Does Television affect your relation?

[huguest]

Screen time (TV, PC, phone) take a huge part of our day to day time.

How does it affect your relation?

Is it a time you share and appreciate together?
Is it impacting your sex life, your relation?

I know a lot of friend that throw out the TV time out of their life. Is it something that you do or would be capable to do?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Screen time (TV, PC, phone) take a huge part of our day to day time.

How does it affect your relation?

Is it a time you share and appreciate together?
Is it impacting your sex life, your relation?

I know a lot of friend that throw out the TV time out of their life. Is it something that you do or would be capable to do?

I find issues with screen time to be an interesting paradox, because at an earlier time before the ubiquity of screens, there were many that always had their nose in a book, or some other sort of hobby that garnered just as much if not more than tech time of now, but doesn't garner the same type of ire.
I used to take it for face value, especially from a heteronormative perspective, that often times women felt lacking in attention from men that were always watching their TVs and phones, but I noticed the sentiment is not negative when equivalent or more time was occupied by a hobby like reading, or ship building, or car stuff. I think there's a pervasive idea that somehow the fulfillment garnered from screens rivals that of a partner in a way other hobbies don't, so similarly to the modern trope of women not being happy to see their man's happiness not derived from her in some way..screens seem to be considered a cheat, or a shortcut for fulfillment that should be earned from a partner.
I also think it is easier and more convenient to question why a partner diverts so much attention towards screens, than to look inwards and perhaps take accountability for not being a bigger diversion...again from a gendered perspective, I know most men that complain about their wives/gfs obsession with social media are 1st tasked with making sure they're providing the emotional attention and support she seems instead of critiquing how she gets what is "lacking" in the relationship.
I also know from the perspective of a partner that thought their partner was too into a specific social media, that me making the effort indulge myself from time to time in whatever zeitgeist was going on over there meant she would make it a point, and the effort to involve me into her screen time.

 

[huguest]

I find issues with screen time to be an interesting paradox, because at an earlier time before the ubiquity of screens, there were many that always had their nose in a book, or some other sort of hobby that garnered just as much if not more than tech time of now, but doesn't garner the same type of ire.
I used to take it for face value, especially from a heteronormative perspective, that often times women felt lacking in attention from men that were always watching their TVs and phones, but I noticed the sentiment is not negative when equivalent or more time was occupied by a hobby like reading, or ship building, or car stuff. I think there's a pervasive idea that somehow the fulfillment garnered from screens rivals that of a partner in a way other hobbies don't, so similarly to the modern trope of women not being happy to see their man's happiness not derived from her in some way..screens seem to be considered a cheat, or a shortcut for fulfillment that should be earned from a partner.
I also think it is easier and more convenient to question why a partner diverts so much attention towards screens, than to look inwards and perhaps take accountability for not being a bigger diversion...again from a gendered perspective, I know most men that complain about their wives/gfs obsession with social media are 1st tasked with making sure they're providing the emotional attention and support she seems instead of critiquing how she gets what is "lacking" in the relationship.
I also know from the perspective of a partner that thought their partner was too into a specific social media, that me making the effort indulge myself from time to time in whatever zeitgeist was going on over there meant she would make it a point, and the effort to involve me into her screen time.

Good point,

I'm not sure TV time is equivalent to a hobby. It's pure consumption, you literally put your brain on idle and TV time can represent 2h to 4h a day. It's a killing device for communication in a couple and a replacement for emotional satisfaction.

But really good points, thanks

Still, how does it affect your actual relation?

 

[Sagittarius84]

Good point,

I'm not sure TV time is equivalent to a hobby. It's pure consumption, you literally put your brain on idle and TV time can represent 2h to 4h a day. It's a killing device for communication in a couple and a replacement for emotional satisfaction.

But really good points, thanks

Still, how does it affect your actual relation?

It's a matter of shared interest. I've found if it's a subject matter she is interested in, then the screentime I indulge upon is of no consequence. But if she doesn't care then it's time she thinks is better served with her.

 

[elklindoxxx]

I don't watch television. It's a waste of time. I've got better things to do with my time.

 

[ILoveGames48]

If you are saying there is an issue with screen time .. causing issues with relation.. I’d say there’s more going on in the relationship causing to have issues.. .. I watch tv play games and stuff and when it comes time for intimacy then it may not happen right away but it will happen.. I am not a robot that you’d come to say I wanna fuck and I say yes master and go to doing what you order me to..

That’s not how it works.. unless you are in a relationship that’s made to be bossed around

 

[Sagittarius84]

If you are saying there is an issue with screen time .. causing issues with relation.. I’d say there’s more going on in the relationship causing to have issues.. .. I watch tv play games and stuff and when it comes time for intimacy then it may not happen right away but it will happen.. I am not a robot that you’d come to say I wanna fuck and I say yes master and go to doing what you order me to..

That’s not how it works.. unless you are in a relationship that’s made to be bossed around

It brings up an interesting question about a partner's entitlement to attention, and if this is subjective due to the nature of attention sought. I don't think you'd find to many disagreements about not wanting to be a fuck robot that just drops their own entertainment immediately to comply, but I think more than a few people have the expectation that their partner is a "listening robot" or a "feelings robot", whose main function is to fulfill those things, on command.
You could even take it a step further, especially on the heteronormative front. For anybody who's wife really likes reality TV or crime/horror dramas most guys are going to get the cold shoulder if they suggested such time could be better spent with sexual intimacy, but best be prepared to drop their show/movie/game at the 1st hint she feels she needs attention in any way.

 

[Infernal]

My husband has the television on 24 hours a day. During the week it's almost always on a news station, and the weekend it switches between the news, a cooking show, or one of those horrible 90-day fiance shows. I hate it. He bitches that I won't sit out there and spend time with him and I've told him exactly why. The news is all politics and a repetition of what the previous show talked about. So I sit in the office with my headphones on and tune it out.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I'm not sure TV time is equivalent to a hobby. It's pure consumption, you literally put your brain on idle and TV time can represent 2h to 4h a day.

I also think this is a bit of false propaganda carried over from generations past watching their children fall victim to the "boob tube" and all the random nonsense offered as entertainment ..most screen time from my generation up is somewhat instructional if not educational and informative; not equivalent to, but more than likely hobby adjacent, or tutorial in nature. That 2-4 hrs in screen time now may have corresponded to days and weeks of all encompassing research yrs ago.

During the week it's almost always on a news station, and the weekend it switches between the news, a cooking show, or one of those horrible 90-day fiance shows. I hate it. He bitches that I won't sit out there and spend time with him and I've told him exactly why.

So people having different interests is often good for a relationship in general...what do you think is the probable outcome of not just not partaking but demonizing his interests? Why not try to steer him to more informative news sources, or try to recreate the dishes in the cooking shows?
Surely you have some interests that aren't really his cup of tea but he'll partake just to get the satisfaction of doing so with you?
Like I get 90 day fiance hate, not everyone enjoys the psychology and pathology exposed by those shows,but cooking and news seem like topics you'd have to actively and ideologically be opposed to in order to not find something to glean some matter of fulfillment from.
And if he was offered the opportunity to share consequence free honesty, how would you feel if he felt whatever you offered to get and retain his attention has fallen below substandard? Are you as attention grabbing as TV? Since you seem to want it, what efforts(as per his expressed desires) do you undertake to make yourself more of a palatable diversion than TV?

 

[Infernal]

So people having different interests is often good for a relationship in general...what do you think is the probable outcome of not just not partaking but demonizing his interests? Why not try to steer him to more informative news sources, or try to recreate the dishes in the cooking shows?
Surely you have some interests that aren't really his cup of tea but he'll partake just to get the satisfaction of doing so with you?
Like I get 90 day fiance hate, not everyone enjoys the psychology and pathology exposed by those shows,but cooking and news seem like topics you'd have to actively and ideologically be opposed to in order to not find something to glean some matter of fulfillment from.
And if he was offered the opportunity to share consequence free honesty, how would you feel if he felt whatever you offered to get and retain his attention has fallen below substandard? Are you as attention grabbing as TV? Since you seem to want it, what efforts(as per his expressed desires) do you undertake to make yourself more of a palatable diversion than TV?

I might also mention that we both work from home. I work a few hours in the morning, and then I manage a family-owned retail store a few days a week, so I'm out of the house. He works with his earbuds in and listens to the news while he works. When he's done working he moves to the living room and turns don't the same stations and watches it there. It is an all-day thing. When I come home from work, I don't want to see 4 hours of programming about starving children in Gaza. It's fucking depressing. It's also an election year. That means the negativity is only going to increase. My biggest issue with it is he has some health issues and his doctors have told him that keeping his stress levels low will go a long way to keeping things under control. The amount of news he exposes himself to and the amount of negativity can't be good for his mental health.

We used to enjoy cooking and home design shows together, but that's when they were cooking and design shows. Somewhere around 2010, the networks changed their programming to a competition format. Neither one of us enjoys that anymore. As for the other dumpster fire shows he watches, I can tune it out with a book. When we do cook together, the television goes off and we listen to much that we both like instead.

 

[huguest]

And if he was offered the opportunity to share consequence free honesty, how would you feel if he felt whatever you offered to get and retain his attention has fallen below substandard? Are you as attention grabbing as TV? Since you seem to want it, what efforts(as per his expressed desires) do you undertake to make yourself more of a palatable diversion than TV?

That's the main point, It's now a competition between the tv and me in this relation.

Her attention is devised between the job, the kids, the tv... There is not much left for our relation.

Her choice to take 4h a day in all this for the tv time is degrading our relation. Your right in the sense that I do have to work for our relation and I should propose other distraction. It's just sending to me a clear statement that I'm not her priority or of interest enough.

When I met her, it was clear that we didn't want tv in our house. But now everything is on the internet, "entertainment" just find a other way in our life. We do watch some tv show together. But not 4, 5 different show every night. She go to bed 2h hours later just so she can catch up to her shows.

That caused us to sleep separated because she join me in bed and wake me up around midnight.

I miss the day's when TV was not in the house. If she choose the tv, I will not wait by the side any longer, I will fulfill this time by going out without her.