Is it Possible
This is a conversation that took place between me and my female BFF an hour ago.
MrTurner1028 (8:36:05 AM): good morning
dulce (8:41:47 AM): Heyyy
dulce no longer idle at 8:42:27 AM.
MrTurner1028 (8:42:47 AM): how are you this lovely summer morning my dear
dulce (8:45:32 AM): Lovely summer mornin? I hate this weather
dulce (8:45:41 AM): I'm fine.walkin to work
MrTurner1028 (8:45:50 AM): haha
MrTurner1028 (8:45:56 AM): im waitin on j
MrTurner1028 (8:46:05 AM): the we walkin into town
dulce (8:46:07 AM): For what
MrTurner1028 (8:46:13 AM): to get breakfast
MrTurner1028 (8:46:26 AM): then i have a meeting at 1045
dulcei (8:46:43 AM): Ooo ok
MrTurner1028 (8:47:04 AM): crazy expereince last night
dulce (8:47:14 AM): Really
MrTurner1028 (8:47:21 AM): yea
MrTurner1028 (8:47:35 AM): i was in this chatroom
dulce (8:47:50 AM): O boy
MrTurner1028 (8:47:56 AM): so me in this girl started talking
MrTurner1028 (8:48:00 AM): on PM
MrTurner1028 (8:48:16 AM): we start talking bout jersey
MrTurner1028 (8:48:33 AM): since shes from jersey but living in florida now
dulce (8:48:46 AM): Yea
dulce (8:48:51 AM): PM?
MrTurner1028 (8:49:00 AM): private message
MrTurner1028 (8:49:21 AM): so i get a lil heavy ask her if she wants to cyber
MrTurner1028 (8:50:03 AM): she was like ok
MrTurner1028 (8:51:10 AM): so we just role play and talk about what we wanted to do to each other
MrTurner1028 (8:51:35 AM): share fantasies
MrTurner1028 (8:51:44 AM): whil im just jerkin
MrTurner1028 (8:52:02 AM): and shes has her vibrator and dildo out
MrTurner1028 (8:52:30 AM): we go at it fo about an 1-1 1/2 hours
MrTurner1028 (8:52:56 AM): she came 4 times
dulce (8:53:07 AM): Will..seriously
dulce (8:53:14 AM): This is sad
dulce (8:53:22 AM): Lets be serious
dulce (8:53:38 AM): She's 9 times out of 10 lying
dulce (8:53:48 AM): Lol
MrTurner1028 (8:54:03 AM): possibly
dulce (8:54:14 AM): Cybering is for middle school
MrTurner1028 (8:54:33 AM): *shrugs
dulce (8:55:00 AM): Unless you see her she's prob lying...
dulce (8:55:05 AM): And its not like she's getting off to YOU
dulce (8:55:10 AM): Just your words
MrTurner1028 (8:55:14 AM): yea
dulce (8:55:15 AM): But hey..do u!
MrTurner1028 (8:55:31 AM): now i feel bad
MrTurner1028 (8:56:13 AM): -_-
MrTurner1028 (8:56:50 AM): i mean what wuld you rather me do
dulce (8:57:10 AM): I always say the same thing about all that lpsg, cyber shit u do
MrTurner1028 (8:57:51 AM): i know its just the comp
MrTurner1028 (8:57:56 AM): dont take its serious
MrTurner1028 (8:58:09 AM): blah blah yea
dulce (8:58:10 AM): Personally...it doesn't matter ..cuz either way I'm not involved in your sex life
dulce (8:58:15 AM): I'm just saying...get out n meet ppl
dulce (8:58:37 AM): Hey..I man..if that's how u need to get off then go right ahead
MrTurner1028 (8:58:51 AM): thanks.......
dulce (8:59:02 AM): Mean*
MrTurner1028 (8:59:18 AM): i know youre trying to be protective of me
dulce (8:59:37 AM): That's not it..
dulce (8:59:49 AM): Its just u complain about this n that n then resort to cybering
dulce (9:00:07 AM): But I'm walking in
MrTurner1028 (9:00:14 AM): complain about what
dulce (9:00:14 AM): So ill ttyl
MrTurner1028 (9:03 AM): maybe i do need to get out and meet more people and socialize
MrTurner1028 (9:24 AM): but thats not always as easy as it sounds
MrTurner1028 (9:27 AM): im not resorting to anything
MrTurner1028 (9:36 AM): shit just happens
MrTurner1028 (9:50 AM): ive never really done it
MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): i share it with you
MrTurner1028 (9:03:52 AM): and then you go and crush my mood
MrTurner1028 (9:03:57 AM): its not just you
MrTurner1028 (9:04:06 AM): but its a cycle
MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): you dont know my motives charlynn
MrTurner1028 (9:39 AM): and i think you misunderstand my motives and my feeling
MrTurner1028 (9:15 AM): i confide in you a lot of what im feeling
MrTurner1028 (9:29 AM): what do you expect me to be
MrTurner1028 (9:33 AM): seriously
MrTurner1028 (9:45 AM): what do you want me to be?
MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): what would youu rather me do
MrTurner1028 (9:05 AM): cuz you clearly have a problem
MrTurner1028 (9:16:58 AM): with the stuff i do
MrTurner1028 (9:49 AM): im trying to do the best i can
MrTurner1028 (9:16:04 AM): and it seems like everything i do is wrong
dulce (9:50 AM): I don't have a problem with what u do..
dulce(9:09 AM): But I do have a problem when u come to me expecting me to be happy for you about some shit like that
dulce (9:19 AM): But bbl
MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): sorry for even mentioning it then
MrTurner1028 (9:36:12 AM): i didnt know you were gonna react that way
MrTurner1028 (9:36:47 AM): my first time tellin someone i did anything like this
MrTurner1028 (9:36:52 AM): and i dunno
MrTurner1028 (9:37:00 AM): im sorry charlynn
MrTurner1028 (9:37:11 AM): i really feel terrible
MrTurner1028 (9:37:18 AM): but dont worry about it
MrTurner1028 (9:37:36 AM): you know i mean it in a positive way
MrTurner1028 (9:38:33 AM): plus people see to want to start shit with me
MrTurner1028 (9:38:46 AM): and it was a high for me
MrTurner1028 (9:42:00 AM): so you know
MrTurner1028 (9:42:18 AM): sorry for mentioning it
Now after reading this and know what I know about me I start to wonder......
.......If me a very shy, bipolar, extremely sensitive, nerdy, quiet, gentle, feminine straight guy with social developmental problems
can ever find love or at least someone willing to take the time and effort to see him for the sweetheart that he really is and whats to show them. I'm hopeful. But i wish there was more I do within my own caring, gentle persona.
I am not the man with high bravado and swagger. That will never be me. I'm just caring and a romantic... but will anybody look long enough to see that.
This i hope so.
3 1/2 years is too long to wait I've been watching for my chances. As some things bloom and grow I just wonder what about me. I know I can be as good a lover as any but the uncertaity that I will ever get a legitimate shot at intimacy. What I crave and disire. Ive been lonely. Emotionally empty too long. Theres the obvious answer on how to fix it but awkward rejection after rejection looms. I just need someone who is willing to spend a lil time with me cuddle, chill watch a game, play wii, to share a light peck on the lips or cheek with. I pray and no one ever comes but hopefull someday she will. Or I'll have to find her........
Or I may never find her.....
MrTurner1028 (8:36:05 AM): good morning
dulce (8:41:47 AM): Heyyy
dulce no longer idle at 8:42:27 AM.
MrTurner1028 (8:42:47 AM): how are you this lovely summer morning my dear
dulce (8:45:32 AM): Lovely summer mornin? I hate this weather
dulce (8:45:41 AM): I'm fine.walkin to work
MrTurner1028 (8:45:50 AM): haha
MrTurner1028 (8:45:56 AM): im waitin on j
MrTurner1028 (8:46:05 AM): the we walkin into town
dulce (8:46:07 AM): For what
MrTurner1028 (8:46:13 AM): to get breakfast
MrTurner1028 (8:46:26 AM): then i have a meeting at 1045
dulcei (8:46:43 AM): Ooo ok
MrTurner1028 (8:47:04 AM): crazy expereince last night
dulce (8:47:14 AM): Really
MrTurner1028 (8:47:21 AM): yea
MrTurner1028 (8:47:35 AM): i was in this chatroom
dulce (8:47:50 AM): O boy
MrTurner1028 (8:47:56 AM): so me in this girl started talking
MrTurner1028 (8:48:00 AM): on PM
MrTurner1028 (8:48:16 AM): we start talking bout jersey
MrTurner1028 (8:48:33 AM): since shes from jersey but living in florida now
dulce (8:48:46 AM): Yea
dulce (8:48:51 AM): PM?
MrTurner1028 (8:49:00 AM): private message
MrTurner1028 (8:49:21 AM): so i get a lil heavy ask her if she wants to cyber
MrTurner1028 (8:50:03 AM): she was like ok
MrTurner1028 (8:51:10 AM): so we just role play and talk about what we wanted to do to each other
MrTurner1028 (8:51:35 AM): share fantasies
MrTurner1028 (8:51:44 AM): whil im just jerkin
MrTurner1028 (8:52:02 AM): and shes has her vibrator and dildo out
MrTurner1028 (8:52:30 AM): we go at it fo about an 1-1 1/2 hours
MrTurner1028 (8:52:56 AM): she came 4 times
dulce (8:53:07 AM): Will..seriously
dulce (8:53:14 AM): This is sad
dulce (8:53:22 AM): Lets be serious
dulce (8:53:38 AM): She's 9 times out of 10 lying
dulce (8:53:48 AM): Lol
MrTurner1028 (8:54:03 AM): possibly
dulce (8:54:14 AM): Cybering is for middle school
MrTurner1028 (8:54:33 AM): *shrugs
dulce (8:55:00 AM): Unless you see her she's prob lying...
dulce (8:55:05 AM): And its not like she's getting off to YOU
dulce (8:55:10 AM): Just your words
MrTurner1028 (8:55:14 AM): yea
dulce (8:55:15 AM): But hey..do u!
MrTurner1028 (8:55:31 AM): now i feel bad
MrTurner1028 (8:56:13 AM): -_-
MrTurner1028 (8:56:50 AM): i mean what wuld you rather me do
dulce (8:57:10 AM): I always say the same thing about all that lpsg, cyber shit u do
MrTurner1028 (8:57:51 AM): i know its just the comp
MrTurner1028 (8:57:56 AM): dont take its serious
MrTurner1028 (8:58:09 AM): blah blah yea
dulce (8:58:10 AM): Personally...it doesn't matter ..cuz either way I'm not involved in your sex life
dulce (8:58:15 AM): I'm just saying...get out n meet ppl
dulce (8:58:37 AM): Hey..I man..if that's how u need to get off then go right ahead
MrTurner1028 (8:58:51 AM): thanks.......
dulce (8:59:02 AM): Mean*
MrTurner1028 (8:59:18 AM): i know youre trying to be protective of me
dulce (8:59:37 AM): That's not it..
dulce (8:59:49 AM): Its just u complain about this n that n then resort to cybering
dulce (9:00:07 AM): But I'm walking in
MrTurner1028 (9:00:14 AM): complain about what
dulce (9:00:14 AM): So ill ttyl
MrTurner1028 (9:03 AM): maybe i do need to get out and meet more people and socialize
MrTurner1028 (9:24 AM): but thats not always as easy as it sounds
MrTurner1028 (9:27 AM): im not resorting to anything
MrTurner1028 (9:36 AM): shit just happens
MrTurner1028 (9:50 AM): ive never really done it
MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): i share it with you
MrTurner1028 (9:03:52 AM): and then you go and crush my mood
MrTurner1028 (9:03:57 AM): its not just you
MrTurner1028 (9:04:06 AM): but its a cycle
MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): you dont know my motives charlynn
MrTurner1028 (9:39 AM): and i think you misunderstand my motives and my feeling
MrTurner1028 (9:15 AM): i confide in you a lot of what im feeling
MrTurner1028 (9:29 AM): what do you expect me to be
MrTurner1028 (9:33 AM): seriously
MrTurner1028 (9:45 AM): what do you want me to be?
MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): what would youu rather me do
MrTurner1028 (9:05 AM): cuz you clearly have a problem
MrTurner1028 (9:16:58 AM): with the stuff i do
MrTurner1028 (9:49 AM): im trying to do the best i can
MrTurner1028 (9:16:04 AM): and it seems like everything i do is wrong
dulce (9:50 AM): I don't have a problem with what u do..
dulce(9:09 AM): But I do have a problem when u come to me expecting me to be happy for you about some shit like that
dulce (9:19 AM): But bbl
MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): sorry for even mentioning it then
MrTurner1028 (9:36:12 AM): i didnt know you were gonna react that way
MrTurner1028 (9:36:47 AM): my first time tellin someone i did anything like this
MrTurner1028 (9:36:52 AM): and i dunno
MrTurner1028 (9:37:00 AM): im sorry charlynn
MrTurner1028 (9:37:11 AM): i really feel terrible
MrTurner1028 (9:37:18 AM): but dont worry about it
MrTurner1028 (9:37:36 AM): you know i mean it in a positive way
MrTurner1028 (9:38:33 AM): plus people see to want to start shit with me
MrTurner1028 (9:38:46 AM): and it was a high for me
MrTurner1028 (9:42:00 AM): so you know
MrTurner1028 (9:42:18 AM): sorry for mentioning it
Now after reading this and know what I know about me I start to wonder......
.......If me a very shy, bipolar, extremely sensitive, nerdy, quiet, gentle, feminine straight guy with social developmental problems
can ever find love or at least someone willing to take the time and effort to see him for the sweetheart that he really is and whats to show them. I'm hopeful. But i wish there was more I do within my own caring, gentle persona.
I am not the man with high bravado and swagger. That will never be me. I'm just caring and a romantic... but will anybody look long enough to see that.
This i hope so.
3 1/2 years is too long to wait I've been watching for my chances. As some things bloom and grow I just wonder what about me. I know I can be as good a lover as any but the uncertaity that I will ever get a legitimate shot at intimacy. What I crave and disire. Ive been lonely. Emotionally empty too long. Theres the obvious answer on how to fix it but awkward rejection after rejection looms. I just need someone who is willing to spend a lil time with me cuddle, chill watch a game, play wii, to share a light peck on the lips or cheek with. I pray and no one ever comes but hopefull someday she will. Or I'll have to find her........
Or I may never find her.....
Total Comments 3
Comments
 |  I feel your pain. I have the same problems. I'm not macho or exciting, but I keep hoping that one day I will find someone like me. |
  |
| |  You should be careful shes not a fake. Ive never cybered, Im not opposed to it, but is seems a tad awkward to me. However, going out, getting drunk, and fucking a mystery alcoholic isn't any better, as lots of party people try to say it is. I don't know how old you are. My first real, initmate, long term relationship was when I was 24. That ended over 2 years ago. However, you shouldn't have busted out the conversation on your friend at 8 in the morning, and out of the blue. |
 |
| |  dulce (8:55:00 AM): Unless you see her she's prob lying... dulce (8:55:05 AM): And its not like she's getting off to YOU dulce (8:55:10 AM): Just your words This is true! MrTurner1028 (8:55:14 AM): yea dulce (8:55:15 AM): But hey..do u! MrTurner1028 (8:55:31 AM): now i feel bad MrTurner1028 (8:56:13 AM): -_- MrTurner1028 (8:56:50 AM): i mean what wuld you rather me do Why does what she said make you feel bad? dulce (8:57:10 AM): I always say the same thing about all that lpsg, cyber shit u do LOL She knows about your LPSG activities? Hmmm, not sure that was a wise move. I know she's your Best Friend Forever (BFF) but some things need to be kept a secret. MrTurner1028 (8:57:51 AM): i know its just the comp MrTurner1028 (8:57:56 AM): dont take its serious MrTurner1028 (8:58:09 AM): blah blah yea dulce (8:58:10 AM): Personally...it doesn't matter ..cuz either way I'm not involved in your sex life dulce (8:58:15 AM): I'm just saying...get out n meet ppl dulce (8:58:37 AM): Hey..I man..if that's how u need to get off then go right ahead Translation: I know you really like me but I will NEVER have sex with you. This internet stuff is far too freaky for me. MrTurner1028 (8:58:51 AM): thanks....... dulce (8:59:02 AM): Mean* MrTurner1028 (8:59:18 AM): i know youre trying to be protective of me dulce (8:59:37 AM): That's not it.. dulce (8:59:49 AM): Its just u complain about this n that n then resort to cybering dulce (9:00:07 AM): But I'm walking in MrTurner1028 (9:00:14 AM): complain about what dulce (9:00:14 AM): So ill ttyl She says goodbye at 9AM and you proceed to ramble on for 20 minutes. WTF? Or are there comments you edited out? I notice the time signatures hopscotch a bit. MrTurner1028 (9:03 AM): maybe i do need to get out and meet more people and socialize I know for a fact at least 20 people, including myself have told you this in chat. MrTurner1028 (9:24 AM): but thats not always as easy as it sounds I agree, it's not always that easy. But you live in a friggin' metropolis, not Podunk! You really have no excuse for not meeting more people male and female. MrTurner1028 (9:27 AM): im not resorting to anything MrTurner1028 (9:36 AM): shit just happens MrTurner1028 (9:50 AM): ive never really done it MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): i share it with you MrTurner1028 (9:03:52 AM): and then you go and crush my mood. Dude, for the 3rd time, not everything you think and do needs to be shared with your BFF or anyone else! Actually, and I may be jaded but the fact you still use the phrase BFF may mean you are not ready for an intimate relationship. MrTurner1028 (9:03:57 AM): its not just you MrTurner1028 (9:04:06 AM): but its a cycle MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): you dont know my motives charlynn MrTurner1028 (9:39 AM): and i think you misunderstand my motives and my feeling MrTurner1028 (9:15 AM): i confide in you a lot of what im feeling MrTurner1028 (9:29 AM): what do you expect me to be MrTurner1028 (9:33 AM): seriously MrTurner1028 (9:45 AM): what do you want me to be? MrTurner1028 (9:58 AM): what would youu rather me do MrTurner1028 (9:05 AM): cuz you clearly have a problem MrTurner1028 (9:16:58 AM): with the stuff i do MrTurner1028 (9:49 AM): im trying to do the best i can MrTurner1028 (9:16:04 AM): and it seems like everything i do is wrong dulce (9:50 AM): I don't have a problem with what u do.. dulce(9:09 AM): But I do have a problem when u come to me expecting me to be happy for you about some shit like that dulce (9:19 AM): But bbl She makes an excellent point! It's not like you said, "Hey Charlynn, I got that Fulbright Scolarship I appled for, or I won a 2008 Mustang from that raffle ticket I bought at Seaside Heights 2 weeks ago." Why should she be happy that you stroked your dick on the computer to some girl 16 houurs away? That's just stupid.  MrTurner1028 (9:10 AM): sorry for even mentioning it then MrTurner1028 (9:36:12 AM): i didnt know you were gonna react that way MrTurner1028 (9:36:47 AM): my first time tellin someone i did anything like this MrTurner1028 (9:36:52 AM): and i dunno MrTurner1028 (9:37:00 AM): im sorry charlynn MrTurner1028 (9:37:11 AM): i really feel terrible Oh please! Enough with the pity party, it's not the end of the world. It's just not the type of thing which needs to be bragged about!  MrTurner1028 (9:37:18 AM): but dont worry about it MrTurner1028 (9:37:36 AM): you know i mean it in a positive way MrTurner1028 (9:38:33 AM): plus people see to want to start shit with me MrTurner1028 (9:38:46 AM): and it was a high for me MrTurner1028 (9:42:00 AM): so you know MrTurner1028 (9:42:18 AM): sorry for mentioning it Now after reading this and know what I know about me I start to wonder...... .......If me a very shy, bipolar, extremely sensitive, nerdy, quiet, gentle, feminine straight guy with social developmental problems can ever find love or at least someone willing to take the time and effort to see him for the sweetheart that he really is and whats to show them. I'm hopeful. But i wish there was more I do within my own caring, gentle persona. I am not the man with high bravado and swagger. That will never be me. I'm just caring and a romantic... but will anybody look long enough to see that. This i hope so. Quote:
3 1/2 years is too long to wait I've been watching for my chances.
Oh for God's sake you're 19 qwitcherbitchin!  You think 3.5 years is too long to wait, talk to me 20 years later when you still haven't found the one and maybe I'll have some sympathy.  As some things bloom and grow I just wonder what about me. I know I can be as good a lover as any but the uncertaity that I will ever get a legitimate shot at intimacy. What I crave and disire. Ive been lonely. Emotionally empty too long. Theres the obvious answer on how to fix it but awkward rejection after rejection looms. I just need someone who is willing to spend a lil time with me cuddle, chill watch a game, play wii, to share a light peck on the lips or cheek with. Quote: I pray and no one ever comes but hopefull someday she will. Or I'll have to find her........Or I may never find her..... Sitting in your house praying is not going to send Miss Right to your door. God may be omnipotent but he isn't a magician. You have to meet him half way. Haven't you ever heard it said that, God helps those who help themselves. You mentioned being in therapy a while back. You need to continue with that, and by all means mention your fears of never finding a real relationship to your therapist. I'm sure he or she will be able to give you affirmations to improve your confidence and ideas to get you out of the house more. |
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Recent Blog Entries by Smooth88
- One life to live: The psuedo poem (09-28-2008)
- Is it Possible (07-22-2008)
- It must be nice: Being lonely (04-25-2008)
- Poem: I love you enough (04-23-2008)
