gay relationship advice

atph1984

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and I just found out that he fantasizes about other men, some that are everyday people, and some celebrities. He argues that it is normal and simply human nature. I worry that it is a red flag that I do not satisfy him, sexually, or that he is unhappy with me. what do you think?

cajun boy 8x6

the next post will be from the expert............you know who..........so well hear his wisdom on the matter

when the levee gets full..........RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

marleyisalegend

men naturally enjoy variety in their life, at extremes, this is where infideilty comes into play, but in normal doses its normal, healthy behavior. by "design", humans aren't meant to be monogamous, otherwise we wouldn't be attarcted to other people once we've found a partner. this DOES NOT AT ALL mean he's not attracted to you especially if it never goes beyond fantasy. it may mean he's not satisfied, but it very well may not. the best you can do is make sure YOU are doing all you can to satisfy him (and he should be doing the same for you) and then you'll have less to worry about. talk to him as well, ask him if he's satisfied with every aspect of the relationship. never hurts to ask, and understanding is the key to a progressive relationship. especially being the one year mark, the initial lust you guys felt of "ooh, who's this new guy in my life" is becoming routine, you see each other often if not everyday, so naturally there's a decline in level of excitement, but that doesn't mean it's not there. this period is often pivotal in relationships and will probably give you a better understanding of the dynamic of long term relationships.

......i don't wanna have to eat lettuce. those stupid bags of spring mix PISS ME OFF.....


i know you've taken to wearing your father's hand-me-down anger, but i wish that you wouldn't it's a few sizes too big and everyone can see it doesn't fit you, makes you look silly, hangs loose in all the wrong places, even if it does match your skin color.....

cajun boy 8x6

Ta dahhh!!! i am a psychic today...............ALF............Ha I Kill Me

when the levee gets full..........RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

marleyisalegend

you're clever too. your powers of saying something and nothing at all are second to none. so far there are 3 responses in this thread, one attempting to answer the question, give support and advice, two that are directed towards someone else who isn't even the focal point of the thread.


ANYWAYS, now that the tomfoolery has been addressed, back to the topic THAT MATTERS. atph, i went through the same exact thing, i'm currently 22 with hormones raging like a river and my boyfriend is 30 so sex to him is becoming a bit less exciting just because he's been doing it much longer our libidos don't match evenly so feel free to PM me if you wanna talk about this further.

......i don't wanna have to eat lettuce. those stupid bags of spring mix PISS ME OFF.....


i know you've taken to wearing your father's hand-me-down anger, but i wish that you wouldn't it's a few sizes too big and everyone can see it doesn't fit you, makes you look silly, hangs loose in all the wrong places, even if it does match your skin color.....

ausmaxx

Okay, firstly Cajun... I think what you said was funny. We really can lighten up once and a while and laugh, even when the topic is seious. On ya Cajun!

By this, I mean no disrespect, its just okay to laugh.

The primary point to hand, your boyfriend has fantasies. You have his heart. Show him you can be one of his fantasies. In the flesh.

If it is trust you are assessing, consider he has opened up to you on this topic. There is significant measure in that gesture.

I reckon, trust him.

jason_els

Fantasies are healthy and normal. There's a frequent saying, "Just because I'm married doesn't mean I'm dead," usually used by guys to defend themselves when they're caught looking or fantasizing about others. The only time it should be a red flag is if it takes over the relationship between the two of you.

It may help to remind yourself that he's your boyfriend. He's decided to be with you, not the other guys he's looking at.

All of use are insecure in relationships at one point or another and when it doesn't pass, it can frequently be a sign of another unresolved underlying issue. Be careful of jealousy because unless the underlying issues are addressed, it can destroy the relationship.

Do you not ever fantasize about other people and what have you and your boyfriend decided about monogamy? Has he actually hinted that he'd like to play outside the relationship? How do you feel about him?

More importantly, how do you feel about yourself? Prolonged jealousy in one partner can mean you're feeling insecure about the relationship itself. What, other than the fantasies, might indicate that? Do you worry that you're not what he wants? Has he said or done anything to cause you to worry?

Take some time out by yourself, while alone, and run through your feelings about the relationship and yourself. Take a piece of paper, make two columns and write down in one column what you feel about yourself. It can be anything at all. Make note of the things you like and dislike about yourself and those strengths and weaknesses you and those who know you, think you possess. Do the same thing in the other column only in that one only write down what you yourself think about your boyfriend. What are his strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of when think of him?

Then compare the two columns and see how the two of you fit together. Look at yourself and him and see if you can find anything that's causing this worry. Share your results here if you like.

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -Bertrand Russell

retracted

How is what your boyfriend is doing any different to any kind of relationship (homosexual or otherwise)? Are you trying to bullshit us and say that you've never fantasized when you've seen a hot guy walked by? Don't make me laugh. Everyone fantasizes. It only becomes a problem when they choose to act on it. If you're going to get this bent out of shape just because your boyfriend fantasizes about guys he's never gonna meet much less lay a hand on then you're not cut out for relationships, kiddo. Leave it to the pros.

Stephenmass

As a gay guy myself, I can only say haven't you and your partner ever seen a hot guy walk by or in a magazine or something and you both say, man "he is fuckin hot!!".... In the back of your mind, or your b/f's, even if for a brief second, you may say to yourself, man I'd love to have him naked! Normal guy, perfectly normal.

DC_DEEP

I think you should relax.

Honestly, fantasizing is natural, normal, and usually harmless.

Are you telling us you never have fantasies? Actually, that's the red-flag.

It sounds like you are struggling to make your relationship be everything that you think everyone else thinks it should be, rather than just letting it be the best relationship for the two of you.

Yeah, that's a bit awkwardly worded, but read it a couple of times. You've been told all your life that when you find "the one," nothing else will ever tempt you, because "the one" fulfills every need/want/desire. That's not the real world, that's a Harlequin Romance.

Even if you are on a diet, you can still look at the menu (or in some cases, even have a sample.) Just don't eat the whole cake.

Lex

What DC and jason_els said.

Oprah: "Live your own truth. Life is too short."

Neo: I have these memories of my life--none of them happened. What does that mean?

Trinity: That the Matrix cannot tell you who you are.

"No, that is not fucking that; This is fucking THIS!!" --From Dusk Til Dawn

HyperHulk

That was hysterical and perfect.

Ok, I'm with the others on this. You need to leave the fantasies to be fantasies. My ex used to drive me nuts because I would mention if I thought someone was attractive or something. The ex would compare anyone I mentioned with himself and conclude that I really wanted to be with someone else. I would reply, if I did, I wouldn't be with you. Just because you get in a relationship doesn't mean your brain dies--ok, sometimes it does.

Those fights my ex caused, along with other silly arguments, did push me away from him. There was too much drama for drama's sake and I found myself defending myself over innocent things. It was more about my ex's insecurity than what was going on with me. So, in effect, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Focus on real issues and challenges with your bf. Leave the imaginary ones in imagination land where they belong. Manage your own insecurity and ask yourself, what is really threatening me in this relationship? Otherwise you may end up pushing him away.

cajun boy 8x6

apparently didnt notice it was addressed to him. hes as easy to read as a Dr Seuss book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when the levee gets full..........RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

cajun boy 8x6

gotta love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when the levee gets full..........RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

marleyisalegend

i realized who it was addressed to, my primary concern was the topic at hand, not somebody who uses fred durst in an avatar. seriously dude, was avril lavigne unavailable

......i don't wanna have to eat lettuce. those stupid bags of spring mix PISS ME OFF.....


i know you've taken to wearing your father's hand-me-down anger, but i wish that you wouldn't it's a few sizes too big and everyone can see it doesn't fit you, makes you look silly, hangs loose in all the wrong places, even if it does match your skin color.....