Living with your mother in-law
Posted 06-13-2008 at 04:00 AM by Kotchanski
Right, so yeah, I need to let off some steam, I'm going out of my mind here.
As most of you know, we were living in a very unhealthy row of flats and had little to no chance of getting out any time soon. It got to the point where we couldn't leave the flat without fear of being assaulted by other tenants smashed off their faces on something or other, or getting stoned ourselves when trying to find our way through the think clouds of smoke.
There were dealers, runners, and good ol'fashioned users there all day every day, well, until the nightly attempted stabbings (an exaggeration, it was only stabbings a few times in the year and a half I was there, but nightly very violent fights which resulted in one or more being taken to hospital) kicked off, then the police would arrive (usually 7 or so cars and at least 1 riot van)
Anyway... to the update.
Three weeks ago, my husband phoned me from work and told me about that his mother had been on the phone and was in a bit of a state. She's worked full time for years, and a few months ago, lost her job due to "office politics" and has been temping since then. The past two months, she's not been getting regular temp jobs, and hasn't had any luck on the full time front either. Financially she's not doing very well.
Two weeks ago, we moved in with her, so we can help out with the bills and cover what she can't atm.
I'm not dealing with any of this very well.
I have very little (read none) privacy here, I don't have a proper bedroom, I'm in what was the sitting room, which has a conservatory attached with no doors between that and the hall leading to the kitchen. We've put up curtains in the door ways, but that still leaves the double glass doors of the conservatory to deal with.
During the day, we're both home, and there are things, private things, I need to do, but she follows me around like a lost puppy for most of the day and its driving me nuts.
It has been literally years since I've gone a day without masturbating while hubby is at work, usually 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a day, and now I'm down to 0. I can't watch my porn because she keeps poking her head through the curtains to see if I want a coffee and no matter how many times I try to explain to her, and no matter how blunt I am, she just doesn't get it.
If I hear "Don't worry, I don't shock easily" one more time I'll scream.
She can't understand why there's some washing I'd rather do myself either, or why I want her to leave her music turned up when I go to bed.
I just don't know what to do.
There are some things in life, I don't want to share with my mother in law. I've told people here most things about myself, but there are things I'm not even happy sharing with my closest friends here. I can't do what I need to do, I can't get her to understand.
My head hurts :(
As most of you know, we were living in a very unhealthy row of flats and had little to no chance of getting out any time soon. It got to the point where we couldn't leave the flat without fear of being assaulted by other tenants smashed off their faces on something or other, or getting stoned ourselves when trying to find our way through the think clouds of smoke.
There were dealers, runners, and good ol'fashioned users there all day every day, well, until the nightly attempted stabbings (an exaggeration, it was only stabbings a few times in the year and a half I was there, but nightly very violent fights which resulted in one or more being taken to hospital) kicked off, then the police would arrive (usually 7 or so cars and at least 1 riot van)
Anyway... to the update.
Three weeks ago, my husband phoned me from work and told me about that his mother had been on the phone and was in a bit of a state. She's worked full time for years, and a few months ago, lost her job due to "office politics" and has been temping since then. The past two months, she's not been getting regular temp jobs, and hasn't had any luck on the full time front either. Financially she's not doing very well.
Two weeks ago, we moved in with her, so we can help out with the bills and cover what she can't atm.
I'm not dealing with any of this very well.
I have very little (read none) privacy here, I don't have a proper bedroom, I'm in what was the sitting room, which has a conservatory attached with no doors between that and the hall leading to the kitchen. We've put up curtains in the door ways, but that still leaves the double glass doors of the conservatory to deal with.
During the day, we're both home, and there are things, private things, I need to do, but she follows me around like a lost puppy for most of the day and its driving me nuts.
It has been literally years since I've gone a day without masturbating while hubby is at work, usually 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a day, and now I'm down to 0. I can't watch my porn because she keeps poking her head through the curtains to see if I want a coffee and no matter how many times I try to explain to her, and no matter how blunt I am, she just doesn't get it.
If I hear "Don't worry, I don't shock easily" one more time I'll scream.
She can't understand why there's some washing I'd rather do myself either, or why I want her to leave her music turned up when I go to bed.
I just don't know what to do.
There are some things in life, I don't want to share with my mother in law. I've told people here most things about myself, but there are things I'm not even happy sharing with my closest friends here. I can't do what I need to do, I can't get her to understand.
My head hurts :(
Total Comments 18
Comments
-
OMG!!!!! I fear for your mother in law's life!!!!!
--------
Wow. Well, if necessity is the mother of invention, I'm really curious where this will eventually land you!Posted 06-13-2008 at 04:07 AM by Not_Punny
-
You fear for her life? I didn't know you knew me that well.... ;)Posted 06-13-2008 at 04:24 AM by Kotchanski -
Is there no other space in the house you can occupy with more privacy? Are you sharing the room with your husband or is he elsewhere? Can you 'take care of business' in the shower / bathroom?
You've tried being blunt... how blunt? "Look, you need to give me some space and some privacy or I'm going to have to move out and that is going to make all our lives harder. I don't care whether you shock easily or not - it isn't about you. It is about me. I need space and I need privacy!" Have you been that blunt?Posted 06-13-2008 at 05:06 AM by ManlyBanisters - Hey MB,
I share the "bedroom" and conservatory with hubby, and the kids have the second real bedroom upstairs.
At night, its not so bad, we say we're going to bed, and apart from her forcing me to be as quiet as physically possible, she generally leaves us alone. During the day though...
She knows we have an open marriage, she accepts that and doesn't try to force her opinions on us, which I know we should be grateful for, but at the same time, I can't sit at the PC and talk to women/men, because she's always stood behind me, finding any excuse to hold a conversation. I can't watch porn for the same reason. The list of things I can't do goes on...
As for how blunt here are a few recent examples:
(while packing)
Her: Why do you have condoms? He's been done hasn't he? Me: Yes, but the other guys haven't been.
(the washing)
Her: I'd really rather do the washing myself, even if it is just yours, I don't mind, I like doing it
Me: No offence but there are some things I don't want you dealing with
Her: Nothing I've not seen before
Me: I squirt, a lot, I don't want you knowing about it and dealing with it, its just wrong.
Her: haha, I don't shock that easily
(last night)
Hubby: We're off to bed
Her: I'll turn my music down
Hubby: No no, please leave it turned up
Her: No its not fair, you have work tomorrow
Hubby: But I'd rather you couldn't hear
Her: Its fine
Hubby: I want to fist her, fucking hard, and I don't want to be quiet about it
Her: Not like I've not heard people having sex before.
Its never fucking ending. She honestly doesn't see why we'd have a problem with it if she doesn't. I know she's lonely, she wants us to feel at home, but seriously, who could get off (unless very sick) knowing their mother could hear everything?
As for the shower suggestion.. We've tried that, but its amazing how as soon as I get in there, she needs the toilet. At this rate I'm going to have to get a job just so I can afford hotel rooms.
All I want is to be able to indulge in my porn, masturbation and fetishes (I have more than a few lol) without wondering if she's going to pop her head in and offer me coffee half way through lolPosted 06-13-2008 at 05:27 AM by Kotchanski - Difficult - very difficult.
Again - the only thing I can suggest is to attempt to explain that is isn't about her or what she minds, it is about you and what you mind.
And make a sign for the curtain (or wherever she comes through to offer you coffee) that says something like "No, thanks - I don't want a coffee. I'm busy right now, I'll be out at [TIME]" and then go out and have a coffee and chat with her at that time so she knows you are going to honour it and she won't feel like she's being left alone indefinitely.
It sounds silly - but it sounds like you are going to have to 'train her' like that if things are going to have a chance of working.Posted 06-13-2008 at 06:20 AM by ManlyBanisters - so cool the way you are into masturbation and honest about it.Posted 06-13-2008 at 06:27 AM by Robcolt23
-
Find another place to live and fast!!!! Private matters of sex, masturbation, open relationships, etc. can be shared with family, but they should not HAVE TO BE SHARED.
I can't imagine having to ask in-laws to keep radio loud because I really want to fist and fuck my wife and she is a screamer and squirter!Posted 06-13-2008 at 09:44 AM by Lng_1 - See part of the problem is that if we leave, she'll lose the house. She can't afford to keep it, pay the bills and all that without us here (she's struggling enough with us here)
I'd love to up and leave, but she bailed us out when we really needed it, and now we're doing the same for her.
I just wish there was a way of explaining that she'd understand. I've been having nightmares about bringing a woman home and in the middle of going down on her, having to lift my head to say no to yet another coffeePosted 06-13-2008 at 09:58 AM by Kotchanski -
Roll her a big knock-out doobie and send her out to work in the garden. She'll be tripping on the Azaleas for hours and then she'll sleep.Posted 06-13-2008 at 10:29 AM by vince - In my mind i keep picturing you going down on another woman, with your ass high in the air..... at that point, I think, Hell, with the mother-in-law, you can move in with me!!!!
Seriously, I sympathize with you. As blunt as you already have been, I get the distinct impression that Mother-in-law wants to join in your sexual escapades. She seems to want to listen, interrupt, look over your shoulder, etc. All in all, she is a voyeur at least and willing participant at most...... That of course, opens up a whole other can of worms!Posted 06-13-2008 at 11:28 AM by Lng_1 - If you've got the room, I'm there lol
And eww.. thats just sick. Oh god, I'm not going to be able to look at her without my skin crawling now lolPosted 06-13-2008 at 11:34 AM by Kotchanski - Well, I think we can accommodate you-- although it may be a bit tight <smile>.....
I agree, it is sick that she wants to join in, but after what you and hubby have said to her, what other conclusion is there?
Now I am torn, your image = instant hard-on
Image of mother-in-law interrrupting = need to vomit. Damnit Kotchanski!!! lolPosted 06-13-2008 at 11:39 AM by Lng_1 - One other suggestion... if I may... show her my post about you wanting to join in.....
it will either (A) confirm my suspicions-- meaning immediate departure is necessary or (B) get her to mind her own business and give you the privacy an open, sexy lady needs.
Good luck!!!Posted 06-13-2008 at 11:47 AM by Lng_1 - I may just do that, should make for an entertaining conversation either way lol
Now back to those images you were having....Posted 06-13-2008 at 11:49 AM by Kotchanski -
Geez Kotch I feel for you {I'd love to!}
There doesn't seem to be any way to make her understand if your hubby's "I want to fist her hard" didn't do it what the hell will?
I like Lng 1's idea of showing her the pm.
Show her what you've written and ask her to understand that you don't want her watching,listening or God forbid joining in?!!
I'm here if you want to vent to someone.
Hugs,
cigarbabe
Posted 06-13-2008 at 01:55 PM by cigarbabe -
I sympathize
My best friend lived with her in-laws for the first 10 years of their marriage.
They have now been married 23 years and are in couples counseling. His mom is a passive-aggressive, condescending, psycho bitch.
I understand your sense of moral obligation; but you gotta get out of there. Until then I think ManlyBanisters suggestion sounds best.Posted 06-13-2008 at 04:54 PM by njqt466
Updated 06-14-2008 at 12:43 AM by njqt466 -
sound like one hell of a situation ur in. i think that u either need to site down and have a conversation with her saying that ur only here to help her out and that u need ur own privacy or follow Lng 1's suggestions and confront her about her wanting to join in with u.
or u could move out and then if really necessary get her to move into ur house where u could set down ur own rules and tell her to not be so bloody interferring.Posted 06-14-2008 at 10:39 AM by 11inchbill -
I think telling her so much about your sex life is sending out the message that you're not bothered about privacy.Posted 06-15-2008 at 07:28 PM by SpoiledPrincess
