T_K, this is a very personal, emotional story, and though I read it last night, I have not been able to formulate a proper response to it. You've truly bared your soul to us, and I haven't wanted to just type a terse reply to you.

I get a sense of great vulnerability from you in general, and especially in this account of losing your virginity. In many ways you remind me of myself when I was your age (which wasn't all that long ago).

I hope that writing this and posting it has helped you work it out in your head, or just make some sort of linearity with the emotions surrounding that night. Both of those things can really help you reflect and grow from an experience.

Thank you for sharing.