Son Looking. How should I handle it?

Recently my 14 year old son came out to spend a couple of weeks with me during Easter break. We were taking a road trip one day and stopped to go to use the rest room. While I was using the restroom I glanced over and saw my son obviously staring at my dick. I chose to ignore the situation and finished my business. A few days later we were showering together after swimming at the gym and I caught him staring at me again. After we left I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk to me about and got no response. I've always been very open about sex with him and nudity is quite common around my home; we showered together up until he was eight or nine. He started puberty quite young and we had a couple of great talks about the changes taking place and becoming a man so these are things he is quite comfortable discussing and things we have talked about in the past.

He's coming out to spend the summer with me. I don't want to make an issue of this but I wondering what is the best way to handle my concern about this change in behavior. Has anyone else encountered a similar situation?

I'm no authority, being childless, and not being a psychiatrist, but I would imagine this is probably totally normal behavior for an adolescent boy. We all remember the anxiety that's part of that age...I remember really focussing on older boys' and mens' bodies in the jr high achool and pool locker room -- largely b/c I wanted to see what I could expect to look like in a few years' time. Might be some risk in making him feel there was anything wrong with him.

This is the part I'd like to respond to because, of everything you wrote, it's the most relevant. As you noted, what you may want to manage is your own concern over this, rather than what your son is thinking about or going through. It seems to me that your concern over this may be a bit disproportional to the situation. Your son isn't going through some crisis, nothing major is happening here--you didn't catch him with drugs or lying. Virtually every 100% straight guy here defends his looking at cocks as "just the thing men do--compare". So it would seem that what you're son is doing is normal and natural, but really, does it matter? This isn't something that needs to raise your red flags.

You've done the important stuff. You've communicated an openness to discuss sexual issues with your son. This really is about you now and not him. I'm sure you think about cock a bit and you look at other guys, you also come here, so cock is something that is part of your life. Because you are hyper aware of cock, you may project that awareness onto others when it's not really there for them. So, if you want to manage these issues, remind yourself, this is my anxiety, not my son's. Trust in the work that you've done as a parent to let your son come to you when he's ready to discuss the things he wants to. Try not to raise the threat level for every bit of his behavior. With teenagers you have to pick your battles, let them do their thing and discover who they are without judgment. By confronting him with your anxiety you run the risk making him question himself about something he thought was innocent (Dad's worried, should I be?) Lastly, tell your son every day how much you love him and are proud of him--I'm sure you do this but I know that most guys don't hear this enough from their fathers and that's really all they want to hear and know.

Eight is a little old to be taking showers together, isn't it? I stopped taking showers with my Mom when I was like two or three and asked what "that" was, hahaha.

But anyway, family counseling would be a good thing if there are communication and boundary issues.

I'm not so sure about that. I felt physically sick the first time I saw an adult penis.

I could well be the odd one, though.

It doesn't sound like anything to worry about. Curiosity is pretty normal, especially since he is moving along in puberty. I'm guessing he is kind of using you a a gauge to see what he has to look forward to when he gets older. If you are well endowed, that would probably draw his attention. There is a lot going on in the teenage mind and sometimes, its best not to pry. If your relationship is really open, he might talk to you about it but I wouldn't start up that conversation because chances are he wouldn't admit to it. Have you noticed him staring at anybody else or just you? The penis can be fascinating and while many might consider it rude to stare, its pretty natural.

I'd agree. I remember being a teenager and worrying whether I was developing "normally." He might just be checking to see if he looks "right." I remember having a lot of anxiety about that. I also remember wondering a lot if I was just too small, and eventually found out I am on the large side. Do you think he could just be dealing with normal adolescent anxiety and trying to compare? Perhaps if that's the issue and you tried to get him to talk about it, he might be feeling too embarrassed to talk about it. . .? Perhaps if he keeps doing it, you could gently ask him that very question, but gently; and if that IS the problem, maybe he'd say so with a more direct approach. If that's not the problem, I'd guess there'd be no harm done if you ask in a kind way.

At 14 i was well into jacking off and remember always seeing my age guys cocks.....then when i finally went to a airport restroom once, i saw what a grown cock looked like and more. the urinals were all in a row and there were so many different sizes that i was confused. i was the only child and big for my age so i started to go to adult bookstores and had friends there that showed me and told me of SIZE. i think as a father you need to talk before he goes the way of the world....which will teach him a different way.

Thanks your advice is good. He is quite large for his age--nearly as large as I am. He had anxiety in the past about being too large from all the teasing he took in the locker room. As I stated in my original post, he started developing quite young so he is on the fast track there.

I'm divorced now, but I remember when my boys were around 5 or so, they walked into the bathroom where my husband was naked. I remember one of them asked him, "Daddy, How come your peepee is so big?" LOL

It wasn't... but compared to them at the time, of course it was. So even at that young age, they are just curious and comparing. I'm sure that's all he is doing as well.

continue to be a good guide, parent and friend.

He Is Normal.

Ignore it, Starboy, and enjoy your summer together.

It's normal for a boy that age to be curious about other males, and considering you yourself have homosexual tendencies, the apple may not fall far from the tree. Don't worry about it. fact is he's probably "sizing you up" as a gauge to see how much he might grow. kids that age are just as worried about size as we adults are.

To be honest my penis fascination started pretty young myself, so I can actually sort of relate.. but on the other hand my parents, naked, has and probably always will freak me out.

So, I don't actually have any advice but I think it's just natural and you probably shouldn't do anything about it unless it goes on forever.