Gay Rape...Does It Make You Gay & Attracted to Older Guys?

Where you got that I was demanding they go to therapy is beyond me? I did strongly urge all men with nice butts to bend over. I am not a bottom, and would like to use this whole crate of dildos.

There's just no predicting who will be helped and who will stall or even regress in therapy.

Sometimes we just don't know what we don't know, particularly at 18. When you read between the lines of the victim's (yes, victim's) posting, one gets the feeling that there is significant guilt being expressed about somehow being complicit in the act...that this criminal pedophile wouldn't have singled him out if he hadn't seen something "gay" about the victim. And what about his mother? What does it say about the whole situation that he apparenly didn't feel comfortable at the age of 8 to tell his mom about what was going on. And then there's the issue of transference of father figure emotions (and just the basic need to feel loved and cared for) to the perpetrator. (I can only assume the victim's own father wasn't in the picture.)

There are just all kinds of issues here which need to be explored with a competent therapist who specializes in the treatment of child sexual assault. All the doubts being expressed now will simply magnify as the years pass if there is no intervention. Reaching out to forums and others may be helpful, (if for no other reason other than it tells you you're not alone) but it certainly is not a substitute for one-on-one counseling and group interaction. And yes, as noted by others, there is no guarantee of "success." But to do nothing substantive, is, IMO, a real gamble with very poor odds.

AND HERE'S ONE OTHER THING TO KEEP IN MIND. ANGELLUST, SINCE YOU'RE JUST 18, IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO CONTACT LAW ENFORCEMENT. YOU PROBABLY WEREN'T THE ONLY VICTIM AND CERTAINLY WON'T BE THE LAST. And if your initial reaction to this suggestion is, "Oh, I couldn't turn the guy in to the cops because I care about him too much," just think about how screwed up your thought process really is. That's probably why you didn't tell your mother in the first place--you knew that would be her reaction.

In any case, what happened to you was brutal, unfair and certainly not your fault. Angellust, I wish you the best in your adult life and hope you're eventually able to answer the questions you pose for yourself with conviction and understanding.

I had a friend whose dad was an alcoholic, and one night dad came home drunk and screwed my friend. Not sure what age it was, but it doesn't really matter.

This caused untold guilt, shame, anger, and really messed up my friend's thinking about relationships, about sex, about a lot of things. Although his dad screwed him in the ass, he essentially screwed him in the mind, too.

Anyway, Angellust, I agree with a lot of what has been said here. I would gently encourage counseling just to help sort some things out and see where it leads you. By speaking up, it sounds like you're ready to deal with it.

Take care of yourself. Keep us posted if you like.

I think it did make you attracted to guys - here is my rationale - a childs mind tends to see things in extremes - so it tries to sort things in a good pile and a bad pile. Because whatever happened to you probably felt good - you probably categorized it as good because you associated the pleasure - as most children would, with something that was good. You probably at some level knew that something wrong was going on, which confused you even more because the good sensation of the sexual stimulation, didnt make sense associated with the bad sensation of knowing something is going wrong. As you grow older your thinking becomes more sophisticated, allowing a person to categorize things in relation to qualifiers - so somethings may be good, but in certain instances, sort of a like a dialysis patient disallowed from bananas because it is bad in their situation, but good for a normal person. Your brain as a child probably associated that experience as something good because it felt good. Because of this experience - there may be some hardwiring changes in your thinking process, especially since you were a child just beginning to develop your neural pathways. However, you are not a robot that has been programmed, or even an intel processor - you don't have to stay the same - you can change, don't let anyone deceive you into thinking different. Of course you won't be transforming into a giraffe anytime soon, but you can, with work change your thought process and even your attractions. If you choose not to change - or you don't know how - at least admit it - be responsible for your thoughts, and creative in your solutions in addressing them.

No. I don't see that at all MichiganRico. Angellust's sexual awakening and awareness were events that occurred later in his life. The father singled out a naive prepubescent child as opposed to a gay male . He took advantage of an available, sexually ignorant, obedient child that was in his care.



It may indeed be too late. To convict the man the prosecution would need the testimony of at least two victims. Then there is the lack of evidence, lack of witnesses and the question of him taking too long to come forward i.e. a statute of limitations may apply. His mother and other relatives may not believe him, turn against him and side with the father. He and his family will have to go through a time of turbulence and hurt if he "goes to the cops" as you suggest. Bearing all of this in mind I don't think his thought process was "screwed up" because he didn't press charges against the step dad now.

In my opinion, it is because that was your first sexual experience, i was molested by my mom and dad bwhen I was 3. I always fantasized about being with a woman, but grew up scared of men, It makes me sick to even hear you tell what happened to you, it was so heartbreaking, he took advantage of you as a child, doesnt it make you sad when you see a child that same age? it should, the body is made to respond to stimulation. just because you enjoyed it, didn't make it okay for a man to take advatage of a child, hes a pedophile. Im sorry that happened to you, im the mom of 3 boys myself, and let me tell yiou, if i found out anyone raped them, , i would kill them! it doesnt really matter if your gay or not, does it?

Lucky? are you nuts???

Maybe you can't "turn" gay because you were molested by a man, but your rape probably has alot to do with what you presume to be your sexual orientation, and YES, you can be changed by a traumatic event, like rape.

One of the things you might experience after being raped is your mind unconsciously trying to take control of, in the present, what hurt you in the immediate or distant past. You can be so subconsciously terrified of merely seeing or being in the presence of another male that your mind turns that fear into what feels like (but isn't) attraction, and this happens faster than your conscious mind can process or articulate it. Your mind does this to protect you from the pain (shame, etc) that you were powerless to prevent the rape at the time that it happened, and the irrational fear that you will be raped again, by any male, anywhere, and at anytime-and the more irrational thought that you wanted or caused the rape, yourself. Even if you know that you did not want to be raped, it's hard for your psyche to make sense of why it happened; your brain can just keep the shock of it running in a perpetual loop, and your sexual reactions to people/experiences that remind you of the rape might be a way of dealing with all of it.

Being 'attracted' to older men might plausibly be your subconscious way of reasoning that all older men aren't going to rape or hurt you. Maybe, you're trying to give the horror show replaying in your head a different ending-a happy ending that doesn't involve you being raped. I think, on some level, all males are naturally drawn to older men, simply because we feel comforted by them; I'm one of them. You must determine for yourself how much of your attraction is perfectly natural and how much is a reaction to your traumatic experience.

For someone with an experience like yours, especially at such a young age, having what seem to be instantaneous sexual reactions to other guys is entirely in the realm of the possible. Something in your mind is telling you that the rape "turn[ed]" you gay, and even if that's not exactly what happened [It really isn't.], you shouldn't ignore that; you're here talking about it for a sound, healthy reason. You have a strong, healthy mind that is working very hard to heal you-make you whole, again.

The rape is something wrong that happened to you. There's nothing wrong with you.

The rape did not "turn" you gay, but [yes] it changed you. Everything that we experience, healthy and destructive, changes us in some way; rape is no different. You owe it to yourself to determine how much of that change you can or want to live with and to give yourself a life with no subconscious boogeymen hiding under the bed. [You've got better things to do in bed, don't you? ]

Get help and sort this all out.

It's been three years since I researched most of this, but below are the highlights I remember:

Somewhere around one in five men are sexually abused before age 18. (This stat varies wildly from article to article; one in five is a general consensus.)

Somewhere around three in one hundred men identify as gay, bi, queer, etc. (Again, this stat varies wildly from article to article; three per cent is a general consensus.)

Though some studies show that a higher number of gay/bi/queer boys are sexually abused than straight boys, most experts attribute this to the findings that gay/bi/queer boys are generally victimized to a higher degree than straight boys - gay/bi/queer boys are either seen as targets and/or are targeted by those seeking to do all kinds of different harm.

If sexual abuse turned men gay there would probably be more gay men as far more men are abused than are gay.

It makes little sense that being horribly, horribly violated by someone of the same sex would make you want to seek out sex with members of the same sex.

Sexual orientation appears to be solidified (somewhere between conception and birth) before sexual abuse is statistically most likely to occur (after being born). No one is "turned" gay.

Further, though most men who sexually abuse were themselves abused, the vast majority of men who were sexually abused never do. The most predictive risk factor of someone sexually abusing is "childhood neglect", which is a ridiculously broad term that indicates shitty parenting. That being said, the vast majority of people who suffered childhood neglect do not themselves sexually abuse.

Finally, a good therapist, like any good health professional, can do wonders with people who have or are suffering from sexual trauma. They can help you make sense of emotion, build and re-build relationships, reduce anxiety and depression etc., but it is fantasy to think that anyone, therapist or otherwise, can make you "all better." It is very easy to predict when someone will stall or regress in therapy, and that's when either the person seeking therapy or the person delivering it becomes possessed of the idea that therapy will do away with all their problems, or goes into it thinking they can't be helped.

You don't become "gay", but you may find yourself strongly attracted to men.