I can’t wait until he gets home I want to suck his cock right there at the front door when he gets home..
— yes I’ve done that many times with guys over the years … they love it knowing I want them that badly —-
Your sex drive depends on your mind.. if your mind doesn’t think about sex often then it won’t want sex..


I am curious you mention age.. I know a guy in his 60s that fucks his wife on-a daily basis .. she wants it as bad as he does ..

How old are you and him? His sex drive ? Yours? Has it always been that way or the sex drive is just now going away

 

[Brodie888]

I think the low libido is allowing for an overly sensible, logical reasoning to avoid sex. If you avoid cumming (think of it as a marathon edging session), then this issue will self resolve.

 

[Brodie888]

Something else to try is watching porn when you get some time to yourself. It may jist help to get your engine warmed up.

Another thing to do is maybe propose spending intimate time with your partner just kissing and cuddling and affirmations about your feelings for him. Without the pressure of sex, he may get the assurance of your love without needing sex to prove it as often.

 

[ILoveGames48]

When you have sex and all.. do you just get naked and start having sex or do you play around kiss cuddle .. explore each others bodies before the private areas are involved

 

[gwm4gam]

Firstly, sex drive is very individual and what is normal for you is something you shouldn't apologize for.

In regards to mismatched libidos, that's also normal but if the difference is large then you need to find ways around to minimize.

1. Stop masturbating. If you have the lower libido, this won't help. You just have to hang on.

2. When you have sex, you having the lower libido should avoid cumming for as many sessions as possible until you are soooo horny you're going to explode. This could mean, that you blow him, give him a hand job, fuck him and stop the moment he cums. If you feel like you are going to cum, stop him stimulating you and only do him. Consider one way sex if that works better for you.

3. Be ok with him masturbating between sex sessions, even if you are home. This will lower his libido and make him less needy until you get to the day when you are keen.

4. See your doctor and have a blood test to see if there is anything hormonally wrong. Eg you may have a thyroid issue or a testosterone issue or something that's blunting your libidos. If you have always been this way, it's less likely to be the cause.

5. Regular exercise, being a reasonable weight, enough sleep and low stress all make libido better. Make sure you are on top of all of these.

Take your daily multivitamin... and, if you're a heavy drinker... try to cut back a little. Every little bit helps (trust me, I've been there).

If you do partake in other stuff (no judgement from me) -- try to cut back that as well But have an honest conversation with your doctor about your sex drive/libido and any habits, any decent doctor will order the necessary tests. If they dont, you have a right to find a new doctor -- as simple as that. Try to find one in your area that is also LGBT!

 

[ILoveGames48]

I will say your doctor doesn’t have to be lgbt .. your issue may not be for that reason so why make sure they are is kind of willing to help you more because he is lgbt .. my doctor tells me he took an oath to help those in need no matter what..
I had a lump form between my legs years ago ( in what we call the taint area) and went to him to get it checked out.. and he had me strip from waist down sit in a chair and put my ankles in stirrups like I was a woman going into labor .. entire time he’d be joking around asking me if I let those guys get to rough again.. I’d laugh and ask/ made comment.. is there such a thing being too rough -‘and laughed..


He didn’t care I was gay.. he was married and had three boys of his own.. he sees the lump and says —oh my .. I was like yeah.. it’s made it fun trying to walk.. it wasn’t a tumor or anything sexually transmitted.. it was a spider bite.. where I sleep in the nude on had got there and bit me.. he sucked all the swelling out and rubbed an antibacterial gel and I had to lay there for 20 minutes like that…..

Then he tells me that I needed to put this on the area twice a day until it’s empty and I’ll be fine …


Anyhow back to topic at hand.. your sex drive now.. when did it begin slowing down ?

 

[ShaitanIblis]

@canadian_guy486 Hi! Have things gotten better?

In addition to the aforementioned, I'd recommend caps of tribulus like TribX90, and supplements such as Magnesium, Selenium, vitamin D, vitamin B, and some protein shakes and milks, beverages like Ensure, Boost, Carnation Instant Breakfast, etc. TribX90 works well!

 

[ShaitanIblis]

I've been wondering lately if pills like Cialis and Viagra actually boost sex drive or simply aid in staying rock hard longer. Has anyone here tried those pills?

 

[chrisrobin]

Just slow down, keep your ha nds off your cock and stop taking any boosting aids - see where you go from there after a week - otherwise a GP is the answer - remember there's not a lot they haven't seen and you won't be any different.

 

[louparis10]

I've been wondering lately if pills like Cialis and Viagra actually boost sex drive or simply aid in staying rock hard longer. Has anyone here tried those pills?

Viagra or Cialis do not promote libido.
The instructions clearly state that sexual stimulation is required for the product to work.

 

[Trekrider]

I've been wondering lately if pills like Cialis and Viagra actually boost sex drive or simply aid in staying rock hard longer. Has anyone here tried those pills?

I have tried them. They do nothing at all for sex drive. One of the common assumptions is that you'll get an erection from taking these pills. Not so - you have to be sexually stimulated by other means. So unless the sex drive is there from something else, you won't get hard.

 

[canadian_guy486]

1. Stop masturbating. If you have the lower libido, this won't help. You just have to hang on.

2. When you have sex, you having the lower libido should avoid cumming for as many sessions as possible until you are soooo horny you're going to explode. This could mean, that you blow him, give him a hand job, fuck him and stop the moment he cums. If you feel like you are going to cum, stop him stimulating you and only do him. Consider one way sex if that works better for you.

3. Be ok with him masturbating between sex sessions, even if you are home. This will lower his libido and make him less needy until you get to the day when you are keen.

4. See your doctor and have a blood test to see if there is anything hormonally wrong. Eg you may have a thyroid issue or a testosterone issue or something that's blunting your libidos. If you have always been this way, it's less likely to be the cause.

5. Regular exercise, being a reasonable weight, enough sleep and low stress all make libido better. Make sure you are on top of all of these.

Thank you for these suggestions. I have tried the masturbating abstinence thing in the past (and I’m currently doing that now as an option) and typically what this does is get me all horned up for one hot session and then as soon as the post nut clarity kicks in I’m back to square one again….

The other issue is while my bf says he’s ok with just a blow job or handy or whatever, he also says it’s hard for him to cum from just a blow job or something, and typically cums best when fucking. But I’m the opposite. It doesn’t take much for me to blow and I’m good with any kind of sexual gratification, so we have mismatched sex preferences unfortunately which also makes this challenging. My ex and I used to do that all the time, just mess around on the couch or play with each other until one or both of us came. But I haven’t had this same kind of sexual rapport with my bf unfortunately.

I am curious you mention age.. I know a guy in his 60s that fucks his wife on-a daily basis .. she wants it as bad as he does ..

How old are you and him? His sex drive ? Yours? Has it always been that way or the sex drive is just now going away

I am 40 and he is 34. It hasn’t always been this way. Without doing a whole deep dive into my issues, I was closeted for many years and denied myself sex with anyone for most of my adult life because I would not accept that I was gay. But that’s not to say I didn’t want it. I did. Bad. And I masturbated, a lot. And when I met my first bf at 35 we had sex every day we were together (it was long distance so it was only when he visited) sometimes multiple times a day and I loved it. I couldn’t wait to have my way with him again just hours later. But that was temporary and after he went back home I was back to doing things on my own.

Even with my current bf, when we first met we did all kinds of things on a regular basis. But then it became very regular, meaning I went from never having sex at all to having sex with someone on a regular basis, someone who wanted it all the time. So over time the drive I used to have began to dwindle I guess? Again it’s not that I NEVER want to have sex, it’s just that I struggle with wanting to have it all the time like I used to.

When you have sex and all.. do you just get naked and start having sex or do you play around kiss cuddle .. explore each others bodies before the private areas are involved

We do foreplay. Kissing cuddling rimming etc before diving right in. That does help things for sure.

@canadian_guy486 Hi! Have things gotten better?

In addition to the aforementioned, I'd recommend caps of tribulus like TribX90, and supplements such as Magnesium, Selenium, vitamin D, vitamin B, and some protein shakes and milks, beverages like Ensure, Boost, Carnation Instant Breakfast, etc. TribX90 works well!

I appreciate the suggestion of the vitamins so I’m definitely going to look into getting those to see if that helps maintain the sex drive beyond just not rubbing one out for a few days. I don’t love abstaining, because I find it messes with my head and I can’t think straight lol. But that post nut clarity really ruins things. So I’m hoping getting into these vitamins will help me find a good balance.

 

[Brodie888]

Thank you for these suggestions. I have tried the masturbating abstinence thing in the past (and I’m currently doing that now as an option) and typically what this does is get me all horned up for one hot session and then as soon as the post nut clarity kicks in I’m back to square one again….

The other issue is while my bf says he’s ok with just a blow job or handy or whatever, he also says it’s hard for him to cum from just a blow job or something, and typically cums best when fucking. But I’m the opposite. It doesn’t take much for me to blow and I’m good with any kind of sexual gratification, so we have mismatched sex preferences unfortunately which also makes this challenging. My ex and I used to do that all the time, just mess around on the couch or play with each other until one or both of us came. But I haven’t had this same kind of sexual rapport with my bf unfortunately.



I am 40 and he is 34. It hasn’t always been this way. Without doing a whole deep dive into my issues, I was closeted for many years and denied myself sex with anyone for most of my adult life because I would not accept that I was gay. But that’s not to say I didn’t want it. I did. Bad. And I masturbated, a lot. And when I met my first bf at 35 we had sex every day we were together (it was long distance so it was only when he visited) sometimes multiple times a day and I loved it. I couldn’t wait to have my way with him again just hours later. But that was temporary and after he went back home I was back to doing things on my own.

Even with my current bf, when we first met we did all kinds of things on a regular basis. But then it became very regular, meaning I went from never having sex at all to having sex with someone on a regular basis, someone who wanted it all the time. So over time the drive I used to have began to dwindle I guess? Again it’s not that I NEVER want to have sex, it’s just that I struggle with wanting to have it all the time like I used to.



We do foreplay. Kissing cuddling rimming etc before diving right in. That does help things for sure.



I appreciate the suggestion of the vitamins so I’m definitely going to look into getting those to see if that helps maintain the sex drive beyond just not rubbing one out for a few days. I don’t love abstaining, because I find it messes with my head and I can’t think straight lol. But that post nut clarity really ruins things. So I’m hoping getting into these vitamins will help me find a good balance.

You missed the crucial step..... You as the lower libido person must have sex as many times as possible without cumming while your libido is high. Tell your BF this as well that this is your intention.

If you are saying it messes with your head to abstain for too long, to me it says there are days leading up to that day where you could be motivated for sex but you don't.

I assume he is the one who needs to be penetrated to enjoy sex more? If so, consider using a vibrator during blowjobs.

 

[mitchellk]

From the beginning of when I began sex… I probably had the sex drive of 5 guys.. I always wanted sex no matter how I got it..

Now- I don’t want to make anyone mad or anything as you posted this question about sex drive..

I read your post and in areas it was like you are making excuses not to do sex…. I work long hours.. when I get home I’m too tired .. and so on.. look at yourself and see instead of having the attitude of “ damn I can’t wait until he gets home I want to suck his cock right there at the front door when he gets home..
— yes I’ve done that many times with guys over the years … they love it knowing I want them that badly —-
Your sex drive depends on your mind.. if your mind doesn’t think about sex often then it won’t want sex..


I am curious you mention age.. I know a guy in his 60s that fucks his wife on-a daily basis .. she wants it as bad as he does ..

How old are you and him? His sex drive ? Yours? Has it always been that way or the sex drive is just now going away

I agree. If you can make time to brush your teeth and wash your ass before work so that you are not an offense to society, you can make time to suck your man's penis before or after work because HE enjoys it and he's your partner. If I were still a cheater you would be the perfect dude I'd steal their man from because you don't appreciate what you've got. I could see it if he wanted butt sex every day and he's hung, but you are talking about oral? Really? If you have some sort of trauma I didn't read because I'm kind of busy living my own life and skipped to some replies, then you should be honest with your partner and get therapy. Otherwise, stop complaining and be grateful. If I had in-house dick to suck everyday I would be right as rain.

 

[BCH]

For me, my sleep apnea was killing my libido. Also, check into peptides. But if you lack drive then you'd better open up your relationship. My straight friend's wife barely has a libido...he got a girlfriend. He copped to the affair. I'd do the same...or expect the same. No sex is not an option for me as I get older.

 

[mmmniple]

I've been wondering lately if pills like Cialis and Viagra actually boost sex drive or simply aid in staying rock hard longer. Has anyone here tried those pills?

They only help for keeping the erection.