Gay? straight?

Wow stormy you seem to be getting alot of advice and taking time to respond to all of it. I'm glad to see this discussed.

Hey Stormy,

It seems to me that your friend is feeling you out, the same way that you are feeling him out... he sounds bi-curious to me, I don't think it's a bait and switch game... he sounds like he's dropping hints for you to come out to him because he wants to come out to you.

I have an LPSG inspired idea for a safe route forward...

Why don't you find some on-line porn (str8-ish porn of course), something where the guy has an enormous dick and he's plowing some tiny little hot chick, and then ask your friend to check it out, focus on how amazed you were to see a dick that big. Even Str8 guys are mostly all blown away by seeing an enormous dick... this kind of conversation can go anywhere and even if it goes no where, your secret is still safe.

This can be an easy on-ramp into you guys watching more porn together, jerking-off together, comparing cocks, or just talking about sexual topics... and it doesn't take any acting skill (just be sure that the guy in the porn video is really huge, and your friend, even if he's totally str8 will never question why you showed it to him because big dicks are just an interesting topic for guys).

Finding a video on-line is better than starting with a DVD you own, because it will seem like you just stumbled onto the video, instead of having purchased it.

Extra timing thought...

You could be in your briefs, in your room, when you call him to check this video out with you. He could also be coming out of the shower when you shout "you've gotta see this!" You said he's often in his briefs, so that's just as good as him coming out of the shower. In other words, if you can time this so that the two of you are wearing less clothes--but it doesn't seem staged--then you might maximize the opportunity for his self-discovery (no guarantee, but maybe).

Almost sounds to me like he is the one trying to find out for sure if YOU are gay or not.[/quote]



Thought of d same thing..

No guys ever have a coversation with their parents where they sit down and announce they are straight. There is no reason why you should feel you have to announce you are gay. Maybe there will be a time to do this. Maybe not. Maybe everyone will be happiest if this is not said, even if people guess. Given the background you describe it could cause upset to put it into words.

How about just spending time with your friend? Sounds as if you both need to get some of your inhibitions put aside. A couple of 19 year old guys should be able to talk in pretty explicit terms about sex, wanking and more sex. Just talk and see what happens.

No matter what you do, this one really is a major gamble. You've got to live with this guy for at least the rest of the semester if your in College or in a dorm situation. If you're not and just sharing rent it can get into a lot of financial situations involving him not coming up with his share of the rent or other problems.

Remember that the "gf" could be the one setting you up to get you "out-of-the-way" especially if she senses you as a threat in any manner. Also if he is trying to deal with orientation issues and she senses it, she will be more venomous than you can begin to imagine and will blame you for "converting" her precious "bf".

I personally at this time would just place a little emotional distance between you and this fellow. He may be a great guy, but lust and practicality as you may find out have not historically had a good relationship with each other.

At this point in time if you want to play this out, place him in the position of outing himself rather than you doing it to yourself. Discuss some friend imaginary or real that is gay and refer to that person in very positive terms. Do not use any sexual terms in reference to this person, only reference to things such as intelligence and respect for the person. Take it very slow and give him time to become comfortable with you over the same issue in that if HE comes out to you, that YOU will not react in a negative manner. Don't overdo it, just be subtle and take your time.

Remember that "cat and mouse" only works well if you are the cat rather than the mouse. Be in the position of control if and when anything happens and then the only bruises to an ego can be his if he makes the error, If he is at a stage of exploring and really has sexual feelings for you he will in time (his own schedule not yours) come out at least partially to you.

If he feels comfortable totally, you may become the confidant and learn the whole thing giving you all the options. Doing this will take great patience and self control but, patience in a situation like this pays.

There is also one other thing. If you are looking at this as simply a sexual conquest then I wouldn't waste the time. If you think of this as "relationship material" then the old saying: "Good things are worth waiting for...." definitely applies.

Good Luck, and be careful on this one.

Stormy: I say you should do what 8strong8long, it's a very normal scenario that requires no acting and at least everybody has done something like that once in his life. I mean who's never watched porn with someone else before?

You could also just come out to him and see how he reacts. I mean what could happen? My best friend is straight and he never judged me even when I came out.

dude I know exactly what ur going though I am not out my self too and I've had some really fusterating times too with one of my friends that I really liked I would have to say just be careful and try not to ruin ur friendship thats the reason I never made a move I vauled our friendship more, just take it slow try looking at some gay porn on ur computer and all cool say would u ever try something like that and try to bring up some gay topics see his view on it, keep me informed man tell me how it goes

Yeah, Its nice to see what others would do in this situation it's really building my confidents and giving me so many ideas as to how I am going to go about telling him.

wow haha thanks for the advice definatly going to try

You don't have to be boyfriends. Jack off pals seems to be more acceptable all the time. All guys jerk off on their own anyway, so I never saw why it was so gay if friends do it together. Good luck Stormy. I wish I was as confident as you when I was your age.

You are so right, she has tried to send verbal attacks at me in a secretive way, I think she knows i'm into him and he's into me. She over uses the word "gay" like with everything she says. She's like "that's gay, those shoes are gay, that blah blah is gay" she is so fucking annoying and when I come out I am going to bring the succubus down O and like along time ago we went to see chuck and larry, I don't know if any of you guys have seen that movie, but it's almost all about gays. And he was like, that movie had a deep message and stuff so..blah. When she first came over, she used to like me (in the sexual way) she would always try and touch my stomach and hug all up on me, but I stopped that quick.

Well I really like him, and I want a relationship with him but I also want to lay him So I guess it's WELL worth the wait hehe

Thank you, and good luck too

Agreed.

StormyB,

even if he's gay or bi, did you ever think that he might not be quite
as deeply in love with you as you seem to be with him? or he might
be at a different point in coming out than you are, maybe he's where you were a year or two ago.

i think if you ignore my previous advice from yesterday (basically find someone else who IS gay already) and if you want to find out fast, just tell him you're gay, see how he responds BEFORE telling him that you're in love/lust with him. playing those cockteasing games seems like a waste of time and energy to me. though i guess someone here had success with that.

fuzzyken's advice above is also excellent!


let us know how it turns out. the real truth and nothing but the truth.


offroad8x6

Stormy, this is definitely NOT straight guy behavior on his part...
I know one sure way to find out where his feelings are - let him believe you've met someone new that you're interested in...if he likes you as more than a friend, he will not handle it well at all & you'll know it.

I wish you luck with this...let us know how it turns out...