first trip to the gynecologist (detailed blog)
today i had my first trip to the gynecologist. things haven't been functioning properly down there and i've been needing to get it checked out anyway. lately my girly parts have been, oh what's the word... annoyed. about 2 weeks ago i did a walk-in appointment but they couldn't take me because of a staff shortage that day. instead i could only schedule an appointment for a future visit and all they had open was today. there was nothing i could do in the mean time but wait and let my poor vagina suffer.
i arrived on time for my 1pm appointment but sat in the waiting room for another hour. while i was waiting, the medical assistant behind the counter kept calling other people up to speak to them about the reason for their visits. funny thing was everyone in the lobby could hear how loud she was and exactly what she was saying... one woman needed a pregnancy test, another needed the morning after pill, and the other came in to renew her birth control. talk about the right to patient privacy huh?
so i'm waiting... waiting... waiting... and finally! they call my name at 2pm. yay! no more having to listen to the loud mouth lady behind the counter talk about other peoples problems! the medical assistant brings me into the exam room and we discuss my chart, record my blood pressure, height, weight, and the reason for my visit.
i explain to her that i need new birth control pills because i hate the last brand was prescribed. then i continued to tell her about what's been going on down with my girly parts. she says it sounds like i may have a yeast infection! a yeast infection? i’ve never had one of those before!
we go on discussing what symptoms i've experienced and talk some more... yadda, yadda, yadda. she proceeds to tell me that the doctor will be doing a pap smear to see what the problem is. she hands me a paper gown and leaves the room while i get undressed.
after waiting about 10 mins. the doctor pops in and introduces himself. he was a skinny old man with wrinkles and age marks who was also balding, but kept the remainder of his grey hair tied back in a ponytail. i'm guessing he must have been at least 70 years old. to top it off he had this glazed look in his eyes and grinned at me with his big yellow teeth. when i shook his hand he was so fragile and felt as cold as ice. i felt really weird, not because i've never had a male doctor give me a pap smear before, but because i was thinking to myself, "gosh, this is awkward. i'm gonna get felt up by a wrinkly old man with yellow teeth."
as strange as things were, i kept my cool and we started my breast exam. he asked me a few questions about my birth control pills and we kept things conversational. his hands were so chilling, it was like i was being groped by mr. freeze... you know, from the batman comics.
when it came time for my pevlic exam and pap smear, i lay back on the table and i swear, i almost farted after i put my feet on the stirrups!! i did my best to hold in my laughter while he went on saying he needs to find some lube for the clamp that opens my cervix. after i calmed myself down from laughing, he puts his cold hands on my hips and literally pulls me toward the end of the exam table without warning. i twitched in shock because it was unexpected and i've never had a doctor do that, especially during a pap smear!
we start my pelvic exam, and as if it wasn't weird enough, he stands up from the end of the table, looks me in the eye while i'm laying back on my back, and continues talking about alternative birth control methods with two fingers in my cooter and one hand pressing down on my pelvis. i had a total "huh?" expression on my face while he went on babbling about the importance of condoms. after that, he sits back down and goes on to finish the rest of the procedure. insert, clamp, swipe, swipe, release. it was was painless and only took a few minutes, but it was the absolute most awkward few minutes.
after he washes his hands, we talk a bit more and then he exits the room to let me get dressed. i hop off the exam table, put my clothes back on, and shortly aftewards a different medical assistant comes in holding a brown paper bag. she asks how my exam went. i replied to her, "it was good," when i was really thinking, "it was fucking weird!" the medical assistant goes on to tell me that i do have a yeast infection. she tells me that i'll be prescribed a pill and goes over how to take it. she also notifies me that there are 2 dozen condoms in the paper bag that are mine to take home.
i put the bag in my purse and sign the last of my paperwork before exiting the exam room. on the way home all i could think about is how awkward my pap smear went. do all his patients feel as weird as i do? maybe i'm the only one this has happened to? who knows? all i can say is now i have another two dozen condoms to add to the other condoms that are already sitting in my drawer. they won't be getting any use so if anyone needs condoms i'm your go-to gal!! oh and by the way, the yeast infection pill is already kicking in. i'm not irritated anymore!
i arrived on time for my 1pm appointment but sat in the waiting room for another hour. while i was waiting, the medical assistant behind the counter kept calling other people up to speak to them about the reason for their visits. funny thing was everyone in the lobby could hear how loud she was and exactly what she was saying... one woman needed a pregnancy test, another needed the morning after pill, and the other came in to renew her birth control. talk about the right to patient privacy huh?
so i'm waiting... waiting... waiting... and finally! they call my name at 2pm. yay! no more having to listen to the loud mouth lady behind the counter talk about other peoples problems! the medical assistant brings me into the exam room and we discuss my chart, record my blood pressure, height, weight, and the reason for my visit.
i explain to her that i need new birth control pills because i hate the last brand was prescribed. then i continued to tell her about what's been going on down with my girly parts. she says it sounds like i may have a yeast infection! a yeast infection? i’ve never had one of those before!
we go on discussing what symptoms i've experienced and talk some more... yadda, yadda, yadda. she proceeds to tell me that the doctor will be doing a pap smear to see what the problem is. she hands me a paper gown and leaves the room while i get undressed.
after waiting about 10 mins. the doctor pops in and introduces himself. he was a skinny old man with wrinkles and age marks who was also balding, but kept the remainder of his grey hair tied back in a ponytail. i'm guessing he must have been at least 70 years old. to top it off he had this glazed look in his eyes and grinned at me with his big yellow teeth. when i shook his hand he was so fragile and felt as cold as ice. i felt really weird, not because i've never had a male doctor give me a pap smear before, but because i was thinking to myself, "gosh, this is awkward. i'm gonna get felt up by a wrinkly old man with yellow teeth."
as strange as things were, i kept my cool and we started my breast exam. he asked me a few questions about my birth control pills and we kept things conversational. his hands were so chilling, it was like i was being groped by mr. freeze... you know, from the batman comics.
when it came time for my pevlic exam and pap smear, i lay back on the table and i swear, i almost farted after i put my feet on the stirrups!! i did my best to hold in my laughter while he went on saying he needs to find some lube for the clamp that opens my cervix. after i calmed myself down from laughing, he puts his cold hands on my hips and literally pulls me toward the end of the exam table without warning. i twitched in shock because it was unexpected and i've never had a doctor do that, especially during a pap smear!
we start my pelvic exam, and as if it wasn't weird enough, he stands up from the end of the table, looks me in the eye while i'm laying back on my back, and continues talking about alternative birth control methods with two fingers in my cooter and one hand pressing down on my pelvis. i had a total "huh?" expression on my face while he went on babbling about the importance of condoms. after that, he sits back down and goes on to finish the rest of the procedure. insert, clamp, swipe, swipe, release. it was was painless and only took a few minutes, but it was the absolute most awkward few minutes.
after he washes his hands, we talk a bit more and then he exits the room to let me get dressed. i hop off the exam table, put my clothes back on, and shortly aftewards a different medical assistant comes in holding a brown paper bag. she asks how my exam went. i replied to her, "it was good," when i was really thinking, "it was fucking weird!" the medical assistant goes on to tell me that i do have a yeast infection. she tells me that i'll be prescribed a pill and goes over how to take it. she also notifies me that there are 2 dozen condoms in the paper bag that are mine to take home.
i put the bag in my purse and sign the last of my paperwork before exiting the exam room. on the way home all i could think about is how awkward my pap smear went. do all his patients feel as weird as i do? maybe i'm the only one this has happened to? who knows? all i can say is now i have another two dozen condoms to add to the other condoms that are already sitting in my drawer. they won't be getting any use so if anyone needs condoms i'm your go-to gal!! oh and by the way, the yeast infection pill is already kicking in. i'm not irritated anymore!
Total Comments 13
Comments
 |  Ugh, I've had a yeast infection before, they really suck the big ol' balls. I got prescribed the same ONE pill cure too. After a few hours it really kicked in me thinks! Either way, I give you kudos to going to a male.. i could never. ever.... i don't know why either.. i'd jsut feel weird about the whole thing. I'm glad you're okay down there! I'm sure your pap will come up normal! I've never gotten one myself... and i'm almost twenty one.. :\ i really need to get around to it. |
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| |   Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, but it just about died when you said you almost farted! I'm glad the pills are working. And hey, two dozen condoms for use on anyone in particular.  |
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| |  I always thought the male gynecologist thing was a bit strange. Similarly, female urologists seemed strange too. But I guess it is a job like any other! Too bad about his creepy ice-hands, though! As for the yeast infection, I remember my ex had a yeast infection for some time and didn't go to the doctor--I suspected that's what it was and looked up the symptoms online! Anyway, we got the over-the-counter treatment and it was gone in no time. Sex was way better for her afterwards, too. :) |
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| |  Diflucan is the best thing since pizza!Yup that little pill is Diflucan and it totally rocks! Pelvic exams are just a necessary evil. It's part of being a girl.  I can't say I've ever had an enjoyable one. Though I did have a gyno when I lived in Massachusetts that hung mobiles and posters from the ceiling over the exam table. That was nice, it gave me something to focus on other than the fact I was being probed and groped by a man who hadn't even bought me a nice dinner.  Like many women I get yeast infections after I take an antibiotic.  If you've been sick lately that can be the culprit. they can alsobe caused by sitting around in wet swimsuits, or tight polyester clothing. Add stress to the mix and voila! Yeast infection.  |
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| |  thank you everyone for your concern about the well being of my girly parts. i am happy to report that i'm feeling much better today, and that little pill kicked in fast! notthe7, having a male gynecologist is not as weird as most women think. in my case, this old guy was just weird in general. but i give him much respect he knew what he was doing. go figure, he's friggin old and he's got years and years of experience, so my pap was totally quick and painless. in the past i've had other women gynos do my paps, and one lady hurt me so much i felt like my cervix was being ripped apart by the clamper thingie... i wanted to cry! omg bryan, if i had farted in his face that probably would've been the funniest thing! i am sooo glad i was able to hold it in LOL. and hey, if you come to LA instead of colorado we can put my condoms to use! what do you say? mikey, i'm happy the OTC stuff worked for your ex. but the OTC stuff doesn't work for all women. it's the next best thing if you don't wanna see a doctor. however, in my case i did try it and i still wasn't getting results. nothing worked and i had to go to the gynecologist regardless. njqt, your male gynecologist was a genius for hanging posters up there! i wish mine was as creative as him. i would think staring at wall art while you're being fingered and clamped can be a good distraction. |
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| |  I will always appreciate a reference to Mr. Freeze (who wouldn't know he's one of Batman's villains?!) Oh, and are any of the condoms Magnums? |
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| | haha eddie, if they were magnums i'd save them for you! btw i'm not going out of town this weekend after all. my plans fell through. are you still gonna be in LA/newbury? |
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| |  Yikes, Stacy, that was a weird exam. I absolutely hate the cold instruments (why don't they warm them?)... and the man having cold hands just adds insult to injury. I've had male and female gyns, but I prefer female ones. I just feel more comfortable talking to them. |
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| | not_punny, i can't stand the cold instruments either. it's a good thing our vaginas are self-warming or we'd be outta luck  lol. i think in the future i would rather have a female gyno than a male gyno. like you, i just feel more comfortable with a woman because she also knows what i'm experiencing. |
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| | Girl, is there any way you can come to Colorado? Pleeeeeeeaseeee? I've got that big empty bed, a fireplace, and a hot tub just waiting for you and me. |
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| |  You should have asked if the condoms were extra large size. |
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| | jovial, imagine how much more awkward the appointment would have been if i asked the gynecologist for magnums instead of regular condoms. i wonder if magnums are even kept in their condom stash  i guess there's only one way to find out next time i'm in there... and i'll save them for you |
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| |  OMG!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!! Darlin, I have never had a pelvic exam like that one! haha! WOW! and was the nurse not in there with you? If she wasn't that probably intesified the weirdness...and no doubt it was completely ODD! BUT what an insanely funny story! and suddenly...my perceptions of past annuals have just improved! haha I have never had a yeast infrection ..and find that odd because all of my friends have them..almost it seems chronically...I am in my 30s and have never had one...I wonder why that is? Thanks for sharing your story!! :) |
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Recent Blog Entries by stacy
- Announcing my departure from LPSG (07-14-2008)
- first trip to the gynecologist (detailed blog) (07-02-2008)
- my freakin modem died! (05-16-2008)
- Considering a new photo gallery (04-13-2008)
