Priest Bans Autistic Boy From Church

I've got to chime in again here

My child is very high functioning autistic. As an infant and toddler there were many places we couldnt take her because of her outbursts. She had much more severe autism back then. We had a right to take her to church, movie theatre and to quiet restaurants. The thing is, if she had a bad day or a bad "season" we didn't put her in those stressful situations. Not only was it stressful for us and her- we didn't want to put undue stress on the other people around us.

Now i can take her anywhere with me, but i do remember the days when we had to miss church, leave birthday parties early and leave a restaurant before our food even arrived. It's part of the job- being prepared to up and leave if things get out of hand. It's not the church's job to make the situation ideal for a kid that can't be picked up and removed from a situation like a small child could be.

His physical stature makes this situation that much more difficult. Male autistic children are more prone to physical outbursts of violence because of their lack of communication is frustrating. He also has what i call the "Lenny Syndrome" (Lenny from Of Mice and Men) where his strength could seriously hurt someone inadvertantly.

I do not blame the church for putting their foot down. Just because they preach the gospel doesnt mean they have to put up with abuse in the church from a kid that can't be controlled in public. People expect churches to be perfect and to not have boundaries too.

There is a responsibility on the parents part to ensure their child is the best he can be from therapeutic intervention and ideal parental environment. Letting a child loose like a bull in a china cabinet because it's legal doesnt make it right.

If you want to have a new understanding about how autistic children can be corraled into behaving with proper techniques....check out the movie below. It really touched my heart. It's called AUTISM: THE MUSICAL HBO: Autism: The Musical

If ever there were a candidate for home ministering....

Where is the pastoral service in this very special boy's life?

Well - thanks WifeofBath and Red for being the voices of reason here. There is probably far more to this on both sides - that's very true.

Pecker - the priest went to the famility and offered them alternatives - I'm fairly certain 'home ministering' as you call it would have been among the options. Both here and in other countries I've lived every single one of the Catholic Churches I have attended have had a system whereby the priest, or nuns, or sometimes lay members of the parish bring the host (when asked) to the disabled or otherwise housebound members of the congregation. Full Catholic Mass can't be said - but as damn near as they can get it can be done as well. I'd be hugely surprised if that had not been offered to this family.

Maybe it was offered and rejected. That would be very sad.

This is a very important point. I wonder if the mother and father of this boy are truly accepting their son's autism because they are repeatedly trying to push him into a situation that is stressful for him. Sure, at some level you need to push your children to do things they don't want to, but if they truly accept who their son is and what his limitations are, they wouldn't repeatedly put him in a situation that is obviously so stressful that he can't control his outbursts. I think a lot of parents with children with various disabilities want so badly to have a normal child and a normal life, they neglect to see what some of the realities of their situation are. It's simply not fair to the child to expect him to do something that he's obviously not capable of doing right now and put him through so much stress.

I notice parents of non-disabled children do the same thing. I don't know how many times I've been in a mall and a child is screaming because they are obviously tired or otherwise can't cope with shopping any longer. Instead of taking into account that their kid is 4 or 5 and can't handle all the walking and noise and boredom of the mall as well as an adult can and get out of there, the parents scream at the child for being "bad." It's the same with a quiet restaurant-- sometimes young children simply can't cope with sitting at a table for an hour. As a parent you have to know your child's limitations and work within them. Sure, you have to teach your children how to behave in those situations, but you have to do it at an age-appropriate level.

It seem like you recognize your daughter's limitations and you've also addressed them so that she isn't as limited in the right way (read: not screaming at her in the mall to shut up). Good for you.

Thanks. I've had her in a lot of speech, physical and occupational therapy since she was 2 (she is 6 now) and it helped me as well as helped her. I never expect my child to sit in silence or boredom anywhere we go. She has a pink iPod shuffle with her music burned on it. When she has her headphones on she can tune out anything so long as she wants to listen to it. We also have a Hello Kitty bag with wheels so she can pull it behind her when we go anywhere. Inside of this bag is snacks, drinks and a ton of craft materials from squiggly scizzors, glue, glitter, stickers, etc. If you give any child something to do its amazing how quiet they can be.

I am in no way comparing this to what should be done with the autistic kid in question by any means. I'm simply explaining how my own experiences have provoked creativity as a parent.

I am a pretty quiet person in public so when my kid starts acting like a basketcase....sometimes i have to snap her back into reality because people are staring and other times i realize she might just need Momma to hold her, stroke her skin softly, or hand her a project to work on.

I'm with the church on this one. Unfortunately we can't accommodate every single human being in every single situation.

Not worth molestin'? That's a bannin'.

I pretty much agree with the priests decision, as it seems any sensibly minded person does. I'm not experienced enough with autism to offer much more than that, so I'll leave you senoritas to it and maybe learn a thing or two.

Did you just refer to me as a senorita?

I'm a MAN, dammit. And I'm 100% straight!!! Were you hitting on me? I don't like the gays hitting on me or looking at my cock!

Yes, why do all those homosexuals keep sucking your cock?

I hate it when that happens. I can totally relate to that article.

So much for the priest offering spiritual comfort to the boy's mother....

Sorry - where's the bit of the article that says he didn't? I missed that reference...

Ah, lovely MB, how often you don't recognize my sarcasm. I should say positive spiritual comfort.
Which if I read the article right, showed no signs of that.
sorry for the confusion.

Well that sucks for the family but perhaps they should have looked into alternatives for their son, he simply can't handle sitting for an hour. God knows I can't either with that mass crap droning on.