Open Relationships

[1001090]

Hi all,
My partner and I are in the process of opening up our relationship. I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading on the topic. I'd love to know from any of you what advice you have. What's worked for you? What hasn't?
I definitely want to make sure we think and plan so that way we can be honest about what we want and what works for us and what doesn't.
Thanks!

 

[confidential36]

Make sure your able to deal with it becoming more than sex for her. Women normally need a connection. So when you open up a relationship, she will probably have fewer partners by CHOICE, but her feels for them will be stronger than your feels are for your partners.

 

[1222288]

Your partner is male, right? Just clarifying as your profile says 10% straight. You never know.

At any rate, my partner and I have opened our relationship to a degree. By that, we allow ourselves incidental sex, and some people in our lives are a free-for-all. So, incidental sex (for us) involves bumping into someone in the gym shower, or sauna, or maybe while you are traveling you find someone interesting for a night. Stuff like that. A NSA opportunity.

There are also people that we know that are playful in nature, who we talk about sexually. With them, we're open to doing a threesome, or even one-on-one. That list is fairly short, as we know there wouldn't be any clingy after effects, and the friendship would maintain itself.

Then there are the odd times we invite in a random 3rd that we can mutually enjoy.

So, not as fully open as some, but for us it works. It feels safe, and we respect our personal boundaries and rules. For us, our relationship is #1, and anything that is peripheral can't be an involved affair.

 

[1001090]

Thanks for both the tips so far! Yes, my partner is male. So far we've only had one group experience and nothing solo, which is currently up for discussion before we decide anything further. We liked the group situation together, but similar to you, @420Canadian , our relationship is #1 and neither of us want to do anything to jeopardize what we have while we play and enjoy other men.

 

[1222288]

So far we've only had one group experience and nothing solo, which is currently up for discussion before we decide anything further.

We still talk about it as well, and keep those lines open. There were discussions that we had when were were horny and drunk, which vastly differ on a sober night. Even a couple of years later, some of our positions on what is permissible, and who is off limits (and why) changes. Also, even though we have discussed, and allowed ourselves permission, to play with certain people that we know, most of that hasn't been acted on. So, we talk about that some more as well: the what if's, and how would the other partner feel about it later.

 

[1001090]

Thanks for sharing so much. I definitely plan on talking a lot and reevaluating as much as we need to. How was it in the beginning? Anything you think I should keep in mind while we start out?

 

[1222288]

Thanks for sharing so much. I definitely plan on talking a lot and reevaluating as much as we need to. How was it in the beginning? Anything you think I should keep in mind while we start out?

It is going to be weird, but exciting. It's ok to chicken out. It's also ok to stop if it is too weird for you, or him. Sometimes having an inspirational beverage or two helps, but being drunk is a hindrance. In our last threesome, we invited someone over to our hotel, and had 2 glasses of white wine and a martini beforehand. It was relaxing, and made it a lot more enjoyable. That is a personal preference though.

One of our rules is that we can share our solo experiences, but we don't have to. It can make it exciting to hear your partner talk about a random hottie that blew him in the gym sauna. But, it also takes some courage to start that discussion, to tell your partner that you had an encounter with someone else.

Just make sure that both of you are really clear on what is and what is not alright, and try to stick with those rules.

 

[1001090]

Thanks so much for being so sharing and helpful! I really appreciate it. I’m nervous and excited to see how this all pans out

 

[atx_9167]

Open relationships are tricky. I think it takes the right couple to make it work. Communication and setting boundaries are extremely important. If your relationship is even the slightest bit rocky I don’t recommend going into one. Open relationship will not fix your problems but only make it worse. Jealously is also a problem at times. I never saw myself as the jealous type until I went into one. In terms of sex you do open yourself up to more risk with additional partners. So make sure to get tested regularly. Not trying to be overly negative here but this has been my experience twice. Let me know if you have any questions.

 

[atx_9167]

Also in terms of sex. You need to come up with a set of rules. Do you want your partner to tell you about others people he’s hooking up with? Do you want details or not? Other rules to consider are never sleep with the same guy more than once etc. hope this helps. And good luck!

 

[1001090]

Thanks!! Definitely appreciate that advice. And staying safe is a big concern for both of us. As is being honest and doing our best to prevent or address any jealousy.

 

[atx_9167]

Thanks!! Definitely appreciate that advice. And staying safe is a big concern for both of us. As is being honest and doing our best to prevent or address any jealousy.

Smart!!

 

[Countryguy63]

Excellent advice all the way around!!

@atx_9167 you sound a lot like me

@ag,dude123 The one thing that I would add, is to establish that the rules and guidelines are not set in stone, and that either one of you are free to revisit and adjust them when and if it is needed. You or he may find that something you thought was going to be ok and acceptable, turns out a bit more uncomfortable than expected. Of course, the opposite can happen also. Something you thought was going to bother you, you may find after a while isn't an issue any more.

Only you two can decide what's right for your relationship, but we are here for support.

Anyway, good luck

 

[1001090]

Thanks! That is very helpful indeed! I’m so lucky to have such good advice from so many.

 

[1079855]

Open relationship? I would never do it.

 

[1001090]

That’s fair. Never thought I would until recently, which is why I’m nervous and asking for advice from those with more experience.

 

[Novaboy]

My partner and I occasionally go to Steamworks baths in Toronto. It gives us a bit of variety, a bit of voyeurism and we enjoy the sexually charged atmosphere. That's where any extra sex takes place. No hook ups on the side, just at the baths. We tend to do more watching than anything else and sometimes just make out with each other in a dark space for fun. That's the extent of our openness. We always go together but for the most part stay out of each other's way. I sometimes go away for a conference. I'm allowed some fun then too but only when there is no chance of it going any further than the one night fling. If you start meeting up with someone on the side I feel that one risks developing feelings for the new person. That "new" feeling is pretty powerful. Many people have thrown away a good long term relationship or marriage. for that adrenaline rush of a new romance. Be careful.

 

[1001090]

Thanks @Novaboy right now it’s just playing together with others. Both of us agree we don’t want to risk developing feelings outside our relationship and your advice to limiting to once only occasions or only together is helpful.

 

[Novaboy]

Thanks @Novaboy right now it’s just playing together with others. Both of us agree we don’t want to risk developing feelings outside our relationship and your advice to limiting to once only occasions or only together is helpful.

The way we do it makes sure that it's only just a bit of variety/fun. My partner will even point out a guy and say to me "Check him out he's huge!" He knows I like it big.

 

[1001090]

The way we do it makes sure that it's only just a bit of variety/fun. My partner will even point out a guy and say to me "Check him out he's huge!" He knows I like it big.

That’s so hot! And yeah our only experiences have started out similar as well and I loved it. I want more, but definitely want to be smart about it.