An older guy

It seems to me Auron that you are putting yourself into a no win situation, or being put into one. If you want to keep a working friendship with Max and also want sex, go get the sex, but outside this triange, quadrangle or whatever.

Jealousy still sets in when things go sour; his boyfriend is already beginning to feel that he can be easily replaced. Spending time with another guy instead of him will still upset him.

Even if you can have sex on the down-low, there's a television show called "Cheaters," and I wouldn't chance it. lol

Auron, my dear. I have to take issue with the ageism. I am 51 and most people take me for early 30's. If you find someone, who you generally get along with and find attractive, age shouldn't be an issue. As far as your situation goes, be careful. Don't just become an easy lay. Stay platonic and see what happens.
I dig all types of men young, old, black,white ahd all colors of the rainbow. Keep your mind open, there are a lot of great guys out there, one may be the one for you.

I'm 57. I see your point about age. I see no problem with age if you and I want to have some sex on the side and you want it and I want it. That isn't gross.

But, a real relationship is questionable. At 57 I most likely am older than your dad. It wouldn't be gross. It wouldn't be wrong for a 19 and 57 year old to have a very serous relationship.

As the older person I would have a major obligation to make sure you knew what the relationship is. If you just enjoy giving blow jobs and I enjoy getting them and that is all there is to it, then age isn't a problem at all. But if either of us is expecting more, we should let the other one in on it. That is the only fair.

Only you would know if you can have a equal one on one relationship with a guy that is older than your parents. It will depend on the guy for sure. There are some 57 year olds out there that you could really get into. There are some though that wouldn't be able to find a common level for the both of you to be equal.

I have nothing against those who do find relationships with that large of an age gap, but there's almost a double generation gap in that (depending on when the parents have kids that is), and it's just not something I could see myself going for. I guess gross is a bad word to use when I refer to that, as I don't quite mean it like that. At first I felt like I was being criminalized for the specific words I said, but I did ask for your opinions.

And honestly I think some guys who are in their 50's and 60's are actually pretty hot, but I couldn't find myself being involved with someone who's that much older than me.

Now I can sleep tonite. LOL
Good luck man.

Haha, thanks. Another thing is that having sex with someone is more personal to me, I can't just go and screw some random guy and be happy. Which is why if we did anything, I'd feel bad because I'd end up having mixed feelings about breaking into his relationship and probably developing my own. I obviously like him, but I don't love him (yet?), and this situation would just end up getting more complicated with his boyfriend involved. If it ever comes to it like it almost did today, I'll probably end up telling him no because of the guilt, or I may just flat out tell him how I feel about it regardless.

Well a little update; I talked with Max on AIM last night and he asked me if I felt awkward with him spending so much time with him. I told him that I didn't want to cause problems with his boyfriend and that I think he's a great friend and I like to spend time with him, but I don't want it to rattle his relationship because of me. He understands and agrees with me, said we'll talk about it on Wednesday after he gets back from New Orleans (they went on a trip to NO for the weekend).

On another note, my straight best friend I fell in love with in High school (who I'll name Dan, again for respectful discretion) ended up chatting with me on the phone last night. I haven't talked to him in almost 6 months, so we ended up getting some food and catching up on what's been going on with our lives. Apparently his girlfriend hates me because Dan told her that I'm gay, although I barely know her at all, she just knows I was good friends wit him. Her reasoning is that I'm going to hit on him (ironic, since I did in high school along with accusing him of being gay and that almost ruined our friendship, but we overcame that) and she doesn't want me near him. So as soon as he picked me up and I got in his truck last night, he told me "if anyone asks, you're <insert other friend's name here>".

I guess Dan's a bit like me in the sense that he wants to maintain healthy relationships in all directions without any sign of problems. Our continued friendship is also a secret from his parents, as the fact that I'm gay and what happened between us utters greet disapproval and hate. He tries very hard to keep our friendship alive without pissing off the rest of the people who are close to him, which is admirable and in some ways kinda weird, but I only say that because I don't know why he does it after the events between us.

Sounds like, for a lot of reasons, Max is not the guy for you. You should probably move on, and find someone more suited to you.

Move on , they're someone just waiting for you.
Keep us posted.

Not much has gone on lately, however the other day Max told me that he's planned to move out in December and end their broken relationship. Said he's got some priorities to take care of until then. Either Austin or Dallas is where he'll move - currently in Arlington. From what I've learned, he doesn't own the house; his boyfriend's parents do, and he's paying for half the mortgage. Thought I'd update you guys.

0lder guy 38.....lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllll stop you i can't breath

I fail to see the amusement.

all I can say is, any type of relationship that requires deception & secrecy is not good for you...that goes for this Max thing as well as the Dan thing...

as you get older, you will realize that you deserve to be with someone who won't want to hide his true feelings for you or keep your relationship in the closet...

regarding the age thing, it's really just a number...don't get caught up in worrying about what others may think...

Here here....50 is just a few years away for me, and i consider myself in NO WAY to be gross...