If you have a few seconds...

Jennuine73 · 05-13-2008

Marley,

I think your idea to apologize to people you think you may have offended is a good idea. To suggest others do the same will only get people pissed off. See what I mean?

DC_DEEP · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by HazelGod

We're all adults here. If you can't take criticism of your commentary, keep your gob shut. If you're incapable of discourse with other adults without feeling the need to proselytise and harangue them with your ideals of how they "ought" to behave, then keep your gob shut. If you're expecting to find only a chorus of sycophantic agreements, then you're posting in the wrong place.

Oh, HazelGod, you are SO right, I couldn't possibly agree more!

Quote:

Originally Posted by reecho

Ohhh, one thing that always lights my ring is freedom of speech on forums. There is no such thing. Someone owns this place, and they can choose to get rid of anything they want to.

OHMYFUCKINGGAWDHEATHER!!!
Someone who actually knows what the fuck "freedom of speech" means. I think I'm in love, reecho! You actually understand that "freedom of speech" does NOT mean you can say whatever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want; it actually means that the government cannot arbitrarily limit or censor your speech.

vince · 05-13-2008

If you want to apologize to someone marley, by all means do so. You don't need a support group do it. Just because you may have a guilty conscience, doesn't mean that we all do, or should.

I've given up expecting people here to be civil. There are some posters here who continually annoy me and usually I just skip their posts and threads.

marleyisalegend · 05-13-2008

so im the only one who's ever been obnoxious or rude?? i should've known that the idea of people who sit on self-righteous thrones would denounce the idea of confessing that they're capable of rude and obnoxious behavior. the responses to this thread are highy amusing. guess some of us are taught to cling to our laurels and fight for them tooth and nail, even if we're dreadfully wrong. one thing that makes it sometimes less than enjoyable to post here is that if your opinion differs from the popular ideas, or even one person, you're subject to extreme criticism and rude, cutting remarks. i've definitely done so and feel embarressed for some of the things i've posted. i guess some people don't possess the necessary introspection to realize that they're not god. continue bowing down to yourself in the mirror while the rest of us realize that we're not omnipotent and all-knowing.

mercurialbliss · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by marleyisalegend

so im the only one who's ever been obnoxious or rude?? .

Obviously not. I've jumped the gun myself a time or two.

Since we're on the subject, i'll have my say. I agree with HG, Lex, and the others who said (more or less) if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. No one should think their opinions and ideas are free from scrutiny. I learn more from people whose ideas, culture, gender, background, sexuality, or lifestyle differ from mine. It's the only to acquire objectivity about anything in this life. Plenty of people will spout their opinions as gospel and turn a deaf ear to anything anyone has to offer. I tend to have the least amount of respect for those people.

I also have the least amount of respect for people who don't/won't admit they're wrong about something especially if they know they're wrong. I don't know why people seem to think admitting that will make them seem weak but they do. Guess it's easier for some to think they're always right. I truly pity them. If you can't recognise or refuse to recognise when you're wrong about something then you have no business starting a conversation about anything. Being wrong is part of being human. Failure to accept that is failure to grow the fuck up.

ManlyBanisters · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lex

Seconded.

Anyone who posts an opinion should be prepared for that opinion to be challenged or seconded. There is no freedom from the thoughts of others on a board where you voluntarily share your opinions.

Here is the problem: with the volume of postings on the board, there is no way for any moderating team to effectively, efficiently and equitably police the board for "nastiness." And what IS nastiness anyway? Just because you say something nicely does not mean you are being nice or saying something nice. People confuse disagreement with dislike and agreement with support. Those words are not synonymous.

Those who can have and enjoy a good debate/argument (with an occasional insult) should not be relegated to not posting or carefully editing their postings because some people like to enjoy a unidirectional freedom of speech. Some of the most thught-provoking threads have been our heated debated about religion, orientation, discrimination, etc. That rich discourse can only happen when people feel free to speak openly. And that freedom to speak cannot be couched in feeling "protected" from dissenting opinions.

Forgive me, but I was raised to NOT dumb-down my conversation and debate.

People need to take responsibility for their own enjoyment of the board (disengage, take a break, use the ignore feature, learn to accept disagreement and dissenting opinion),as they need to; it would go a long way towards helping the board. The moderator actions (e.g., jumping in when people feel victimized) serve only to enable people's learned helplessness, not empower them to participate in conversation, discussion, and debate.

Do children ever learn to solve disagreements if mommy and daddy are always run to for intervention? All the actions have done is teach people to run to you when there is a perceived problem.

And I totally disagree with the assertion that I have to respect everyone unilaterally. That is complete nonsense. Respect is earned, not freely given. There are plenty of people here and in real life who have not earned my respect (or who have lost it).

QFFT

I was gearing up to post something similar - but it appears I don't need to.

And further to that, it's one thing to have people bring fights to each other in threads here (although even that I think has a certain line it needs to reach before it is automatically called trolling) but to intimate there is no room for caustic argument on an adult message board like this one is ridiculous. And besides - sometimes some people* just NEED telling to fuck right off.

* no, I'm not talking about anyone imparticlar, or anyone on this thread.

marleyisalegend · 05-13-2008

respect has little to nothing to do with courtesy, maybe i grew up in a different era where it wasn't cool to insult somebody just because their opinion or religion is different.

Mademoiselle Rouge · 05-13-2008

All i have to say to Marley:

Dude, go have a cup of tea and chill out a bit. You are very too high strung. If you could post as if you are pacing the floor in sheer anxiety, you have it mastered.

Just relax, take a break if you need to and don't be so concerned with keeping conversation going around here. The board rarely gets boring with a lack of good conversation and debate. But it can have a spirit of tension among members. This isn't a good way to prevent that from happening if that is what you are worried about.

I worry about those who feel the need to create a dozen new threads a day, often threads that have something contriversial in them, and then they aren't comfortable with the contention that results from the topics.

You can be a compassionate nice guy but you registered in October and started posting in March like there was no tomorrow. Maybe you've gotten a little too invested in what the board thinks too much.

HazelGod · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by DC_DEEP

Oh, HazelGod, you are SO right, I couldn't possibly agree more!

Holy shit...thanks for that, DC...you made my morning!

marleyisalegend · 05-13-2008

after reading an article about internet bullies and disrespect, this site makes a lot more sense to me and i think i have a better idea of how to navigate and post without having to deal with constant ridicule.

i realize that there are a wealth of social disorders that lead people to feel like the web is just a playground for them to go around pushing people around and inflating their own sense of superiority. for about two seconds i thought it might just be me, i've certainly been no angel but i realize that someone has to have some ISSUES if they can't log on without putting somebody down and just HAVE to click on threads by people they don't like so they can post their witty, cutting remarks.

what's funny is the following article is about children engaging in net bullying, but this site is 18+ so that means we have grown adults acting like little kids. my best hope is that it's only because of the obscurity the net provides and that the members who act like this don't behave this way in their ordinary lives.

Net Bullies...preventing and handling cyberbullying and harassment

Why Do Kids Bully Each Other Online?
There are many reasons kids bully each other online. Sometimes they are bored and looking for entertainment. Sometimes they are nursing a grudge and want to hurt the other. They may see themselves are righteous avengers, righting the wrongs of the intented victim. They may be the victim of an offline bullying or another netbully, striking back the only way they can. They may be jealous, hurt or just role-playing. They may not even mean to netbully another. They might have just had their communications misunderstood or misdelivered.

Net bullying comes in many forms, outright insults and profanity, or cleverly worded insults that are backhanded and disguied with a more extensive vocabulary.

Lex · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by marleyisalegend

so im the only one who's ever been obnoxious or rude?? i should've known that the idea of people who sit on self-righteous thrones would denounce the idea of confessing that they're capable of rude and obnoxious behavior. the responses to this thread are highy amusing. guess some of us are taught to cling to our laurels and fight for them tooth and nail, even if we're dreadfully wrong. one thing that makes it sometimes less than enjoyable to post here is that if your opinion differs from the popular ideas, or even one person, you're subject to extreme criticism and rude, cutting remarks. i've definitely done so and feel embarressed for some of the things i've posted. i guess some people don't possess the necessary introspection to realize that they're not god. continue bowing down to yourself in the mirror while the rest of us realize that we're not omnipotent and all-knowing.

I'm not sure if this was directed at me--it if was, I would very much appreciate your saying so that I could seek to understand why you feel that way.

That being said: I have not been clear (or maybe I have been).

I never said I have never been rude or obnoxious: obviously I have been.
And I have, on occasion, apologized to those when I felt that I have done something wrong.

I also feel that during my time here many have seen me be supportive, loving, direct, and kind.

At the same time, I do not think that all my opinions are popular ones. Nor do I think that the lack of popularity should cause me to not state my unpopular opinions. I just have the ability to realize that, even an unpopular opinion can be respected when it is supported with reasoned thinking and maturity. And I have the fortitude to stand behind my opinions--if I did not, I would not post them.

Act accordingly. Your mileage may vary.

jason_els · 05-13-2008

Sorry Marley, but that reply is a little too Kumbaya to defend your argument. LPSG is not a haven for bourgeoise morality and, with luck, never will be. It's a gloves-off free-for-all of ideas and the debate of those ideas. If you defend an argument based upon popular belief, you're going to get your head handed to you. Argue empirically and you'll fair far better.

marleyisalegend · 05-13-2008

there's a BIG difference between discussing something and being rude. i've been insulted because of my color, sexuality, age, and someone even made jokes about my cousin molesting me. none of those things had anything to do with the conversation. i've seen women called inferior this and bitchy that, the list goes on. again, i'm speakly SOLELY about people who are outwardly disrespectful and antagonizing.

ManlyBanisters · 05-13-2008

Has it ever occured to you that no one is particularly getting picked on and that maybe it is more to do with a persecution complex? Speaking of 'social disorders' and all.

marleyisalegend · 05-13-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManlyBanisters

Has it ever occured to you that no one is particularly getting picked on and that may it is more to do with a persecution complex? Speaking of 'social disorders' and all.

good point. i've seen people get ganged up on for being rude, then when someone more 'popular' does it it's defended and excused. there's a fair amount of ass-kissing that happens on this site (and not the good kind cuz its never mine being licked!!!)

If you have a few seconds...

Marley, I think your idea to apologize to people you think you may have offended is a good idea. To suggest others do the same will only get people pissed off. See what I mean?