Gay guy expressing his feelings to a str8 guy, what happened?

[HotThroatLA]

I've had a few crushes on some straight men in the past, but I never took it to the level of trying to "convince" them to have sex with men -- or sex with me. Plus, being in my 20's in the mid-80's, you just didn't (and certainly couldn't!) risk a much more negative, possibly dangerous outcome. It's definitely very different today, with attitudes about gay people being much more accepting, and sexuality being much more fluid without the shame or guilt.

But seeing some of these comments from the straight guys, ponder flipping the script: you get very close and very friendly with a girl you really relate to, but you also consider hot. And at some point, your feelings turn sexual. So you ask her for that kind of relationship and she turns you down (for whatever the reason is).

Would you be able to have the same kind of close relationship with her -- strictly platonic and as friends only -- or would you find that hard to maintain, because you're still very attracted to her? I'm gonna wager most of you would answer the latter: you can probably still remain good friends, but not as close or hanging out as frequently.

That's really no different than what the gay man having the attraction to the straight friend is all about.

Either way, the key is respecting the answer you get.

And my two cents on calling someone out (like @Gj816 was) on what they may have or have not done in the past sexually, is completely uncool and none of your business. It just sounds bitter and accusatory.

 

[j06quinn]

Why did you do that?

I was young and horny , it also turned me on that he could hear us at it ,

 

[zaynmlk1626]

unfortunately i was always too scared to say in person to a str8 guy i was in love with him.
i had feelings for my str8 friend in army and we were very close, he had a gf, it was really painful.
i had a crush on a str8 guy from school i told him via text messages, turned me down.
i had feelings for my other str8 friend from school and i asked him to jerk off with me, things got weird even though nothing happened, he freaked out i guess

 

[Barberseville]

unfortunately i was always too scared to say in person to a str8 guy i was in love with him.
i had feelings for my str8 friend in army and we were very close, he had a gf, it was really painful.
i had a crush on a str8 guy from school i told him via text messages, turned me down.
i had feelings for my other str8 friend from school and i asked him to jerk off with me, things got weird even though nothing happened, he freaked out i guess

Those crushes on perfect straight guys are the hardest. Do nothing and suffer inside. Say something and be likely to ruin a perfectly good friendship. A no win situation...

 

[CUBE]

Different guy then I mentioned on last page but also from college. This guy Scott always wore biker shorts and a tight t shirt. Huge pecs, nice ass, great package, goofy handsome. I so crushed on him I think I would blush. I still know him. Nice guy. I totally fessed up a year ago. He loves it. Not attracted to him like that anymore but I’d love to see him again in biker shorts. He just laughs.

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

Those crushes on perfect straight guys are the hardest. Do nothing and suffer inside. Say something and be likely to ruin a perfectly good friendship. A no win situation...

While what should be, and what is, are so often unrelated, if a friend is truly a friend and you are truly a friend, then disclosing feelings shouldn't end a friendship. I'm married and in no way interested in any extramarital activity. My friends know this, and if any of my gay or bi friends were to confess a crush on me, it wouldn't affect our friendship in a negative way. I have lots of female friends, and a crush in either direction with any of them wouldn't change things. We are all subject to feelings we cannot stop, but can decide how to act upon or deal with. A same-sex crush shouldn't be different. Unfortunately societal bullshit changes this. More's the pity.

 

[viper11832]

A gay friend told our group when I started playing with men. A few straight friends asked what it was like alone and wanted me to give them a bj.

 

[BIGBULL29]

I think its pretty rare that any man is truly 100% straight, but they still feel shame about that and so a disgusted reaction is kind of an overreaction that is more about their own defensiveness than it is about the person making the advance.

The straightest men are transsexual lesbians. These men really don't like men. Seriously.

 

[IntactMale]

The straightest men are transsexual lesbians. These men really don't like men. Seriously.

That might be true, it all depends on how you define straight. I don't know that denying or rejecting ones masculinity necessarily makes them more "straight." Straight seems to be defined by an unswerving attraction to those of the opposite sex, so maybe if you take action to make yourself the same sex as those you are attracted to then you are not straight. It seems to me that if both gender and sexuality are fluid then there is no real way to define straight.

But using the generic terms, I stand by what I say, most men who call themselves straight aren't as straight as they claim, myself included.

 

[BIGBULL29]

It seems to me that if both gender and sexuality are fluid then there is no real way to define straight.

Exactly!

 

[blkcocktail]

Personally I would just save my breath and not tell them. It sucks, but it is what it is. If my feelings became too overwhelming, I might distance myself a bit.

But mentally, it’s probably good and freeing to get things off your chest and just put it out there...you just have to keep in mind that you could lose the friendship. But some could argue that it’s not the healthiest friendship to begin with, especially if one person’s pining away in silence over a person who won’t ever see them in an romantic way.

 

[CUBE]

Different guy then I mentioned on last page but also from college. This guy Scott always wore biker shorts and a tight t shirt. Huge pecs, nice ass, great package, goofy handsome. I so crushed on him I think I would blush. I still know him. Nice guy. I totally fessed up a year ago. He loves it. Not attracted to him like that anymore but I’d love to see him again in biker shorts. He just laughs.

I should add I recall now telling him in college. I’m a nice enough looking guy and he would fuck any chick. I recall saying to him that I couldn’t understand, I mean at the point of an ugly chick wouldn’t you prefer a good looking guy? Lol.

 

[meningreentights]

I gently let them know I wasn't interested in a sexual relationship with them. I tried to keep the friendship but they weren't willing.

 

[drainedmt]

My brain is weird.

I'm so rejection-adverse that the moment I start having feelings for a straight friend, my brain shuts down those feelings. It's almost like a defense mechanism kicks in to protect my feelings and our friendship.

Three examples:

The first was my first m4m crush. We were coworkers in our late teens and he was goofy cute. He'd totally joke how he was hung and "loved pussy." One day after work I mustered enough courage to go this house. We were going to watch str8 porn. I believed it was actually going to be my first m4m experience. So we put in the video and I ended up revealing I was more into the male performer (Peter North). Nothing really happened but I do remember leaving in such a hurry I almost hit a median divider and flipped my car. We'd see each other at work and still joke, but nothing came of it as I friend zoned him. I actually still think about him and would totally reach out if I moved back to my hometown.

Second guy was far more recent. Crazy cute coworker. I'd always find himself at my desk. Definitely straight as he was getting married. Also found my way to his place and was having wine. Ended up at a local bar and got super wasted and was going to make a move, but even in my inebriated state decided against it. He then ghosted me and told me he went to a strip club.

Finally, there was a crazy hot guy at work. I mean strangers would literally come up to me and ask if he were single, gay or str8, etc. We actually became good friends. I was going to muster up the courage to tell him I found him attractive but 1) he heard that all the time and 2) he was too close a coworker so I refrained. Brain got in the way again. Ended up being a good thing because he was a closet racist and that ended our friendship.

It's funny because now I have no problem telling a str8 guys I've just met he's attractive -- not in a come-on way. I'll say something like, "You look just like Chris Hemsworth" or "you must do well at bars" and TBH, they don't mind!

 

[Bakugou_]

My dumbass friends were gonna make me do that shit, thank god I didn’t. He gave off massive gay vibes, but the dude was hetero. We were all convinced he was gay
I was gonna ask him to dance with me at a party, I feel embarrassed just thinking about it

I would’ve died if I confessed

 

[ohiorod]

I have never attempted to take my interest in a straight man to the next level, but I did post previously somewhere(!) about a straight friend who expressed interest in me.

It happened a few times when I moved into this neighborhood, which is totally straight, as far as I know, except for me. The neighbor from about 6 doors down took a liking to me and I enjoy time with him playing basketball or going to a sports game. The problem occurs when he drinks wine and he doesn’t handle it especially well. We sit and have a beer, no problem, but I break open a bottle of wine and he will somehow work into the conversation that even though he is straight, he can see himself falling for a guy like me. T

The first time I realized it was a problem, I had opened two bottles, one white and and one red. So, we were not sharing a bottle, he finished a bottle himself over an evening when his wife was at her parents out of town. He said something more direct like he could see himself having his arm twisted and ending up in bed with me. Inside, I felt YIKES!!, but I made sure we were not both on the sofa together or within arm’s reach. Later he said, I hate to tell you this, but I think I’m falling for you. I joked that he would sober up and feel better in the morning and made sure he got home ASAP. I would not mind talking to him about it, but he would have to be sober and when that is occurring, he is deeply in love with his wife.
Nothing will ever happen as I’m crazy about his wife and their son. He is a good friend, but I try to stick to beer when he is around!

I’m not even sure he remembers it when sober, but I find it flattering, but definitely hands off. He has seen me naked at the gym many times and has commented on my heavy hang, but has never shown any other sign of being bi or gay. I call it is drunken lust phase.

 

[BIGBULL29]

You never know who has a crush on you. I think some straight men are in love with other men but cannot bring themselves to admit in a million years. Just like I think there are men who are in the gay scene who have zero interest romantic interest in men. They aren't really sure why they are all there.

Human life is very, very ironic, I may add. You get a car mechanic with a tiny dick and a feminine man who's hung like a bull.

 

[Jacker55]

Those crushes on perfect straight guys are the hardest. Do nothing and suffer inside. Say something and be likely to ruin a perfectly good friendship. A no win situation...

Been there, done that. Lost my best friend way back in 1979. I was madly in love with him, and suspected he was with me too! (I actually still think he was, but couldnt face it himself.

I eventually moved to another state to remove myself from the situation. We stayed in touch by letters, and I finally told him in a letter how I felt. Never heard from him again, in spite of several more letter from me.

I found out just a few years ago that in 1991, he killed himself by putting a gun to his head! I was devastated, and visited his grave. Needless to say, I sobbed a great deal. I really did love him!

 

[bigtoad]

I tried to be kind. At that point in my life I was not interested in other men. Not that I am now either. But I suppose that they did what was best for them.

I still have a few gay friends. One, we were always close. Going out to bars, dinner, hanging out. And one night I had to tell him I wasn't his lover. He asked me why not? Told him I just wasn't interested in that kind of a relationship.

Sort of bummed him out. But we were more like brothers and we stay in touch several times throughout the year. Not as close as we once were. Nor do we have the same relationship we shared. Life goes on. We more or less just keep a check to make sure the other is doing okay.

Nice. Thanks for sharing

 

[meningreentights]

Sometimes, people don't know how to separate love and sex. You can deeply love another man without it being sexual. It's what is truly called a bromance. In days past, it was very common.
Not the sex stuff people post on here. I have several buds that love me dearly. One wants to give me a hug every time he sees me. It's not in any way sexual. I love the bear hugs too.