How to deal with being a 31-year-old male virgin

spunkyboy2008

That's great, I'm glad to hear it! I'm not sure about what to suggest for pumping yourself up mentally. Maybe you should take things a little slowly at first? If you don't want to or just in case, it might be a good idea to masturbate a few hours before (say at lunchtime or in the morning if you're meeting her in the evening) if you are worried about the excitement making you cum early. Sorry if that's not a concern for you, but I've found it helps!

dolfette

told you so.

*smug git*

piratebulldog

I was really impressed with the posts of some of the men and women who responded to your situation. I just want to affirm that it is not the idea of being a virgin but the idea of being a confident, adult man. Women who are confident in themselves would NOT be turned off by the fact that you are a virgin once they knew the situation that you had with your exwife. They would want to be reassured that you do not bring a lot of sexual baggage and insecurity. I don't think it necessary for you to share this whole thing with them on the first date but as you progress they have the right and you have the responsibility to let them know enough of your past. Good luck to you. I expect that you will make a woman a very good boyfriend, lover and husband. Now go out and get her. She is out there!

galaxus

I don't know what to say man. I'm a virgin aproching 20. I really just want to hahve sex just to get it over with. It seems like I'm late for somthing or missing out.

MCA

Not that I am having your experience at all, but I feel for you, bro, and I want to help. I've realized in my life that when I try the least hard I do the best sexually. When I try too hard, I act all strange. When I don't give a fuck, I get laid. The old quote that girls love jerks seems true sometimes, too.


I want to write like 20 paragraphs about this since I've had a few beers, and I tend to get loquacious, but I won't.

If I was 31 and hadn't gotten laid, I might think about just going to Amsterdam and looking for the top-notch hookers and just have enough money on hand to get a girl for a weekend. Tell them to be honest with you (while still having sex) and just hang out with a beautiful woman for a weekend, having as much sex as possible, going to dinner, etc., all the things you would do in a functional relationship with a crazy-hot girl.

Some people might think that this is fucked up, but I believe that once you get a taste for this sort of thing, an intelligent, heterosexual male will be able to learn and grow from this experience. It can't hurt you (as long as you wear a condom). Get over the hump, bro. Move on. Sex is great, but it shouldn't define your life. Get some and reclaim yourself.

You don't have to anything this intense, but I bet it would work.

8.25x6.75=The perfect size! (21.6x17.1 cm to those of you international ladies.)

bguy

On Saturday night, I met the woman I'd been communicating with for about two weeks. The evening was really nice, although a bit awkward due to first meeting nervousness. After we went back to her place she pretty much jumped me as she had predicted. Things moved really fast and she wanted me to put it in her. That's when she felt me and said 'Oh my god, you're huge' but also 'You're not hard,' because I was only half-erect at that time. She started to give me a blowjob and I just went completely limp. She asked if she was doing something wrong and I assured her she wasn't doing anything wrong, that it was just nervousness on my part. She did get a very satisfying orgasm and said she had never been as wet as she was that night. But she felt bad that I didn't receive any pleasure and I felt bad that I couldn't get it up. After I left the next morning, she continued to text and call me, worried about how I was doing, telling me how wonderful the evening was for her, hoping I wasn't upset.

I don't know if my problem was mental (all the baggage from my ex-wife, etc.) or physical (need to see a doctor?), but I suspect that part of the problem for me was that she was heavier than I expected, so I wasn't turned on by her naked body. I don't want to say that to her, of course, because I think it would be incredibly painful for her.

We have been in contact daily and she very much wants us to continue a sexual relationship. But I'm afraid that I simply won't be able to get it up with her and I'm going to hurt her feelings even more in that regard. On the other hand, I know it'll hurt her feelings if I break things off. The rollercoaster continues...

dolfette

if you get erect when you wank alone then it's not physical.

LOADS of guys get nervous the first time with a new partner. i've had experienced men unable to get erect, just through nerves, fear of failure, pressure to perform etc.

it happens! the more you fret, the more likely it is to happen.

she obviously really likes you, so relax, close your eyes, just think about the feelings and enjoy. it'll work out as soon as you start feeling comfortable.

you'll be fine

luke nutley

It's really fucked up that someone would marry someone and then not have sex with them.

I can't help but think she's either assexual or a lesbian (and only married you in order to make her parents happy or whatever).

I just can't imagine someone marrying and then not having sex for seven years.

That's fucked up.

If you want to get laid, go to a bar. Or, if you think you might embarrass yourself because you haven't done it before at your age, you could hire a hooker.

Ed69

It sounds like a little of all three "Nerves,baggage and her body type."Nerves and baggage I know about,I was a 22 year old virgin.1)Having sex outside of marriage is a big nono in my family 2)It was my first time.But there was no way I was passing up the invitation to come to her bedroom!The first 2 tries failed I lost my erection.She said "It's ok just hold me."Later that night when I relaxed everything worked fine.I can't say anything about the body type issue.I like women of all shapes and sizes unless it's something extreme.

Good luck!Keep us updated.

P.S.We've been married 17 years since that night.So don't give up!

niceguy0107312

First post. I just wanted to affirm what the others said about being confident in yourself and your decisions. Don't let others define who or what you are. I'm really sorry to hear what happened with your first marriage -- I'm surprised you stuck it out that long.

I decided to save myself -- all of it -- for marriage, but it took me until I was 31 to find a wife. I've been married a couple decades now. Sex is awesome, it was well worth the wait, though I had a really hard time believing that when I was waiting. We have a very satisfying sex life, and still go at it once or twice a day after all these years. Most importantly, though, we're totally into each other, body and soul, with love, lust, and respect.

Hoping you find something exciting, fulfilling, and full of love.

mem0101

A divorced virgin...you learn something new every day..good luck.

Am i the happy loss
Will i still recoil
When the skin is lost
Spare us the cutter
When routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow
And we're changing our ways,
Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again
And I’ve got this idea, I’m a foreign correspondent
And I hear the lines are all engaged
But that’s love, love, love, love, love that it is

jason_els

No joke, this is where I'd go for the prostitute. Here's why:

• Professionals are expert at getting you to relax and enjoy the experience.
• There's no pressure to perform because she's there to focus on you and you alone.
• At 8x6 you're not too big for most women, but vagina size doesn't correlate to body type or size. Even if a woman is very wet, she may need time to accommodate you and a prostitute can teach you how to take things slowly.
• The pressure of being a virgin will be gone. It's one more issue out of your head.
• She can teach you things to do with your cock that will please women enormously.
• You will be able to control the experience after years of not being in control. You will be able to initiate sex and do what you want, how you want, and that should translate into confidence. Confidence is important in a bedroom. People like confident partners because they make exciting lovers.
• You can choose from a number of ladies based upon whatever criteria you decide. If a lady's appearance doesn't float your boat, you can choose one who does. I highly suggest discussing your particular issue with the madame so she can help guide you to the best lady for your needs.

Yes, I've been to Nevada and I actually like it. The ranches are nice and very welcoming. They put you right at ease. You can hang out for hours, have a drink at the bar, or get right down to business. The girls are all tested regularly for STDs though you will be expected to use a condom.

Give it some consideration. I think it might be helpful.

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -Bertrand Russell

Adam8613

dude, go meet stacy out in LA right fuckin now! OR, get drunk and fuck whatever comes your way, blunt, yes, but hey!!!!!! sometimes i'm amazed by ppl. who see sex as something 'magical' (no offense).

niceguy0107312

No offense taken, but it was kind of rude anyway. You shouldn't try to make him feel badly, either by trying to make him think your way, or by saying that he sees sex as something "magical."

To some of us, sex is a very personal expression of our deepest relational feelings, and not a sport. That was the primary reason why I said it was well worth the wait. If you disagree, then fine. But I have a better sex life than almost anyone I know, and none of the entanglements, regrets, or diseases that come with sportf**king.

But I wish you well.