Question for the "Bisexuals"

I'm a married guy, new to the site, and, frankly, uncomfortable with my "interest", but this thread has prompted my first post.

As a boy of 4, I was introduced to sex by an older boy wanting to "show me something fun". I was curious and went along, enjoying the sensation of touching one another's penises. One day, his mother caught us, and that was the end of that.

I grew up believing I was perfectly heterosexual, only ever having crushes on girls, then dating, etc. I had sex exclusively with women until one alcohol-addled night in college, a friend and I shared a bed. He touched me and I touched him back, and something reptilian stirred in my libido. I loved the way his penis felt, and we carried on this way occasionally throughout my college years.

I put that away again and went on to marry, have children, and lead a normal heterosexual life. Except that I started watching some porn. I noticed that I was more interested in the cocks than the breasts and butts.

My wife and I still enjoy satisfying sex (although not as frequently as when we were younger) and I am deeply in love with her, but I find myself wanting the cock, and I really don't know what to do about it.

I am not entirely sure...

I still believe that most men are biologically capable of sexual activity with men... albeit more as a release of sexual tension than as an affection or emotional bond.

I believe that gay men actually feel more emotional pull toward other men... and that that would be the defining characteristic of being Gay.



I would be willing to venture a guess that the majority of "straight" males are born with something like a 90/10 orientation...

Thus, for many men, even with no exposure as a child, they will still have some small interest in male sexual contact or male sexual imagery.
These would be the males that, say, in prison, would be willing to fuck a guy in the ass, tho they probably would not take one.


I would guess that I was born with a 70/30 basic biological orientation.

The reason I guess that is that I have always been more sensitive than physical... less likely to get into fights, less into sports...
In part, I would guess that my somewhat stronger than average homosexual percentage played a part into my getting suckered into the molestation I experienced. I did not run screaming from a very inappropriate male only situation... I was intrigued and sexually curious enough to get caught up in it.

In retrospect I had to admit that I was not completely innocent in going into that room.
Of course... that could also just have been the intense sexual curiosity that comes form going to catholic school and a pretty oppressive sexual repression.....

Tho having some higher than average homosexual leanings certainly might have played a part in the fact that I so rapidly came to like it. I was only really forced twice. I was coerced a few more times... then I was just bribed for a while... but within a few months, if I am brutally honest with myself as a young boy, I was going back for the fun of it... for the thrill of the forbidden, for the fact that none of my friends were getting to have sex at all, ( I had a secret life ) for the cool factor of hanging out with the older boys....

( these lures are why molestation can be so common, and why those who fall prey can feel so very guilty about falling for them)


But again... I tend to feel it was mostly the imprinting of this experience because everything they did to me, is precisely the things that still turn me on today... the things that I fantasize about...

I am still a piss freak because they pissed on me.
But they never kissed me. They never even fondled me. I have no interest in a man sucking me, no interest in fucking a man... all things that never happened in my molestation...
But I love servicing some other guy... getting fucked by them... I fantasize about being anally raped because I was.

I suspect that if someone's early experience was friendly and fun related- like with a peer.... then their adult leaning will be to have friendly and fun sex with their peers.
If they checked out other boy's dick... they will be straight guys who check out other men's dicks.

But I have not seen, in 35 years, any "increase" in this interest in guys.
I am not any more drawn to guys than I was at 20.
Still have no interest in cuddling or kissing a guy... yet still would suck cock like I was starving for want of cum.

So, no I do not think that men who are 'bisexual' are kidding themselves... (eta- I think that once those brain regions are mapped as children... that this mapping does not change much as an adult... its permanent )

And I think you would be astonished to find out how many men... if my definition were the accepted one, would actually admit to bisexual urges.


Also... If we included all potentially sexuality modifying experiences from childhood under the same umbrella as molestation...
It would be hard to find men who had NOT had some kind of sexually defining experience as a child...


ETA- Again... I am not saying that this makes it okay... I am saying that it makes it fairly common... and that it may explain a lot about our sexual peculiarities as adults. Our guilts and our secret urges.

You are married... do not do anything about it.

Simply come to grips with the fact that this really is just a brain structure that makes you respond sexually to certain ideas and imagery.

Get comfortable with it because it is there and not going away...

Indulge your fantasies, AS fantasies.... enjoy the porn that get you off...
It does not have to happen in real life.


Maybe talk with your wife if you think she would be accepting... I had a woman for a while there that was happy to strap one one for my pleasure...


But do not risk a loving relationship for something that is essentially on a par with a recurring dream.

Its a habit of thought... nothing more... it does not own you anymore than the ideas in a book on your shelf... that you can read whenever you please...
or, as easily, put away.

Aside from a few fbuds, no one knows that I'm on lpsg. Seldom look at gallery pics and certainly don't drool over any. First experience with other guys was my freshman year in college. Have told that story before so there's no need to repeat it. By nature, I've always been an unhibited exhibitionist tho a closeted bi-sexual and that's not likely to change.

For me it's a sliding scale but I will ALWAYS be over 50% gay. Am I bi? Well I do find women attractive and there are things about sex with a woman I really enjoy a LOT... in fact some things I do enjoy (or are more pleasurable) than with men. BUT my lust, attraction, raw zoom zoom, the thing that gets my attention is a man.

I was married for 10 years and she brought in a BF that we shared for the last 4 years. Sadly when he moved on she found another who was only interested in her and things went their separate ways. But I could see having something with a woman again but I think only in addition to, not instead of a man.

For ME... I assume the reason bi-guys don't usually have a girlfriend on the side is that for men you can more readily have the sex for sex sake. And if the attraction for men is higher than for women it's probably not enough to risk an encounter with a woman if it's done on the sly. With guys it's FAR easier to "cheat" with... I mean all of this is generalizations and not meant to speak for anyone.

Zottig
Grand Rapids, MI

Phil,

This is probably very good advice, but not really *satisfying* is it, Nooby? Certainly not to me. Sure I know I'm married and should not play around. I already know the rules, but I'd like some fun to be had, at SOME point. I'm bi, but I totally would be into not only a sexual but also an emotional relationship with another guy. I already have that with a female, I want it with a male, and if I'm honest, I'd like it in addition to my current marriage. But I'm apparently somewhat emotionally stunted - I don't have any male friends with which to bond in even a non-sexual way. I find myself longing for something more almost all the time.

My question is - is it harder to just 'put that book away & read it whenever you like' when your desires are emotional as well as sexual?

I can speak to this... I "came out" to myself 5 years into my marriage. My wife was bi and being a florist she had lots of gay friends. When I went through a bout of depression I realized I had subconsciously been struggling with it for a long time. I felt I had to tell her though had no intent on doing anything about it. She was not shocked. She knew before I did, before we got married even. She didn't mind at all. She in fact had a friend who eventually came to live with us and was OUR boyfriend for 4 years. It was great to have that physical AS WELL as emotional connection with both.

Sadly those days are over but while they existed they were REALLY nice.

I don't expect it to happen again, but it's not impossible. But it might be in your situation. My ex wife was far more accepting of the polyamory idea than even I am.

Zottig

I've been attracted to both sexes for about 10 years (I'm 22 now) and I recently told my Mum in a round-about way, she was cool with it, but I haven't told my Dad because he would have me kicked out of the house.

I've only ever kissed a mate and given a blowjob once when I was drunk but nothing else and I would like to have a girlfriend/boyfriend but my confidence has been knocked somewhat and so I've been single ever since I was 10.

One day everything will be OK, even if I have to keep my relationship low-key.

I've always considered myself a latent-bi. My two experiences with women happened in my mid-twenties, long after I came out gay at the age of 17.

Part of my motivation was curiosity about pussy. Part was my abiding lust for female breasts. I've also always been one to push his boundaries and try to expand my limits.

But I found few women who were truly interested in sex as play: they seemed much more interested in using sex as a way of cementing an emotional commitment, the kind of commitment I had no interest in pursuing with a woman. I am much more interested in connecting emotionally with men.

Who knows how different my life would have been if I'd found a really freaky woman with the right combination of body, attitude and intellect?

And, FWIW, I prefer men who are smaller than I and of medium-to-darker complexions: think Latinos. But I am attracted to taller, athletic, fair women: think German or Scandinavian: not fat, but sturdy.

I've admitted to myself about 20 years ago that I am bisexual. When I was around 10, my male best friend and I started doing that 'do you have any hair yet' comparison thing. Then funny, we both had older male cousins who introduced us to masterbation which we then started doing with each other. So from age 10 to 15, we had a good sex life of a lot of oral and masterbation. Then life happens and we both moved on. We did continue to 'hook up' occasionally from 15 to 19, then we both got married and I moved across the map. Years later we got back together, talked about things and still felt the same and had a few nice reunions.
My first wife knew I was bi and encouraged it, but never met anyone to act it out. She on the other hand, had plenty of other guys, but that wasn't totally the reason for the divorce. My current wife does not know my inner feelings but that's okay, I'm happy with the way things are.
I've always found myself highly attracted to 'shemales', especially the extremely attractive ones. I've never been really attracted to 'men', or found them attractive, unless there was a very feminine quality to them. That's my story and two cents.

Ditto Me too. Good Times my friend!

I think if the word "bisexual" is perpetually placed in quotation marks, then it continues to be treated as if it's something that really doesn't exist -- like it's a figment of people's sexual imagination or something. I think it has its own nuances that makes it a little more difficult to understand than heterosexuality or homosexuality, but it's also pretty cool to read some accounts of some members here who seem pretty cool and chill about it.

Wherever you are on the continuum, if you just like who you like and enjoy it for what it's worth, then the hangups simply become unnecessary.

I just think it's kinda neat to fraternize with other big cocks. Not because I want to do anything with them. It's just cool to have something exceedingly rare in common, and to not feel so freakish.

Based on what you describe, I would say you are more congenitally bisexual... or had a far more affection oriented homosexual experience as a child.

I do think it is much harder when its not only a connection from your brain to your dick.... but also a connection from your brain to your heart.

That is a different kind of yearning than mere sexual tension.


But, I would point out that most people fully expect sexual exclusivity out of a relationship.

It would be dishonorable to engage in homosexual liaisons without your woman's knowledge and consent. Not only because of the obvious health risks involved... but also simply because they have a right to that expectation.


In your situation you , also might want to broach the subject with your woman and try a see how open she it to the idea. I know of only one couple that successfully integrated a husband's homosexual needs into their relationship... and that worked because they found ONE guy who both the husband and wife really had feelings for... and also because the wife happened to be hugely turned on by gay male sex.

But if it is something your woman can not be part of.... then you may be faced with a very hard decision.

Only you can determine if this yearning is important enough to sacrifice relations with women... or to try and spend years, and likely fail, to find both a woman and a man who are okay with a 3 way relationship.


But whatever you do... I would always counsel to do honorably and honestly.

This is funny... I think for a lot of guys like us its not so much the "shemales" we are attracted to, but the idea of one...

That is... that we want the woman for her beauty and her nature and her companionship... and we want the cock for sex.

If there really were such a thing as a real woman...just like the women we love, with a 9 inch cock for a clitoris.... that would be the best of both worlds...