Chrysalis and Toolman to Divorce

It’s true. ToolMan and I are going our separate ways.

I know this will probably come as a shock. It has to many people in my life. It would take far too long to explain all the history or the reasons involved, but I haven’t been as happy as I've led everyone to believe, including myself.

For a long time, I tried to keep a positive attitude no matter what, and my posts on LPSG reflected that. In speaking of our relationship, I always told people the good things, but left the bad things unsaid. It made for a very pretty picture.

I know I wanted to believe in it. I think, on some level, I hoped that telling the fairy tale enough times would make it true, but some things have happened recently that have forced me to be honest with myself and with my husband.

LPSG members weren’t the only group of people to only hear the “fairy tale” version of our relationship. We’ve always spoken well of each other to everyone in our lives. As a result, they believed that we were the perfect couple—we had everything going for us.

In truth though, we have been in conflict for years, and have made countless compromises, giving up a little more of ourselves each time. None of our efforts brought us any lasting peace, and after a long battle, we are declaring a “cease fire.” We are just not right for each other anymore.

No one has done anything bad or wrong. No one has been physically or verbally abusive. No one has been sleeping around outside the marriage. The root of the problem is fundamental incompatibility, and it cannot be fixed.

To the members of LPSG, I apologize if I have disappointed you, and I want you to know that there was never any intentional deception involved. I know some of you may want to help us. Various individuals in our social circle have already suggested threesomes, swinging, marriage counseling, prayer, and just about anything else they can think of.

So, at this time, I want to make it very clear that the problems between TM and me are complex, and that we’re far past the point of having the means or the strength to work it out. We have agreed that it is time for both of us to move on, and we understand the finality of this decision.

We have loved each other for a long time, still do, and probably always will. As this process unfolds, we are doing our best to treat each other with as much kindness and respect as we can. We are committed to remaining friends—neither of us is vindictive or looking for a fight. We just want to go our separate ways, with a minimum of hassle.

This will be my last post as Chrysalis. I am taking on a new identity; that of HollyBlue. I will explain the reasons shortly in my first post under that name.

Thank you to everyone for your support and understanding. If you want to hope or pray anything for us, please just wish us peace and happiness as we begin our new lives, as well as a smooth transition from here to there.

Always sad when marriages end, but I'm glad both of you are confident it is the right choice! I certainly do wish you both happiness and luck in your journey to new and seperate lives. It was great to know you as Chrysalis, I know it will be great to know you as HollyBlue as well!

I know I have not gotten to know you..." But, I am VERY Sorry to hear about your not so happy news. But, I am glad that you two feel the same way. I wish you BOTH the best..."

Holly blue you are a wonderfull woman. I admire you so much. I see a new and better life in your future.You are a great person with a heart of gold. i am so thankfull that you are my friend. I see your future to be bright and wonderfull. Bright and wonderfull like you.. You have touched my life in so many ways simply by being you. Remember to smile. Soulbirds of a feather flock together. You were allways there for me and i will allways be here for you. .............Danny

I'm sure noone here expected this.You have nothing to apologize for Chrys,it's natural to try to give the impression that all's well.When you're both unhappy with your situation it's no use trying to live a lie.
I'll just join the others here in wishing you both all the best for the future.

Hi Chrys,

I am really sorry to hear the news......I hope you both find happiness in your seperate ways. So here is to new beginings and a happier 2007.

warmest regards,
Deb

Thank you, everybody.

And Uncut... pitter patter

First, I'm very sorry that your marriage is ending, but I also congratulate both of you for being so mature, kind and considerate of each other during this difficult transition, and I wish you both the very best as you move forward in your lives.

I really respect that you always spoke so highly of TM and your relationship, even when things weren't going so well. It shows how compassionate you are and how committed you were even when it wasn't working anymore. Big changes like this always come as a shock to friends and family, and hopefully in your case they will handle it with grace and trust that you are making the right choice.

Take care and remember that everyone at LPSG will be here for you.

Please don't feel that you have to apologize to anyone. You are
very brave to come forward like this and deserve a great deal of respect.
Admitting what you have, is a far harder thing to do . Take care, I'm
sure you'll get all the support you need from us here.

Holly Blue-- we care for you and will be here for you (and Toolman) come what may.

HollyBlue: This is the last thing I believe any of us would think. You've been a breath of fresh air. It is hardly surprising that anyone would do their best to find the best in a situation and to tell that version of the story to the world. And right up until the moment that the two of you decided that wasn't workable, it still seems the right thing to do. (Your screenname should have been a clue to all of us, however!)

Best to both of you. Welcome to the new you.

You owe no one an apology for anything, Hollyblue. Sometimes divorce is the only answer, and no amount of advice or well-meaning offers of sympathy will stop the inevitable realigning of yourself that must now occur. I hope the transition to a single person goes smoothly and relatively painlessly for you. Hugs. John

We are looking forward to meeting the new HollyBlue.

It sounds like you are being mature about the divorce, life happens, so you both will survive

All the best to both of you.

I am really sorry to hear about the end of your marriage, no matter good or bad it can be agonizing experience. Please know we are there for this new chapter in your life.

Sweeite...Im so sorry to hear this, i do hope it means a happier life for you both though. Think of the good and leave the bad where it belongs which is in the past..

Best wishes and love to both you and tool man