Am I wrong to want compliments?

lots of good insight. it helps to hear opinions from outside my social circle. thanks everyone.

No, I wouldn't post pictures here if I didn't want complements.

I was in a relationship once where nothing I ever did or said was done or said "the right way"....not even when I said "I love you"...

needless to say, after always getting complaints I just clammed up, pulled back & eventually ended things altogether...

just take the damn generic compliments, at least you're getting them!

Some people just have a hard time giving compliments. I think because my parents didn't give a lot of compliments, especially my dad, I never learned to do it well and make it seem sincere. I am trying to get better at it and sound sincere. I always fear that I won't sound sincere. Giving compliments on appearance is especially hard for me.

So maybe your girlfriend is in that category. Does she give compliments to other people, but just not you?

The alternative explanation is that she just doesn't like you that much. I know that is what you suspect or how you feel when she doesn't compliment you. So hopefully, it's just that she isn't good at giving them.

I get it, I get it. I am insecure and lets leave it at that. I see that people do grow up differently, I am just insecure and self centered, bad combo.

We are all insecure to certain degree. I have no idea if you are too insecure or self centered. Frankly, your request seemed reasonable enough. But I don't know the context of your relationship.

No you aren't wrong to want personal compliments from your gf. The fact that your gf reacted so negatively to a simple, and candid request, says that the relationship is probably not on its best footing.

Women always complain that we don't open up enough. (Note to the women out there, this is why we don't.) You opened up about your feelings and she effectively bitch slapped you in return. If it isn't her job to make you feel better then exactly what is her job? The point of being in a relationship is to be there for each other and support one another. If she isn't interested in that, then the relationship is over.

Why does it have to be that cut and dried? Perhaps she just didnt want to be grilled about the way she gives compliments. I think I might be taken aback as well if someone decided to tell me how to compliment them. I just take the compliment and say thank you because they really didnt even have to do that.

Maybe insecure but definitely not self-centered. If you were self-centered then you wouldn't be giving the compliments that are your frame of reference.

I do know what you are going through with regards to the insecurity and my suggestion is that you choose an activity that helps you develop skill and competency. As you see the progress of your development it will give you grounds to affirm yourself so that you no longer have to seek it from others.

Currently I like to suggest martial arts to those that are physically capable because it is open to all ages, the skills are useful, the teachers facilitate a mental attitude of overcoming rather than self-pity, the standards are strict and high, and the methods of teaching are proven so that anybody can learn . . .

This is what I think too. I know that I don't give compliments very much, because of my upbringing. I also was in a relationship with a guy who said that I didn't cuddle enough, or correctly. This just made me angry and not want to cuddle! Of course, I know what he was getting at now, and that was also due to my upbringing (and also his poor hygiene! I'd have to tell him to wash up if I'm going to get that close! ), and have improved a lot in those areas over the last year or two.

I also don't ask for compliments. Unfortunately I don't take compliments very well due to my own insecurities, but I'm working on that too. But a compliment that isn't freely given is not really a compliment.

And it would depend on how you feel about yourself.

My wife used to comment on how I looked, but I would shrug it off. When I was a child abusive family members would (read brother and sister) would sit on me and would shout about how ugly I was. I got many many hours of this. So when someone told me I was good looking, I couldn't bring up the "thank you" response.

Ditto for being told anything positive. It takes a good while. Being uptight about receiving praise depends a lot on how you used to get praised as a child.

Please think about it.

Perhaps there's another manner I might miss, and it is the delivery of such praise. And the contest perhaps she is mildly teasing, and you don't want to hear it that way.

Being taken aback would certainly have been an acceptable response if she had sat down with him and talked the situation over with him. That isn't the impression I got about what occurred. Admittedly, it is all from his point of view, so we have to keep that in mind. But he claimed that she got in his face about it and said "It's not my job to make you feel better about yourself". That is awfully dismissive and self-centered response. If she had said, "I'll keep that in mind, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you telling me how to compliment you.", then the relationship would look like it was on more solid footing. She would have taken his emotional needs seriously while still holding on to her reservations.