"Open" Relationships!!!!!!!

My boyfriend and I have been together and have lived together since I was TWENTY. I'm 47. You do the math on how long we've been together. Our relationship has gone through many changes over the years. When we were younger it was complete monogamy. But as the years have gone and and we developed our love and TRUST we began making adjustments. At first we decided that from time to time it would be OK if we "stepped out" solo from time to time on a don't ask don't tell basis. We would have sex with other guys.


But as our trust in each other and our relationship developed, we decided the Don't ask don't tell wasn't working for us. I think "secrets" can be the ultimate downfall of any relationship. So we "altered" our "rules". Now if one of us is going to have sex outside of our relationship, we tell each other about it BEFORE hand if at all possible. Afterward we share details about what went on and actually can get pretty hot sharing our sexual adventures. As of late, we've taken another step. We now, from time to time, will invite another man into our bed for BOTH of us to share. Each of us can "veto" someone for a 3 some if we're not "feeling it". We've been having fun, we trust each other implicitly, and our relationship has never been better. Our relationship feels perfectly normal to us.

I was wondering if any other LPSG'ers have similar "open relationships". Do you have any "rules"? How does your relationship work? How is it going for you?

I look forward to your replies

( a side note. He isn't a member here, but we often read LPSG together, except my Pm's are my Pm's and he understands that. He takes all my pics and enjoys reading the comments as much as I do)

Sounds healthier to me than couples who try to restrict one another unnaturally and possessively.

Sounds fun. ............ JUST PLAY SAFE!!!!!!!!

Hi!

I'm in an open relation.

We've been together for 9 years.

Our rules: same as your first: don't ask, don't tell. It's been working for the first couple of dates... Accept.. on my last date I realised I was falling in love...
Our relation wasn't the relation I tought it was...

So.. now i'm searching for a place of my own...

It CAN work... but you need be sure your relation can handle it!!!

Love, JM

I should clarify........we don't go on dates when we're alone.......we have sex.....Dates for us are a whole different can of worms and they often come with emotional attachments.....

I have some friends who are in an open relationship and they work by the same rules. They are honest about wanting to sleep with other people and don't hold back about being honest.

For me personally, I am not in an open relationship and I don't have an interest in exploring this. I "allow" (for want of a better word) my husband to look at as much porn as he wants, he can cam with other guys as much as he wants and I am very cool with his online exploits with his friends etc. We draw a line at having "real" sexual contact with others due in part to the health side of it and also due to the fact that we are both very frank and honest about sex - so if I want to get tied up and pee'd on (which I dont) for example, I would say I was curious and we would explore the path together.

I can see the argument for having an open relationship, but I would die a little inside every time I knew my man was with someone else. We have a rule that if either of us ever does want to "stray" that we will talk things through and work stuff out. I also really enjoy the perks of being in a devoted relationship (such as the unprotected sex, no holds barred fucking and the lack of "sexual politics" involved).

I am also very much a one man guy. I may enjoy having some online fun from time to time but nothing beats that feeling of being in my guys arms and knowing that I am totally his and he is totally mine - how fucking sappy!

I agree......but nothing we do preludes me from having that feeling when i lay in my guys arms.......I know I am his and he knows he is mine.

With dates I men sex dates... Except for the last one... We've started to talk and one thing lead to another...

Yeah and i think all relationships are based on the same factor. No matter if your in a "closed" or "open" relationship you still cherish your other half. It's a credit to you and your partner that you're still going strong :)

BTW...my BF is the one blowing me in my gallery.......

For Industrial, if it works for you that is great. I am not in as long a relationship as yours, not nearly as long actually (4-5 years now). Maybe it's my own insecurities or whatever, I really don't know. I can't say I'd be comfortable at all in an open relationship. Even if he tells me about it beforehand, I don't want to be home thinking he may stumble onto the one that "does him" better than I do, on both a sexual level and I guess emotional. I agree that sex is usually just sex, but I do believe that you or he may stumble onto someone that "rocks that boat" just a touch better.

The newness of anyone else I cannot be for him. I've told him this many times. We have explored every square inch of one another; I doubt I'm going to suddenly feel new or him the same with me. But I do feel that emotionally, our relationship is at a deeper level so each time we have sex, it's deeper and more meaningful sex than simply getting my rocks off or him his.

I prefer monogamy. I think open relationships eventually (for the most part) are doomed to fail. I certainly do not wish that on you or anyone else, but I think once a third door is opened now and then, even with the others full knowledge, trouble isn't too far behind. You may be the exception to the rule and I hope you are.

The ONLY thing I may consider would be us having a 3rd into our bed together. But I think I'd find that hard also. I don't want to see another fucking him, even in a "just sex" sense. I'm not overly possessive of him at all, but this would simply put hurt me. Especially if he was enjoying it and moaning or something more than he does with me.

As I said, probably my own insecurities, but I definitely prefer being a one man guy.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply......I can only say thAT sex with my BF is deeper and not just about getting my rocks off. I think the key for us is trust and total security in our relationsip together. And i know for us, part of the "thrill" of having a third in bed with us is watching my BF get fucked and helping him get off by attending to his nipples etc......He aso enjoys watching another guy go down on my big cock while we make out or he tweaks my nips or eats my ass......funnier is he'll often give direction to the guy blowing me because he knows his way around my cock the best. Jusst to clarify, our main sexual interaction is with each other, about 2-3 times a week. And I don't care ir you are gay or straight, that's pretty good after 27 years of having sex together. Our solo excursions and 3 somes are ocasional diversions, the appetizer that leads to the main course. My bf also really gets into photographing me for posting pictures here..........how do I say it....Photo sessions ALWAYS end in a big sticky mess.........He'll say to me,"I have some new ideas for new pictures, why don't you let me take some, and we're off and running!

Fuck off.

If an open relationship works for a couple, that's fine. If it doesn't, that's fine too. There's nothing unnatural about being possessive in a relationship; that's part of what makes relationships matter.

I'm very possesive of the love my BF(actually he's my husband, we're legally married in Massachusetts) shows me...

I could never do it, it's just not who I am.

The only couples I know where an open relationship works are gay men. Maybe it's because men are more likely to have sex without love entering into it? I honestly don't know. I've watched the boards and I have yet to see a married woman in an open relationship post that everything was honkie dorrie. It always damages a hetero relationship.

See, this is what I mean. There is something about the heterosexual union which makes allegedly "open" relationships not work. I have said it before and I will say it again. "Good Sex is very important in any committed relationship." Anybody that tells you otherwise is lying. If your mate is perfect for you everywhere, except in bed you may as well get a divorce right now.


I somewhat agree. I think that exclusivity and posessiveness aren't so much what make a relationship matter; but they are what make a monogamous relationship work. What is the point in getting married if you aren't going to stop fucking other people? That's kind of what that little piece of paper represents. Standard wedding vows state, that both parties must, "forsake all others" until death do you part.

In some states gays are only allowed a commitment ceremony and not an official marriage. I find it interesting that the word commitment is used. To me that means 2 people don't want to be with anyone else, only each other.

I'm not trying to demean or marginalize Industrialsize's relationship with his hubby. Indy is one of my fave people here; but the whole open relationship thing is anathema to me.