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Heartbreak that shouldn't be?

Posted 05-21-2008 at 04:39 AM by bguy

I have a profile on Yahoo Personals and I contacted a girl that lived in my city. She had a cute photo of just her face and said she was looking for someone "sensitive, honest, thoughtful and caring," which is what I consider myself to be. She wrote back within a half-hour and then we proceeded to have an e-mail discussion for the rest of that day and into the next two. She would even apologize if more than a few hours went by without a response from her.

I thought she was really funny and also very caring and talented, so I offered to take her out for ice cream on Sunday afternoon. She agreed and I gave her my number in case she needed to reach me when I wasn't online. We met at Baskin Robbins. I bought her some sorbet and we just sat and talked for about an hour. I thought she was even better looking than her photo and she had many interests I shared and opinions I agreed with. I had to go to a BBQ, so I ended our visit, said I had a nice time and hoped we could do it again. She joked that maybe we should meet in the supermarket freezer section (weather has been really hot).

After I got back from the BBQ that evening, I had a message from her that read:

Hey, Just wanted to say thank you for the icecream...er...sorbet. I had a nice time this afternoon, so thank you for that. Hope the rest of your day is good!

I followed up by writing to ask "What are the odds I can take you out to see 'Indiana Jones and the overly long title that they don't like to say in the marketing'?" since we had both discussed how much we were looking forward to the movie.

Then I got the heartbreaker:

I know you're going to hate what I'm about to say, but I feel a more brotherly connection to you rather than a romantic one. I'm really sorry, I think you're a sweetheart, but I just don't feel that spark. I don't want to waste anymore of your time. I just wanted to say thank you for the lovely sorbet date and I really hope you find someone special. :)

I really appreciate that she was honest with me and didn't leave me hanging with no response or reason. But it did hurt like hell. She was the first person I had gone out with that seemed to have it all: a beautiful, caring geek. And the fact that I was not attractive to her in a romantic way really made me feel like crap. That I will forever be resigned to being the nice, sweet guy that women aren't attracted to.

It doesn't seem to make any sense to feel this way about someone I had a single date with. I hate it.

Comments 11

Total Comments 11

Comments

	I don't understand how she could make that decision so quickly - I've definitely developed romantic connections with guys I had a brotherly connection with at first. Is she just blowing you off for good now? Not even being friends and hanging out? It's not a waste of time if you have a good time together.
	Posted 05-21-2008 at 10:36 AM by super_crayon

	I left out that she ended the message with "Best wishes," which only further underscores the reality that we won't be seeing each other again. Here's what I wrote in response: You're right, I did hate it (you can add mind-reading to your list of talents!) But I also really appreciate your honesty. You're a rarity and deserve the best. I don't expect to hear back from her.
	Posted 05-21-2008 at 11:39 AM by bguy

Yeah, I think that you were hoping that she would like you as much as you did her. But you never know what is right for her. And maybe she wanted someone different. People are like that.

You shouldn't feel too bad. (But I know you do...we all do feel that way in your situation.)

That says a lot about her than you. Heartbreaks are disappointing. But every person wants a special person (THE special person) and they have a right to it. And you do too.

Every rejection is a step closer towards the right fit individual for you.

Posted 05-21-2008 at 01:20 PM by invisibleman invisibleman is offline

	Did you tell her that you are a virgin? Maybe that was just too much info for her. I told the guy I was with and I think if I had it to do all over again I would just have sex and not mention being a virgin.
	Posted 05-21-2008 at 03:36 PM by Audre'sAunt

	LOL, no I did not tell her I was a virgin! It was a very casual date in a public place. There are only two people I've told that to IRL.
	Posted 05-21-2008 at 04:53 PM by bguy

	Meh, shit happens. There's no accounting for taste when it comes to love. At least you found out before you fell too hard. I have to admire her balls to just come right out and say it. She was polite and altogether classy in her action. On to the next one!
	Posted 05-21-2008 at 05:39 PM by jason_els

	You must let her know you lust after her. Look lustily into her eyes and gently place her hand on that fat long turgid dick your packing while she's licking her ice cream and she will understand that you are not interested in a brother/sister relationship! If you have a confidence crisis, consider that you are blessed with a big pussy pleaser. Women love to ride and cum on thick 8 inchers.
	Posted 08-17-2008 at 08:44 AM by joejack

Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Yeah, that's got to hurt. But given that she felt that way about you, I would say that you were damned lucky in the circumstances that she acted as she did. I think that most women in such circumstances will either string a guy along with mixed messages for as long as possible (once she sees that you are a "nice guy" and not sexually aggressive) or just make lame excuses for not making a date and then stop replying to your messages. Feeble consolation, I know.

Posted 08-19-2008 at 07:55 PM by Calboner Calboner is offline

There's only been ONE time where this has happened to me.... and it was very recent. The guy and I seemed to hit it off, we met through a mutual friend. We went for a walk on some hike & bike trails, and had some interesting conversations, but he seemed to be always "half-interested" in what I said, and constantly had an opinion that differed from mine, which he sort of tried to 'end' each topic with.

I think what made me laugh the most:

We were talking about dogs. I grew up on a farm in the midwest. We lived on a road that brought cars by... maybe one or two every couple of minutes. We always had Old English Sheepdogs. All 3 of them died because they were hit by cars. When one died, we would get another one.

What I told him I found fascinating about them, was that when our family was outside in the yard, each one of our dogs would chase the cars traveling by. These are big herding dogs, so when a car would go by, I assume they thought they were chasing it away to protect us... just like they were protecting a herd of sheep or cattle. When we were not outside, not one of them was the slightest bit interested in chasing cars.

Light. Simple. Off-topic. That's what I was going for.

He looked at me and said, "I know all about dogs. I've raised them since I was a kid. I think I know a thing or two about dog psychology. Clearly it was a learned behavior.... and he learned it from your family."

Okay... I was hoping that bringing up something as simple as DOG behavior would get him to lay off his opinions and relax a bit... but obviously, it didn't.

I'm a jerk magnet, and you're a sister magnet. LOL. What a pair.

Posted 09-04-2008 at 06:21 PM by sweetpetite sweetpetite is offline

	I'll have to agree with Jason when he said "Meh no accounting for taste when it comes to love." She didn't string you along and you will eventually find someone who will want you, the way you want to be with them. I have no idea what joejack is thinking with that advice! A joke maybe? I hope........ cigarbabe
	Posted 09-11-2008 at 12:27 PM by cigarbabe

	Posted comment in the wrong place!
	Posted 10-24-2008 at 01:02 PM by Runco Updated 10-24-2008 at 02:54 PM by Runco

Recent Blog Entries by bguy

Halloween date was great, now she's finished...? (11-06-2008)
Fifth date (dinner at my place) went well (11-04-2008)
Words of affirmation (10-29-2008)
The cycle continues (10-24-2008)
Fourth date as confounding as ever (10-23-2008)

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