How to turn straight in 4 easy steps!

1. Wake up. Rub out your morning wood if you have to, but do it alone. Straight guys don't need help jacking off.

2. Go to the bathroom. You can either shower, brush your teeth, or comb your hair but you can't do all three. Straight guys just don't have time for all that bullshit, there are pussies that need tending to!

3. Grab your phone. Send your friends a final gay text cuz after this, phones are to be used for emergency purposes only, NOT for asking Gabby, Mark, Terrell, Tasha, Lauren, and Trevor 'wat u doin.' Next, dial your most recent man-crush. They one you're not sure about that keeps sending you signals that make you wonder. The one who wears those Calvin Kleins that make his bulge....nevermind. If he doesn't answer, even better, you get one last temper tantrum. Throw the phone against the wall, stomp over to the computer and sign on to yahoo. Send him 3 buzzes and wait. If he doesn't respond in the time it takes you to flip your hair and sigh with frustration, grab your phone and send him a text to call you RIGHT AWAY.

4. Wait an agonizing, life-threatening, 3 minutes for him to call. After you've exchanged formalities, pleasantries, and passed the obligatory awkward silence, say "You know I'm straight right?"

Just kidding, have fun, BE YOURSELF.

:) cute thread.

number 2 made me laugh because i usually spend forever in the bathroom getting ready. face cream, full body wash, teeth, mouthwash, deodorant, etc.

You should have included, stop looking at men's pics on LPSG.

Also, don't make your bed. Wear the same shirt twice, and the same pants at least 3 times. lol.

LOL u guys are hilarious. Thanks for not taking this seriously, I meant to put it in the humor section.

What else?? Gotta delete all the Kylie Minogue, Madonna, and Missy Elliot from your IPOD and download Lil Wayne and Gym Class Heroes??

Haha.. I do that a lot. I never make my bed either.

NICE gave me a laugh for the day. THANKS!!!

i guess i'll add some.

1) Don't roll your eyes at desperate people like Carmen Electra. you're straight now. she's supposed to be hot.

2) is your room clean and does it smell nice? FIX IT. be messy. you will know when to stop when you can't identify the smell coming from your room.

3) Reruns of Sex and the City? NO. watch Entourage instead. it'll teach you about straight culture.

4) you shall no longer refer to yourself as "fabulous". you are now "awesome".

5) got a fag hag? have sex with her.

6) like to sing showtunes? NO YOU DON'T. you now like to rap. deal with it.

7) you must now quote movies obnoxiously. see: "Borat", "The 40 Year Old Virgin", and "Fight Club" for reference.

I think there are guys on here that want to turn me gay.

Holy HELL this thread would piss me off if it wasn't a joke.

Straight guys are allowed to be neat too!

Hey even some straight guys don't have it down. I hate football, and I love cats! Among straight guys thats almost as gay as getting fucked in the butt! It sucks for me, but hey....I like cats, wtf is wrong with that? So yea, stop liking cats, and memorize the names of every player on the dallas football team. I know that sounds kinda gay, knowing so many guys names and idolizing them, but apparently thats actually a very straight thing to do lol.

I hate that Cher hasn't been mentioned in this thread! What's the gay world coming to!!!

Damn this is funny as hell.

We can tell you are neat and organized from your photos. You put one ball in each side of your scrotum, and your pubic hair looks like it's been styled.