I smeared myself!

capslock · 07-03-2008

Its terrible!! I was rushing to the bathroom... after a binge of eating cheese with wine and crackers, I felt this pressure built up that could not be relieved with farting alone. And man, those farts wee these burning sulfur bombs.. thick, turdsy farts.

SO I rush in and bnd to sit down on the bowl. that action must have squeezed an already impatient turd out of my ass, because I ended up sitting down on the bowl with half a shit sticking out of my ass. The poor thing ends up being decapitated by the edge of the bowl, with its "head" becoming smeared up my crack unbeknown to me. I proceed to defecate an ensemble cast of turds. It was this thick pasty stuff...rally rank. The stuff was so thick that even farts had trouble sneaking out.

I start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo. I get up to find the back of the bowl seat painted with shit like a skitso kid's fingerpainting. I mean, who really needs to finish a problematic shit with a mess like this?

625girth · 07-03-2008

TMI. keep this too yourself.

ManlyBanisters · 07-03-2008

Myeh... shit happens.

dong20 · 07-03-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by capslock

Its terrible!! I was rushing to the bathroom... after a binge of eating cheese with wine and crackers, I felt this pressure built up that could not be relieved with farting alone. And man, those farts wee these burning sulfur bombs.. thick, turdsy farts.

SO I rush in and bnd to sit down on the bowl. that action must have squeezed an already impatient turd out of my ass, because I ended up sitting down on the bowl with half a shit sticking out of my ass. The poor thing ends up being decapitated by the edge of the bowl, with its "head" becoming smeared up my crack unbeknown to me. I proceed to defecate an ensemble cast of turds. It was this thick pasty stuff...rally rank. The stuff was so thick that even farts had trouble sneaking out.

I start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo. I get up to find the back of the bowl seat painted with shit like a skitso kid's fingerpainting. I mean, who really needs to finish a problematic shit with a mess like this?

... So you're no longer full of crap, having divested yourself of it here, lovely. Perhaps you should change your name to crapslock?

cockoloco · 07-03-2008

Quote:

start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo. I get up to find the back of the bowl seat painted with shit like a skitso kid's fingerpainting. I mean, who really needs to finish a problematic shit with a mess like this?

ewwwwwwwwww, but the best part nonetheless.....

Ed69 · 07-03-2008

My question is,why did the boy feel the need to share this?

killerb · 07-03-2008

rec3000 · 07-03-2008

The toilet paper breaks now and then. No wonder fecal matter covers everything from doorknobs to Big Macs.

Dirty Videophile · 07-03-2008

I'm sorry I read this topic (I was about to eat breakfast.)

BUT since I did, maybe you need to take a few packs of handi-wipes around in your pocket.

visualalert · 07-03-2008

For more like this (some of which is very funny) check out The Intellectual Appreciation of Poop Humor | PoopReport.com.

Fed Agent · 07-03-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by capslock

I start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo.

Probably the only piece of ASS the poor sick bastard ever gets!! ROTFLOL

SotonDaddy · 07-03-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by capslock

Its terrible!! I was rushing to the bathroom... after a binge of eating cheese with wine and crackers, I felt this pressure built up that could not be relieved with farting alone. And man, those farts wee these burning sulfur bombs.. thick, turdsy farts.

SO I rush in and bnd to sit down on the bowl. that action must have squeezed an already impatient turd out of my ass, because I ended up sitting down on the bowl with half a shit sticking out of my ass. The poor thing ends up being decapitated by the edge of the bowl, with its "head" becoming smeared up my crack unbeknown to me. I proceed to defecate an ensemble cast of turds. It was this thick pasty stuff...rally rank. The stuff was so thick that even farts had trouble sneaking out.

I start to wipe my ass and I feel through the toilet paper my fingers sinking into this warm goo. I get up to find the back of the bowl seat painted with shit like a skitso kid's fingerpainting. I mean, who really needs to finish a problematic shit with a mess like this?

And we need to know this, why???

I'm sure there are plenty of scat websites out there for you to share your experiences...

reecho · 07-03-2008

There's only so much horror I can take.

...but hey, Flash Ultimate Spray works miracles. After cleaning the bog, you may need to dose your ass with it as well ;)

capslock · 07-03-2008

Let me tell you something: I'm the victim here.. innocently taking a post-cheese-eating shit, not expecting to be painting the bowl seat with a decapitated turd.

rec3000 · 07-03-2008

Ugh. Enough with the overzealous bowel movement.

~Makes note: never use capslock's keyboard~

Happy place Happy place Happy place