You have a good writing style, however your content is insufferable. It sounds like this guy is just bragging and I probably wouldn't believe this story if he was in front of me telling it.
My advice is, cut down some (alot) of the background and launch straight into an experience this person had: The swim meet, the young girl, sex on campus...whatever. Flesh out one of those main thoughts and you'll have a great series on your hands.
The more stories you write with this character, the more opportunity you'll have to build him into his own entity. You don't have to give all of the story at one time. |