Type You Date vs. Type You Marry

My taste in guys is extremely eclectic, but I have a strong pull toward the bad boys (Naughty called them "feral" once). I usually "date" the wilder ones and reserve long-term commitments to those who aren't as likely to abuse my trust.

SAMPLE 2: I have a male friend who is handsome, smart and is in excellent physical condition. He sometimes has trouble meeting women. I maintain it's because he is one of those rare men who sizes up each woman he meets to see if she could potentially be the mother of his children. The physical type of woman he would like to marry is highly intelligent, tall, pretty, lean yet muscled, big breasts. She should of course be diet and weight conscious as he is.

NJ - there you go talking about me again. lol. I have always and only dated someone who fits into the category of would I want them to be the mother of my children and be brilliant at it all the while being excellent in bed, socially inclined, in possession of grace, common sense, compassion and an excellent wit while being very discerning. As it turns out none of the women I have dated in 20 years seems to have all of these qualities. And so the search continues. sigh.

Girl, I once dated one of those who did NOT want me to go with him to the gym. His whole body was like granite wrapped in silk. I met him online. It was about three weeks before I met him in person. The whole time I knew him he complained that I was 20 pounds lighter in person than in my photo, and was sorry I was continuing to pursue my weight loss. He fed me things like lasagna and duck. He met me for incredibly late dinners where he ate salad. He eventually stopped returning my calls because I just wasn't fat enough for him. He said, "You're a beautiful girl, very pretty. But you were off the hook with 20 more pounds."

Really? So I guess they're out there.

what?! you weren't "fat enough" for him? omg... why haven't i found a man like this? where the fuck are they all hiding?!!!!

Your type are a rare breed its seems.

I do not have different types. I just wouldn't waste someone's time by placing them into individual 'date', 'fuck', 'relationship' categories. It may take time to grow into a relationship from a dating or fucking starting point, if it happens at all, but the possibility always exists because he surely possesses the basics of what I want or I wouldn't be fucking with him anyway.

My list, in case anyone has an interest in Kittie - ;)

He must never lie, have integrity and be magnanimous. Be aware of the greater world - well read and knowledgeable about current events. Be a master of at least one thing. He must like sports. Know something about weapons or be willing to learn/take part in hunting, fishing, camping or something similar. He has to like sex on the same level I do. Must vote and be able to carry on a debate without taking it personally. Must want to live different places (this is my thing). He has to be ale to chill and relax with me. Has to love music and movies. Be direct and open with a flexible mind.

Everything else (impressive profession, Ph.D., wealth, large penis size, kobe bryant-ness, 6-pack, height, ability to sing like Maxwell) are a bonus, highly unlikely to be found in one person, and never mandatory.

Trust me. I know it

Sounds like the eternal fight between blood and head, instict and ratio, sex and familiar love.

I know plenty of guys (and girls!) acting that way, but I think many do it because they fear marriage, or are not mature enough for it, or maybe they don't really wanna marry, rather than because of different kinds of attraction.

As for me, I am too introvert and complicated, as well as afraid of emotional complications, to fly from flower to flower. the second girl I dated is now my wife, and we are immensly happy and in love.

I'd love to marry an asian girl myself... and I'm a white male.

What the hell... I'd marry a blue girl if I'm into her, but that's just me.

Colour is bullshit, but I while I do enjoy skinny, fit and slightly overweight women, I do not enjoy the really fat ones... my bad, I know, but it's true.

If he's 60-ish and the girls are that young, what attracts the girls to him? money?

He was a fetishist, i guess. i have a friend who has a really powerful fantasy about feeding a woman until she grows to be hugely obese... none of the women he has slept with since i knew him have been fat (well, okay, one or two were...) usually he is too hung up on what people will think of the woman they see him with to really go for what he likes.

If I am looking for a woman to marry and have kids with, which is usually what I am looking for, then some qualities are more important. This is for two reasons. I would want my kids to have favorable qualities like intelligent, tall, athletic, etc. And I would want the mother to be a good mother. To be a good mother she would have to be a good role model and have qualities to handle kids, for example, patience.

If I wanted someone just for a short-term relationship, I would care less about these things. I wouldn't care if she was shorter. I wouldn't care as much about how she took care of herself. That would be more important with kids (the role model thing). If she hated kids it wouldn't matter.

But the thing is I see a lot of women that I'm physically attracted to, even though logically I don't like them. Usually my logic filters out the women that don't have long-term marriage potential. I guess it comes down to long-term stability that I'm looking for in someone to marry and have kids with.

Jovial,

You can winnow your list down all you want and at the end of the day you may find your hearts desire and it still not work out. We each bring ourselves to the table. The other person does the same. It is the daily working at it and the ability to be realistically flexible about things we can not control which may serve us best in the long run...

I understand what you're saying I think. That you have to just take a chance at some point and then work from there. But there seems to be lots of people that do that and end up divorced and/or doing a terrible job as parents.

What are some examples of "things we can not control"?