The kind of thoughts and stories I'm not about to go posting in my LiveJournal or MySpace. My family might read that stuff, ya know.
I think love is killing my drive.
Posted 07-26-2008 at 10:07 PM by lcrm357
Yeah, I don't get it either. I'm so into this one girl that nothing else seems to work for me. Any advance made toward me seems to have a temporary effect as best, and porn seems to have little to no effect. The only person that can make me that way now is... her. Sheesh.
It's kinda like know how my FWB felt. After a while, I was the only one good enough for her.
The difference here is not just that she's the only one that can turn me on, but even thinking about someone else makes me desire her instead.
The sad part is, we're not technically "boyfriend and girlfriend" yet. (Lord, that phrase sounds so insipid when you're pushing 30.) She's been with a few other guys, and even though I'm pretty certain she has romantic feelings for me, she seems uncertain about making the relationship "official". I understand though, looking at what she's been though in the past.
Of course the ever nagging question is if I'm really in love. I say you can't really label that emotion with words and examples. It's not something I just blurt out to get laid though. I'm way past the age where that's expected, and I've never been one to exploit that emotion in others for personal gain. (Well, not intentionally.) I just know I do. It's the same feeling I had for the first girl I ever loved.. who I still thought of giving a second chance after she betrayed me. It's the same feeling I had for the second girl I ever loved... even when her own personal mental issue kept her from having sex, and she became more and more emotionally distant from me, as I stayed by her side for over 4 years, hoping she'd come around some day.
To me, it's an ever lingering feeling of adoration. The feeling that I need to protect her. The feeling that I would gladly sacrifice every bit of myself in order to make her happy. The feeling of elation when I see her smile. The tears of joy that well up in my eyes when I tell her how I feel.
Will it ever be official? I can't say. I'll wait though. I'm more than willing to wait.
It's kinda like know how my FWB felt. After a while, I was the only one good enough for her.
The difference here is not just that she's the only one that can turn me on, but even thinking about someone else makes me desire her instead.
The sad part is, we're not technically "boyfriend and girlfriend" yet. (Lord, that phrase sounds so insipid when you're pushing 30.) She's been with a few other guys, and even though I'm pretty certain she has romantic feelings for me, she seems uncertain about making the relationship "official". I understand though, looking at what she's been though in the past.
Of course the ever nagging question is if I'm really in love. I say you can't really label that emotion with words and examples. It's not something I just blurt out to get laid though. I'm way past the age where that's expected, and I've never been one to exploit that emotion in others for personal gain. (Well, not intentionally.) I just know I do. It's the same feeling I had for the first girl I ever loved.. who I still thought of giving a second chance after she betrayed me. It's the same feeling I had for the second girl I ever loved... even when her own personal mental issue kept her from having sex, and she became more and more emotionally distant from me, as I stayed by her side for over 4 years, hoping she'd come around some day.
To me, it's an ever lingering feeling of adoration. The feeling that I need to protect her. The feeling that I would gladly sacrifice every bit of myself in order to make her happy. The feeling of elation when I see her smile. The tears of joy that well up in my eyes when I tell her how I feel.
Will it ever be official? I can't say. I'll wait though. I'm more than willing to wait.
Total Comments 2
Comments
 |  I'm in that kind of relationship now. I love it. Definately sounds like you're in love but she's just waiting for you to be assertive. |
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| |  I'm ConfusedI'm confused, what is meant by "making it official?" |
| |
Recent Blog Entries by lcrm357
- I'm apparently losing one of my assets... (08-27-2008)
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- So I just finished "No More Heroes"... (07-29-2008)
- I think love is killing my drive. (07-26-2008)
