Kimahri

I need to work harder in the gym. On bodybuilding.com there is a 58 year old guy that is ripped and built like someone in their 20s. I don't think I'll be able to achieve that level of fitness because I don't have the motivation to workout 5 times a week. It's a challenge to get in there for the 3 times that I go now.

I'm going to look and see if I can get my medical insurance company to cover my gym membership as it's a recommendation as part of my treatment for my mood. That'd...

The irritability is very prominent now. I'm hoping that a med dosage increase will help. Things at home are status quo right now, but how long will that last? I don't know.

The fact remains, he can't cope with the rollercoaster of moods that I have. He was very hard headed in the beginning and pushed really hard for this relationship. When things got rough, instead of bailing like most, he simply started looking elsewhere. I was mad about it, but now I'm just wanting to get...

The order in which you say things is scrutinized now days. The people here that have kept up with the situation between me and the bf know how he could be a contributing factor to my new problem. My therapist implied as much as well.

The real thing is getting the situation addressed. I hate going to doctors. I have health insurance and would rather die than to use it. Of course those companies I get my coverage through have no issue sucking up my money. LOL.

Oh...

So, thru much time spent in therapy, I've gotten to the point where I can examine who / what I am a little better and cope. I was never "mighty", but the phrase "How the mighty have fallen" is very apropos. Many of the situations I'm in are direct results of my issues. I guess that can be said for anyone. I don't know what I was thinking over the years, but man...I need to go back in time and slap the shit outta me.

I think the thing that stings the most is...

So, things at home are...strained at best. After the rest of the stuff I found out, don't know how this is going to play out. Especially after my truck is paid off. Whatever.

The thing that's been bothering me is how horny I've been lately. I masturbated 4 times in an hour and still wasn't satisfied. I stopped there because I didn't want to have a small load when the bf wanted to play. It's like I'm 20 something again. The more I do, the worse it gets. Normally, it'd be a result...