i'm working on a gay urban novel, check it out

marleyisalegend · 04-10-2008

okay i've been writing since the age of 12, mostly songs and poetry. glad to say i'm FINALLY hard at work on my first novel, it's a youthful gay fiction about a young (straight) man in his last year of high school. typical jock, girlfriend he's planning to marry and follow to california to attend college. long story short he starts hangin out with a gay dude and has to choose between the nice, normal life that's already set for him and discovering his homosexual desires. there's plenty of drama, sex, drama, sex, oh yeah and somewhere in there is the journey of becoming gay (none of us woke up this way, realize it or not it's a process full of difficult decisions, soul-searching, and LOTS of lube

). anyway if you guys are interested i can start posting some excerpts in here

lpsg4t · 04-10-2008

im interested

RedScrotum · 04-10-2008

please do

marleyisalegend · 04-11-2008

here's an excerpt from chapter 4, lemme know whatcha think

There wasn’t any better form of entertainment for two young brothers smoking than music. We blazed through videos by Young Jeezy, R. Kelly, Lil Boosie and Common. By the time Soulja Boy came on we was gettin’ crunk. I was rockin’ on the couch but Julian got up to do the whole "crank that" dance right in front of the tv. "Nigga get ya ass from in front of the t.v., I’m tryin’ to see this shit." I was into the video and this dude was fucking with my high. I stood up and succumb to the reefer flowing through my system, overpowered by the song blasting out of Julian’s side-speakers. We went all out on the last chorus, throwing our arms around and snapping and popping so hard I almost dropped the blunt, Julian did drop his. "Party foul my nigga!" I shouted out over the loud music and snatched it up off the ground before he realized he had dropped it. The video ended and Julian sat down on the couch, I dropped down onto the love seat, still puffing on those blunts. "That was a serious party foul offense, damnit. You ain’t hittin ’ these again" I said with a laugh, taking in another long drag from both at the same time. "Screw that" he said, and before I knew what was going on this crazy fool had lept up from the couch. In half a second Julian was on my lap trying to wrestle one of the blunts out of my grip. He strained to keep up but my hands were too quick, and his high ass could barely follow my movements. I relaxed my fingers and let him snatch one of the blunts, half from wanting to share the wealth, half from feeling slightly uncomfortable that a gay dude was straddling me like a rodeo. He went back to the other couch and we smoked those blunts down to little stubs. I don’t remember who had the brilliant idea of going to the gas station at four in the morning, but Julian did say that it was only six blocks up the street and we were both hungry something serious. My head was swirling and my stomach was growling, one look at Julian and I could tell he was in the same shape. "Are you good to walk that far? Six blocks?" I asked. He told me that he was up for it and that we didn’t have much of a choice, he was craving some chips, cookies, pop tarts, fruit punch, Arizona tea, and Chef Boyardee beef noodles. As for myself I was definitely jonesin’ for a peanut butter sandwich, some Lucky Charms and a pack of Lemonheads, the green ones too. I waited in the living room while he threw on a hoodie and some jeans. We were both still high off our asses by the time we were out the door. In twenty minutes we were browsing the Shell station under the watchful eye of the Arab at the counter. We made it out without incident, bulging bags stuffed under each arm. We were fine on the way back until a pitbull quietly crept up from behind the third house from the station and without warning I felt a tug at my back pocket. Just in case I didn’t get what was going on, Julian yelled out "pit!" With that one word we were off like thieves in the night, tearing through front yards, dodging trash bins and leaping over lawn chairs like Olympic champs. Even with his leg still being taped up Julian managed to get ahead of me and I ran the distance of those six blocks in the blink of an eye. By the time we made it back to his apartment I felt like my heart had dropped down into my stomach and was gasping for oxygen. We collapsed into the chairs in his kitchen and after a few seconds of silence just burst into laughter.

ChockoKittie · 1 Week Ago

Hmm, just my opinion, but I do not think this works as a stand alone excerpt.

Maybe if there was something sexual or like a detailed flashback of his first awareness of a growing attraction to men? Just a thought. :)

dumbcow · 1 Week Ago

I think it sounds pretty good

marleyisalegend · 1 Week Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChockoKittie

Hmm, just my opinion, but I do not think this works as a stand alone excerpt.

Maybe if there was something sexual or like a detailed flashback of his first awareness of a growing attraction to men? Just a thought. :)

good point but slowdown your horndog you, lol, i'm gettin there. the main character has been straight his whole life and a few chapters into the book develops a curiosity towards other men

marleyisalegend · 1 Week Ago

Chapter 5 ending

"Hand me that Vonetta Flowers picture" he demanded without sounding demanding or looking up from the paper. While I flipped through the cd booklet He continued drawing at a frantic pace and in my elevated state of mind I found myself entranced in the rhythm, broken when he finally set his pencil down and surveyed his piece. He faced it towards me and it didn't take long to realize he had sketched a copy of Vonetta Flowers. I was impressed by the detail and precision of the drawing. Julian got up and set next to me on the bed so I could get a better view. "Julian man, this is really good. How long you been drawin'?" "Since I was a kid. My father was into architecture, and he taught me how to draw. For my nineth birthday he got me a camera, an old-school polaroid. I've been into photography and art ever since." I grinned, "you ever pick up a basketball?" I asked though I was sure I already knew the answer. "No, not really. I was never big on sports or anything. I watch it sometimes but I haven't played since I was about eleven or twelve. If you want to shoot around for fun that's cool, I feel like doing something active." The weed must've been good because it wasn't until we got up that I noticed my hand was on his leg. He paid it no mind, and went into the bathroom to change into the Nike shorts I got out of my drawer. He didn't bother closing the door and my mind was so twisted I had to catch myself from watching him undress, though I couldn't help but notice the big bubble sticking out of the back of his boxers. "Nigga you might wanna hit the gym" I told him when he walked out of the bathroom. He gave me the most puzzled look I'd ever seen on his face. "Huh?" he asked. "Nothing nigga, let's go." It wasn't until we made it to his car that I realized I still had a two more blunts rolled up on the dresser, Julian must've read my mind. "Look at your high self, about to forget those L's" he teased. I ran upstairs and grabbed them, holding them carefully so they wouldn't break. On my way out I stopped in the kitchen and grabbed two sodas. Julian might not be any good but I needed some excercise so I was planning on working up a sweat. We smoked the first blunt on the ride to the court, and by the time we got there I was pumped and ready to put it down on the court. As soon as we stepped out the car I did a fast dribble up to the net and hooked a reverse slam-dunk. Julian applauded as I walked up. I recovered the ball and passed it to him. "Let's see what you got baby" I taunted, backing up to get ready for the rebound in case he missed it. What happened next caught me way off guard and had my jaw dragging on the pavement. His phone rang and he answered it, so with one hand holding the phone to his ear he used the other one to send a 3-pointer flying into the net without any kind of effort. The ball bounced right passed me, I was too busy wondering how an "amateur" made a shot like that. Julian hung up the phone and held his hands up. I tossed him the ball and he made another four consecutive three-pointers in a row. "Amateur huh?" I said. "I lied" he shot back, and before you know it we were in a serious one-on-one. If his leg was still hurting you couldn't tell by the way he was playing. Thirty minutes later I had the lead fourty-six to fourty-four and it was all I could do to stay ahead, Julian was certainly putting up a fight with some mean defense. I tossed my sweat-soaked shirt onto the bench and took a sip of my soda. That cooling off was all I needed and I returned to light the court on fire. Julian made the next two shots but by the time we were dog tired I had him beat fifty-seven to fifty-one. He grabbed some towels out his trunk and we wiped ourselves off and finished our sodas. I couldn't help but notice Julian was staring at me as I wiped the perspiration off my chest, but I was too tired to give a damn. Long as he didn't try anything funny he could look all he wants, I mean this is me we're talking about. We were so exhausted that the entire ride home you could've heard a pin drop in Julian's car. Basketball always makes me hungry so we stopped and grabbed some McDonald's to take to the crib. When we got back to Auntie A's house I plowed through two double-cheeseburgers, a large fry and some chicken fingers. Full beyond belief I crashed onto the bed, stretched out and started fiddling with the last blunt. "I guess I should be headed home, it's kind of late and I'm worn out" Julian said. I was really enjoying his company though and for some reason I wanted him to stick around a little while longer. "You sure you don't wanna help me burn through this last one?" I waved it in the air in front of him for a few seconds and he just smiled his million-dollar smile. He took a seat at the foot of the bed and I let him spark it up. I didn't know how tired I was until that weed started kicking in, I covered my face with my fitted and asked Julian to turn on the radio. He stretched out across the bed to reach the night-stand and turned it to Hip-Hop 97 FM. At this point we were laying inches away from each other and if i wasn't so beat I would've gotten up and sat at my desk. We passed the blunt back and forth a few times until the roach singed my fingertips. I handed it to Julian to put out on the ashtray and before the last of the smoke had cleared from the air I was knocked out.

be patient guys the good stuff is coming soon. tremaine doesn't immediately identify and feel comfortable with his homosexual desires, it takes him awhile to accept them as "normal". and don't worry, pot doesn't show up in every chapter, the main character quits soon but thats another chapter for another day

ChockoKittie · 1 Week Ago

I am a horny bitch...

This is better! Still not stand alone, as it needs something of a hook to pull the reader in and make us (me) want more.

Anyway, I would make it more accessible to a variety of readers. For example, I would change Vonetta Flowers into a more well known figure, limit the drug use, and maybe change the language a bit? Of course, you could always say "I don't want your input, ho!". If so, I'll shut up and wait until it gets to the sex. ;)

marleyisalegend · 1 Week Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChockoKittie

I am a horny bitch...

This is better! Still not stand alone, as it needs something of a hook to pull the reader in and make us (me) want more.

Anyway, I would make it more accessible to a variety of readers. For example, I would change Vonetta Flowers into a more well known figure, limit the drug use, and maybe change the language a bit? Of course, you could always say "I don't want your input, ho!". If so, I'll shut up and wait until it gets to the sex. ;)

no, your input is appreciated but i only threw pot in there cuz A) i love it B) its one of the most common denomenators throughout humanity (everybody smokes, gay, straight, black, white, male, female, etc..)

also it comes into play because the main character who is usually uptight about homosexuality loses some of his inhibitions when he's smoking with his gay friends, hence the heavy presence in the beginning. it does end pretty soon but if i tell ya why that might ruin it so i'll keep that under wraps for now. but the pot is significant to the story in the sense that it takes a drug for the main character to ease his tension about his developing gay desires. actually i appreciate that out of the 400 or so people who have read it, you're taking the time to comment. i used vonetta flowers because i felt like using a more obscure name would make the character seem more authentically into sports than going with one of the expected names, EVERYBODY knows jordan, tiger woods, etc... in other words, everybody knows mariah, whitney, elvis, etc... but REAL music afficionados know about gillespie, tatum, blind willie jefferson, etc... as far as the language, that comes from my own character. tremaine is a combination of me and some of my gay friends, and one thing we all have in common is our dirty mouths. i know its not pretty or easy on the ears but its the reality of some people's language. i also wanted to tackle some of the prejudices people face. because of his poor language, one might assume that tremaine is uneducated but you'll see in future chapters that he's actually a very bright young man (there's also a chapter set in his spanish class where he speaks to the teacher entirely in spanish) who just has a foul mouth. i did try to balance that, i can't remember if i've introduced priscilla yet but she's another main character who actually doesn't curse at all. julian (tremaine's love interest) does curse but only sporadically as he was raised in a strict household and is a reflection of the more well-spoken bruthas. i'm trying to make sure that when i write julian's dialogue, not only does he curse rarely, he actually speaks pretty articulately. i hope i'm doing a fair job representing everybody, the foul mouth and the well-educated. once again, thanks for taking the time to comment (even if you don't, thanks for taking the time to read and i hope i'm not disappointing).

crescendo69 · 1 Week Ago

I like it, so far. It held my interest, and the writing is excellent.

marleyisalegend · 1 Week Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by crescendo69

I like it, so far. It held my interest, and the writing is excellent.

thanks. there's plenty of drama and sex, and more sex, to come. i'll just remind you that the main character is a senior in high-school so you know his hormones are in the driver's seat!!! i'm trying to keep the story light, but balance it with some realities of homosexuality, the self-doubt, homophobia, etc...

ChockoKittie · 1 Week Ago

I think for some Vonetta Flowers would be a total stop reading and google moment.. hell, I did it. :)

Maybe if it were someone like, a famous ball player the friend was sketching and then your main character lingered over it a minute? Telling the friend how good the drawing was, but privately admiring how attractive the athlete was?

I like the mix of characters, but their introduction and development could use more imagery or other literary devices. Tennessee Williams does this so well - introduces a character by basically giving away a hint to their future actions. Like Tom in Glass Menagerie, his first sentence is "I've got tricks in my pocket and things up my sleeve", or something like that, but Williams is basically signaling that Tom is up to something - a kind of wink to his final move.

You can also draw a connection between one character and a famous person ("this brother had lips sweeter than LL" or something). Also, no need to hold back so much with the main character being gay. Even though it is a realization he comes to later, certainly he'll have a lot of moments where he catches himself looking at friends or other men's bodies in a sexual manner.

Like the shorts moment was good! Or when his friend was straddling his lap, in his mind he could struggle with wanting to touch him.

I look forward to reading more!

marleyisalegend · 1 Week Ago

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChockoKittie

I think for some Vonetta Flowers would be a total stop reading and google moment.. hell, I did it. :)

Maybe if it were someone like, a famous ball player the friend was sketching and then your main character lingered over it a minute? Telling the friend how good the drawing was, but privately admiring how attractive the athlete was?

I like the mix of characters, but their introduction and development could use more imagery or other literary devices. Tennessee Williams does this so well - introduces a character by basically giving away a hint to their future actions. Like Tom in Glass Menagerie, his first sentence is "I've got tricks in my pocket and things up my sleeve", or something like that, but Williams is basically signaling that Tom is up to something - a kind of wink to his final move.

You can also draw a connection between one character and a famous person ("this brother had lips sweeter than LL" or something). Also, no need to hold back so much with the main character being gay. Even though it is a realization he comes to later, certainly he'll have a lot of moments where he catches himself looking at friends or other men's bodies in a sexual manner.

Like the shorts moment was good! Or when his friend was straddling his lap, in his mind he could struggle with wanting to touch him.

I look forward to reading more!

thanks again for the comments, i'm certainly considering them. i guess the reason i held back at first is i wanted to emphasize that these desires he's having are new, he doesn't have any gay thoughts until a few chapters into the book. you're right though, i'm trying to space it out and make it seem like more of a process than just waking up one day and saying 'hey, i'm gay'. at first, the main character doesn't even acknowledge his attraction to men, seconds after commenting on a guy's ass he'll insist that he's gay

Nick4444 · 1 Week Ago

this is actually quite good .. good flow, and maintaining, piquing interest

more, please