For me it's merely a substitute for religion...

Within this religion there have, over the years, been several schisms, and each of these factions have their own idea as how to correctly measure a penis.
What they all have in common, however, is that they all chose a method from which they themselves will benefit in some way.

This may be a slight caricature on my part, but(sadly) it isn't that far off the mark.

You are what you are -- that's true -- but most guys like to put a number on themselves, which personality-wise isn't that easy, but penis-wise it can be done; sort of.

Besides... Do we really want to be what we are?