I felt the section you posted on 6/3/07 was by far the best because it seemed to rely less heavily on dialogue, dialogue is very hard to handle and tends to sound unrealistic within the structure of a story, my feelings are it should be kept to an absolute minimum. I also felt that the end was a bit rushed, you could have dwelt perhaps on the self doubts his comeuppance might have engendered. PLUS why weren't they man eating dolphins who chewed his knob off.
It's fairly obvious that you wrote this over a period of time because there are differences in feeling between the sections, I appreciate that you take constructive criticism well so what about writing your piece, then leaving it to ferment for a little while, then before posting it going over it quickly amending it so it has a more coherent feel?