If your friend told you he was gay....

I think the title of this thread should read: When (not if) your friend tells you he's gay.

Over the past 40 years, I've had several friends, both male & female, tell me they were gay. In each case, I truthfully told them that I sorta had that figured out already, that it had never made one bit of difference to me in the past, and that it never would in the future.

I choose friends for all kinds of reasons and I'm not the least concerned if they're gay, bi, or straight.

I have a good friend that I have known beyond a decade now:

He was married to his ex-wife when we became friends. He was in the military, she was an accountant.

They eventually divorced, but I never gathered from him the gist of why the relationship ended abruptly.

Him and I used to get together frequently and watch football, go and lift weights, that sorta thing.

He became a little more distant with me after he divorced, but I really thought nothing of it. In time, when I would stop by, he would have guy friends hanging out, and they would sorta stare at me like they were in on a secret that I had no idea about.

Eventually, he came out of the closet and told me the real deal. I was a bit mildly shocked at first, and sort of miffed a bit by the fact that he didn't seem to trust me enough to just kick me the real deal sooner rather than later. In respect to him, he naturally probably over-estimated what my reaction would be.

The moral of the story is: I really didn't care, and I respect him now just as much as I did before he came out. I don't think of him any differently now than I used to. We don't hang out like we used to, but when we do bump into each other, it's same old, same old. I am just happy as long as he is happy.

...OB

I'd definitely be happy for them! Must be a huge relief to find your sexuality. Other than that, it would be business as usual, I expect.

Now, there's a word that no one uses in the USA, and I think we should, don't you?

I've only ever had a couple of friends come out to me...the first guy was very deceptive the whole time I knew him. I suspected that he was gay & asked him about it several times because I felt like he might have had feelings for me, based on little comments he made & the way he acted toward me. Each time he denied it - this went on for about 2-3 years...finally one day he left a gift for me at my house & inside there was something that I felt was inappropriate for a guy to give another guy, so I called him on it - he FINALLY admitted he was gay and added that he was in love with me...at that point I...well, let's just say I reacted badly...it ended up with me telling him to never speak to me again...

a few years later I grew up and realized that he couldn't help the way he felt & he probably only hid his feelings because he feared a reaction just like the one I gave him...so I called him and apologized...

the 2nd guy who came out to me was a friend from church...we had only hung out a few times and one day I made a joke about him becoming a preacher...he said that he could never do that because of certain things he likes...so I said "things like what?" and he wouldn't say. So I basically let him know that no matter what he said it wouldn't make a difference to me and a little while later he told me...so I said OK...and it's never been an issue...and I've never told his secret...

It's good that eventually apologized to your friends. We might be upset with them from time to time but it's very important at some point that we let them know that we love them and don't care what they're doing.

I know that they were glad to hear from you with your apologetic words. Good for you. I'm proud of you.

thanks, 8060 - I like to think that I'm continuing to grow up.

the only problem I have with this guy now is that he honestly believes that one day something will happen btw us & I can't get him to understand that it never will because it's not what I want...I wish he would find a guy that's for him because it is definitely not me.

When I was in my early 20s, an acquaintance of my brother's outed himself to me. It wasn't common back then-- it took a lot of courage. I was supportive: I just listened to the guy and smiled.

If a friend told me he/she were gay, I wouldn't treat him (or her) any differently: I'd be very supportive and give him (her) a great big hug.

Interesting experience. Did they have kids? That always makes for complications. I assume that he didn't tell you because of fear of rejection. So rather than go through that...he would do the rejection first. As I read these post and see the pics of some of these well hung guys..Even though I said at first I do not want to go to bed with these guys...I do kind of want to go through some kind of physical horseplay..
jerk off together or something to that nature. Going as far as mutual masterbation...I gather that would turn 100 percent straight guys off..
But some how I see it as kind of like male bonding..

It won't make a difference in the friendship, what happens in the bedroom has actually got nothing to do with you.

I would do the same thing I've already done with friends who try to get me into bed. I would tell them I love them, and value our friendship a lot. A true friend is rare. I wouldn't want to risk losing it over sex. Also, sex would complicate matters, and I want to be able to enjoy being with them without any type of tension.
Now, some friends were able to handle it, some kept on pushing the issue. I no longer associate with the ones that wouldln't take no for an answer.

So what was in the box???

when one of my friends came out it took me a while to get used to the reality of it yet i never treated him the same as i felt a bit uneasy around him.