Please Help

I had cyber sex last night, but my firewall was down.

Will I get an STD on my computer?

Yes.

Well, Probably. Go to the store immediately and buy screenwipes and hoover the inside of your PC and you might just get away with it.

Dirty rascal!

If I have sex over the phone, might I get an ear infucktion? Will I still have virgin ears? Might I catch Hearing Aids?

hahahahahahahaha hearing aids

I had sex with a dog. Will she half half human puppies?

Please help I'm really worried.

surely a large shlong would not fit in a puppy

And would they be called Humpies?