Type You Date vs. Type You Marry

This is a question for eveybody. Is there a physical type that you enjoy dating; but when it comes to settling down with THE ONE you prefer something else?

SAMPLE 1: For instance it is not uncommon for some white males to enjoy dating women of Asian, Hispanic, or Black heritage; but when it comes to marriage and children they always go back to their own race.

SAMPLE 2: I have a male friend who is handsome, smart and is in excellent physical condition. He sometimes has trouble meeting women. I maintain it's because he is one of those rare men who sizes up each woman he meets to see if she could potentially be the mother of his children. The physical type of woman he would like to marry is highly intelligent, tall, pretty, lean yet muscled, big breasts. She should of course be diet and weight conscious as he is.

Now here's the kicker. He's pushing 40 and has yet to date a woman that fits this description. He likes sex with women who are more rounded, curvy, and soft. Yet he tends to view these women as unhealthy as many do not work out or have a healthy diet. He would NEVER consider one of the women he enjoys sex with as having potential to be the mother of his child. He hasn't said it out right but I think he fears having dumb, fat kids.

Do all men think like this? Are there women who date one physical type, yet marry another intentionally? Is this just a straight male phenomena or do gays and bi's do it too?

I have to wonder if this guy truly worries about them not being perfect....so he finds something to feel uncomfortable about because its convenient for his ultimate desire to stay single? There are a lot of people who sabotage their relationships because they fear commitment.

Like my man Luda said... I want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mademoiselle Rouge I have to wonder if this guy truly worries about them not being perfect....so he finds something to feel uncomfortable about because its convenient for his ultimate desire to stay single? There are a lot of people who sabotage their relationships because they fear commitment.

I asked him about that, but he seems to really want to have kids and be a daddy. That doesn't mean you aren't right of course.

That sounds about right to me. To my horror I discovered that when talking to one of my girlfriends about commitment phobia realizing that we both had a big fat case of it. She reminded me how we both used to go on and on about not finding what we wanted but when we came anywhere close to what we said we wanted we would find a way to sabotage it. Sort of like that animal who will do anything to get out of the trap including chewing off its own leg.

When it comes to physical attraction,I say it is important.However,none of us are perfect and it comes down to so much more than physical attraction or preferences.For example,my ideal shaped woman is thickly built, thick legs and large,shapely ass.But if the woman who has all the qualities(smart,funny,witty,spiritual,etc) I'd look for in a wife isn't shaped that way,it wouldn't be a deterrent. I've dated women of all shapes,sizes,colors and they were all beautiful to me for different reasons.

I also have to wonder here because if i didnt get married at a young age i have to wonder if i would have gotten more and more picky about men to the point of preferring to live alone. I think once you get used to cooking for one person, not having to clean up after anyone else and living without anyone else to bother you that you get so accustomed to it that you can't be happy any other way.

I find a little bit of solitude when my husband goes out of town once a year for his job...not because i dont want him around...but it feels a little different to be home alone that much. It's also quite peaceful not to have to deal with his job making him hours late to get home. I just expect the phone call at bedtime telling me goodnight and then i see him at the airport a few days later.

I think it would be easy to be self sufficient to the point of being so afraid of ruining that little dynamic that you could start requiring symmetrical ear lobes before considering marriage.

i think your friend just has high expectations. if he doesn't lower his standards to be with the type of women he normally dates, he'll be pushing age 50 in no time with no wife and no children. i'm pretty sure a lot of men don't think this way though, njqt. some men are content with just finding the right person to be with, not waiting their whole lives for the exact woman of their dreams. come on, if every man waited for the woman of their dreams to come along they'd all be dead by now.

... and many are...

I was told the same thing by a man who barely knew me many years ago. I of course told him the problem wasn't me but all those crazy commitment phobe men I kept attracting.

I prefer to date a man with some meat on his bones but I will admire/drool/lust over the young hotties here with the 6 pack abs and thighs that can crack walnuts. I would never dream of a long term relationship with those hot guys though because I'm afraid they'd want me to go to the gym with them.

omg, me too! we are totally related, njqt!!!

yep, soooo true. the types of men like these will definitely be missing out on the things they want but will never have because of their expectations. i'm not saying it's wrong to go after what you truly want, but making that choice isn't always a practical one.

[quote=stacy;1572300]i think your friend just has high expectations. if he doesn't lower his standards to be with the type of women he normally dates, he'll be pushing age 50 in no time with no wife and no children. i'm pretty sure a lot of men don't think this way though, njqt. some men are content with just finding the right person to be with, not waiting their whole lives for the exact woman of their dreams. come on, if every man waited for the woman of their dreams to come along they'd all be dead by now.[/quote] I know that not all men are like him; but I was beginning to wonder and wanted confirmation.

I keep encountering men online who claim to want to settle down and have kids. However we either don't quite click or the distance is greater than our chemistry.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stacy omg, me too! we are totally related, njqt!!!

They say the best way to conquer a fear is to face it head on. We should make a pact to have a long term relationship with a lean, mean, sex machine type guy with 6 pack abs.

I have a coworker who is fit to be tied with one of his best friends. The man is a bit shy of 60 but insists upon dating women in their 20's but cant seem to understand why they have NOTHING in common and why it never works out. DUH!