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Originally Posted by snoozan  T_K, this is a very personal, emotional story, and though I read it last night, I have not been able to formulate a proper response to it. You've truly bared your soul to us, and I haven't wanted to just type a terse reply to you.
I get a sense of great vulnerability from you in general, and especially in this account of losing your virginity. In many ways you remind me of myself when I was your age (which wasn't all that long ago).
I hope that writing this and posting it has helped you work it out in your head, or just make some sort of linearity with the emotions surrounding that night. Both of those things can really help you reflect and grow from an experience.
Thank you for sharing. |
Thanks for the continual support Snooz. I really appreciate it. Writing it down in text makes me able to read it whenever... that was the point. I needed to remember what the friendship was in the first place. It's also written as if it was meant to be read, the reason behind that was years ago we decided we should write a book on our friendship. And even though we still think we should have... the documentation of events has far stopped. But this one was important.
I can never be sure if I grew from it in a positive way though, I have a superficial view of gay guys now... I think that they can be persuaded into straight sex. (Now I don't want a flood of PM's/posts saying that you wouldn't fuck me, it's not totally what I mean.) It's just that the gay males that have surrounded me have either slept with me, or expressed wanting to have a threesome/sex with me. So, it gets really confusing for me.
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Originally Posted by Onslow Don't sell yourself short TK. You may well cross his mind more than you are aware. As one who has abused booze and various medications, I can tell you that when I was absorbed into those elements, I did indeed think of certain people--often fondly and always with remorse for what I had become and how I had hurt them. Not one day passed when I did not think of my children or my sister, but I went years without any contact because anytime I would start to dial the number or pen a letter, my shame and guilt would prevent it from happening. On the positive side my sister Olivia and I did have some good moments while I was initially sobered up and I talked with her twice more after I got cleaned up again last year before her passing. My son Jimmy is closer to me than ever and has been the glue which has held me together--more than a few times.
What I am saying here is, that he is in a place right now, but hopefully that place will not be his place forever and one day you may be able to set forth together on the next leg of your companionship. Things change and people change--do not despair. |
Onslow you have restored my hope that it might happen one day. I really still love him, gayness aside he was the cure to a lot of pain I was experiencing before I met him. I had to stop worrying about everything to do with him in order to let go. There was nothing I could do about the drugs, the alcohol, the failing grades. I was just one person, who cared. He didn't want that, so I let go. I seen him at his grad convocation, and I didn't even recognize him. It was the first time since March that I had seen him face to face.
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Originally Posted by Nomad I'm not surprised. Speaking as a gay man, there is something really sexy about your pictures. I'd do you in a heartbeat, but that's beside the point.
Thank you for sharing your story. |
Thanks.