Oh, a little poem I wrote under the pseudonym "Harry Palmer":
The Best Lover
When you have the urge, most guys do one thing
But solo love can be beyond your wildest dreams
Set an hour or two a day to erotically exult
Work it slow for best results
Left hand right hand or both can linger
Hold him against your abs using one finger
Whole fist two fingers or at an angle
Will make him stand instead of dangle
Tempo changes in your strokes
You can just rub or you can choke
If you're tired of up and down
Hold with one while stroking round
Abs arms legs and nips
Balls thighs and taint make good side trips
The priest, lawyer, and physician
Use standing, sitting, and supine positions
Just stroke the head and hold the shaft
Or don't involve his head in your craft
You can rub our old friend Dick
Back and forth like campfire sticks
Back is one way you can pull
Or milk forward like a bull
Thrust in your hand arms thighs like with a lass
Put one finger under the hood for a blast
Move the hood against the head
Unless the hood some doctor shred
Pull him down toward the ground
He pops back up pull him round
You can buy a woman made of rubber
Or just the hole but for the more discrete lover
Banana peels cantaloupes and shower heads
Watermelons water wings and even your bed
Albolene, lotion, oil, and natural lubricant
Can help it feel more like her
Continuing on my lust takes me
By now my balls have started to ache me OHHHHHHHHH
And that was my time with my hand
I'm so horny I'll do it again