Fuck Buddies = Minefield?

I've yet to be able to navigate the whole "fuck buddy" thing. The odd thing is that ALL of my good friends started out as anonymous, One night stands. But then we realized we had a lot in common, enjoyed each other's company, and friendships were born and sex slipped by the wayside. For me, sex with my friends would feel strange........but if you want to,OCMuscleJock, I'd be delighted to be your FB.

[quote=HazelGod;1591854]

SLB, what you describe isn't a fuckbuddy...it's a selfish cunt who occasionally likes you to fuck her.
/quote]

Roughly put but truth. You are being used dude. If she won't even take your phone calls, she may be involved with someone else or is just using you. Since you want more, tell her you want a relationship she cannot give. To quote Madea, "Move on!"

P,

Run and dont look back. YOu deserve so much more. Being lonely isnt the worst thing in the world. You arent a living breathing dildo. Remember that.

Awww man, when I was 17, I wanted to apply for that job. There goes my fondest teen dreams.

You're being used.

Drop her.

Once you tell her no, then you have the power. Right now she knows you want more and is using that to her advantage.

Tell her no and see how quickly she changes her tune.

In fact, I'd tell her no and if she whines or bitches about it, tell her that you want to go out on a date first THEN have sex. Only after the date, tell her you have to go home and do your hair and leave her wanting more.

Same here. My true friends have been my family. A true friend is priceless, and I wouldn't want to lose one over an orgasm. If a bud wants to show me affection, put your arm around my shoulder, give me a long lasting bear hug. That does more for my spirit than any orgasm ever could.

Hmmm... with the exception of my blood family, if I wanted to have consensual sex with one of my created family or friends, then there's no way an orgasm would be a negative to us. In all of the cases that this has happened, it's been a great part of the relationship. It might shift and change the dynamics, but don't ALL relationships do that when any powerful forces enter it?

I guess I don't think of sex as a bad thing or something that will ruin a relationship. At the least, it should be a great way to play and get to know someone, and explore your own sensual nature. And how much better with someone you like and trust.

BTW, I love the term Friend with Benefits. Gonna use that alot now!

Yep. And it sucks.... I was born in the wrong time period.

Some friends get caught up in the heat of the moment, and they already love you. If they regret having had sex with you, it can cost you the friendship. That is the reason why many of us don't do it. My family has been the pits my life. I'm not going to risk messing up a friendship.

I had a fuck buddy for the first time last fall. It was problematic but VERY rewarding while it lasted.

She was an old acquaintance from high school. We'd been, I guess, "friends," but only in the sense that we often hung out in the same group because we had some mutual friends we were both close with. I actually found her VERY annoying and hated being around her most of the time. We struck up more of a friendship when she went off to college and we actually became pen pals for a while. Then she eventually annoyed the piss out of me again and I broke contact and we barely saw each other or spoke for years. Last summer she randomly contacted a few of us and we made plans to hang out, and she looked really great when I saw her. I was hard and staring down her shirt through most of the time we were hanging out. A perennially (and BITTERLY) single friend of mine was angry because she's the type who thinks NOBODY should be getting attention or sex if she isn't, and I had to hide my attraction because I didn't wanna deal with the friend's bitching. That in itself made a whole EXTRA angle of difficulty.

In moments the bitch was away, I was hitting on the girl extra hard. Once during last a terrible heatwave late last August, a group of us were at a nightclub where the AC broke. The girl and I both wear glasses, and it was so bad in the club that our lenses were steaming up just from sitting at the table and drinking, so we excused ourselves and went outside for a while just to be able to see again. We sat on some stairs, me one step above her, and I unabashedly stared down her low-cut blouse and asked questions about her boobs. She told me she was a DD and I didn't believe her because I'm very good at guessing bra sizes. She swore it was true and I reached over, pulled her blouse open, and looked inside; she didn't stop me. I still didn't believe her, and without looking over, she said in a completely businesslike manner, "Eh. Maybe I'll show you sometime."

Responding in kind and also looking ahead, I very professionally said, "We need to have sex."

She said, "...What?"

I said, "We need to have sex."

She said, "....No." Pause. "No." Pause. "I dunno. Maybe."

I looked squarely at her, flashed a huge smirk, and said, "Yeah. Yeah, we should. You need to be fucked."

I could tell I was really getting to her, but she continued not looking at me and shrugged. "Eh. We'll see."

Well, a lot of dirty IMing happened in the following days, and the next week the bitch and I ended up hanging at the girl's house after a night of drinking, and the bitch had picked up on the intense vibe between us and was actually refusing to leave us alone together. She wouldn't say it, but she never left us alone in any room that entire night, and never once went to the bathroom in all the hours we were together--and this girl has a bladder the size of a gnat and pees CONSTANTLY, so she was making a very painful sacrifice to keep us from hooking up, which was so stupid and petty. It got to be like four in the morning and we were ALL yawning and exhausted but the girl wouldn't kick us out and I wouldn't suggest leaving because we wanted the bitch to give up and go. We finally realized she wouldn't, and she kept saying that she needed to follow me out to the main road because she would get lost (which was a total lie), so I finally got in the car and led her out, then ditched her, turned around, and drove back. It was 5am and we fucking ATTACKED each other.

For several weeks, we got together whenever possible and had the fucking hottest sex. I'm talking deeply, intensely, excruciatingly powerful orgasms. It was criminally good. I got attached very quickly, though, and about a week in I was asking her on dates. She immediately shut me down, reminding me that she was serious when we agreed that there wasn't time and it wasn't practical because we're not a match. I, a little hurt, said I understood, and took the steps to mentally compartmentalize sex, which is a wonderful ability to have, I've learned. The interesting thing was that over time SHE became attached and began wanting more from me, and by that time I'd gotten over the whole thing and viewed it very much as just a physical arrangement, and was in fact openly pursuing other girls (and encouraging her to look for a guy who was a good fit). Even though the sex was amazing, in spending time with her I'd been reminded just HOW different and wrong we were for anything else, and I was NOT having the idea of getting into some ill-fitting romance.

She started getting weird and flaking out. She'd call for an appointment and then cancel minutes before. After weeks of this, I finally said if she backed out one more time she could forget it, and she came back with this crap about how she was having a hard time with the idea of having sex with someone when she wasn't involved with them. My answer was, "Tough. You laid out the ground rules--this is what YOU wanted. I tried to change that and you weren't havin it. I'm following YOUR request, and I'm not interested in anything else." So she threatened to break it off, and I think she believed she was calling my bluff. I didn't cave, and it ended. A few months later she came back, wanting to get physical again, and I said okay, if it wasn't gonna get like last time again. She said okay, then made an appointment, then canned it again at the last minute and cited the same damn issue. I went off on her and said that one of the worst offenses someone can give me is wasting my time, and that's what she'd done, and for that she'd just lost me as a friend. I blocked her screen name, deleted her number, and since we don't run in the same circles I don't have to worry about seeing her.

We have not spoken since, and I have nothing left to say to her. The bitch (whom I've since cut off for completely different and justified reasons) saw her a few months ago and said she looks like hell and has gained 50 pounds and seems miserable. Oh well. Shame she had to get weird and ruin a good thing, but I'll always have the memories of the KILLER sex we had, and I still get off REALLY hard thinking about it. Re: the dissolution of the friendship, I don't feel I lost anything at all because she was frequently annoying, had a TON of issues, was very boring, wasn't particularly nice, and we had NOTHING in common. Our renewed friendship wouldn't have lasted very long if we hadn't had the sex, ironically enough. We wouldn't have kept finding reasons to be around each other except that we were testing the water. She's not someone I miss having in my life in any way.

I don't regret anything that happened, not one bit, and I think it was good life/sexual experience. I'd recommend that sort of relationship to anyone IF they're mature enough to be able to handle it without becoming too attached or getting jealous when the person pursues others. Clearly, not everybody's wired for that sort of involvement.

I identify mostly, but not all, with Industrialsize. It seems that we have sex first, become friends, and then sometimes it turns into more. But anything developing long term out of it seems like the exception.

The older I get the more I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.
There's a part of me that wants to jump the bones of the like of OC (to stick with IS's example ) but another part of me that feels the need for some kind of *meaningful* connection first.

It has been a long time since I had that instant, "fuck at first site" connection. Since I quit all substance use 20 years ago, there has been only 1 person that I was so very much attracted to that I would have fucked the second I met them. Without the lowered inhibitions, it just doesn't happen. So, it just must not be the real me.

Hello SLB!!! (You handsome scalliwag you!)

I believe that FBs work best when...

a) You already have a relationship to fulfill your emotional needs (just so long as your primary relationship is OK with the scene)

b) There are SEVERAL FWBs because there's safety in numbers.

So, until some fabulous femme sees that there's something beyond your big cock, , my advice is to get SEVERAL fuck buddies, and eventually you'll find a princess worthy of your poetry.

Thread closed at the request of the OP.