Wife hates sex

edman

Yeah, we were going out for about 3 yrs before getting married, but says I'm bigger than any of her ex's.
We went to counselling and they recommended dilating, which went ok, but i'm slightly bigger (thicker) than the biggest one and thats what terrifies her.
She likes foreplay and when she cums, she wants it to end there. She gets mad when I suggest that I too would like some pleasure.
The tension is driving me insane!

kadtxgrl

From the way you describe her.....she sounds selfish and self centered. And it also sounds like someone has spoilt her (always let her have her way) and she thinks that is just the way it is and will always be.

What I suggest is that you tell her your not happy......this marriage is not a one way street......it has to be a two way street. Ya'll need to continue in marriage counseling......she needs to continue on the dilating and making progress with it.....and until normal sexual intercourse relationship can resume.......there needs to be other sexual contact going on. I don't think a once a week hand job or a blow job is too much to ask for......if she isn't going to have sexual intercourse with you.

Of course all this has to be negociated with your wife........but I would think that if she truly loved you......she wouldn't want you to be insane with sexual tension.

My opinion of course.

Hippie Hollow girl.

marlin

I had the same problem for years. My wife was on birth control. It was very powerful and she lost all sex drive and it made her vagina very dry ( painful sex). she changed pills and that changed everything. I don't know if this is your case, but it can be a real thing!!

iloveoral1985

maybe she should look around on here for a while I know my husband loves that I look at all the guys on here because he's gettin it the first chance we get I just have to spend time looking at Loads pics and i'm ready!

edman

Her sexdrive is so non-existent that she doesn't even entertain the idea of anything sexual, let alone images of penises.
I once suggested couple friendly erotic movies, but she squirmed all the way through the sexual scenes.
Its got to the stage where if offered, I would go elsewhere for sex.

Hellboy0

Folk, I got ya'll beat. My partner and I have been together for over 14 years. Everything about our life together is fucking awesome...except the fucking which ain't. I mean, it ain't happening, or at least hasn't in the past 7 years.

I know folks change and relationships shift but come on. What the hell is this about? Have tried to talk about it and the best response I get is "I don't know". I want him to seek some help to find out why this is going on but he says "I don't need to see a psych", which really just means he's happy to keep his head in the sand.

Don't even suggest I leave him. It's not going to happen...this is a fixable sitch. However the biggest problem is my massive sex drive...there is only so much wanking one guy can do. And trust me, I've done a lot of it in the past.

Now I take care of my "business" as I need to, in a discreet, safe fashion (we got this don't ask-don't tell protocol similar to the US military). But it's not the option I'm keen to continue until I move off this mortal plane. I certainly don't want to put my very hot bod and fat cock on ice just when I got my groove back. So a couple suggestions to the poster of this thread would probably help me too.

BTW, this is a pretty sensitive subject that I've opened myself up for and I'd appreciate it if you either ignore me or be nice. But not mean, please. Those of us in this sitch know that life is just not as simple as you think, especially when we complicate it with loving someone else.

PS Sorry, Edman, for jumping in like this. It's your thread...but I feel like we're kinda in the same boat.

Ed69s girl

Edman, from what I get from you. Your wife is very selfish. What I think you should is simple. She can either start making an effort to give you some attention(bj, handjob) or forget any attention to her. It isn't right, is she truly has a sex drive and yet won't let you finish after she cums. She is not living up to her marriage vows. If anything next time she wants to be done and doesn't want you to finish. If possible masturbate and cum all over her face.

Hellboy, you could say that you have a slightly different situation in that for some reason your partners sexdrive has dropped and yours hasn't. There are multiple reason for this and some we don't even see right away.
Depression, stress, lack of sleep and pain are just a few that come to mind. So maybe see his doctor for in over all physical would shed some light on it.

edman

Thanks ed69sgirl, its good to know that its not me who's being selfish.

ChockoKittie

Ha! This is often very true!

I was in the same situation, loved my ex but his sex drive was very low, or rather, low in comparison to mine. So, I had to recognize his peaks and then coax him at other times. Example, he was hard every morning and that was his sexual peak of the day, so we usually had sex then.

Other times, I would call him at work and get him hard or at least thinking about sex. When we would see each other later, he was ready to act on whatever fantasy we discussed earlier. It can be done, if the partner has a low sex drive, but is still interested in sex.

If he isn't? I do not know what to tell you. Maybe some testosterone gel to get the hormones back on track?

I'll admit that I tired of trying so hard. Even though I loved him, in the end it wasn't enough to overcome the sexual differences. We even discussed getting married and allowing me to "do my thing" on the side, but, like you, I wanted the one relationship to fulfill everything. And I agree, masturbation does not cut it - why people suggest that is beyond me.

Hellboy0

Thanks, ChockoKittie, for that very honest and personal reply. And thank you also to Eds69_girl for your comments.

I don't think there IS any one answer to my dilemma or to Edman's. I'd love to be one of those take-charge guys that seems to know what to do and then just do it. I can be that way and have done so in a previous relationship. But I ended up throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I'll try your suggestions, though, Chocko. The morning sex sounds like a good one, as my partner usually complains that one of the reasons he's so low-interest is that by the time I get to him, he's already wanked so he's got nothing left...<cough...BULLshit...). Don't really get that excuse cuz after a very brief cool down, I'm always ready to go again. And I'm certainly not gonna change my sex drive to meet his. Tried that one for awhile and nearly killed me...and I nearly killed everyone else too when I turned into a raving grumpy bitch! LOL The DSB's do not make me a pleasant guy to be around. The only problem with the morning sex is that his excuse in the past has been "I'm trying to sleep here". But I'll persist!

naughty

Edman,Not knowing all the issues here I am not going to label your partner. Perhaps she may be depressed or depending upon her age suffering from the effects of perimenopause. Lack of desire, dryness, mood swings are all part of that. I applaud you for trying to be patient. I do agree that she should realize that even though she may not be feeling it, you are and that out of love and concern for you she might need to be a bit more creative. Sometimes people are so exhausted they cant even think about anything else. COuld that be the problem? For women sex doesnt usually start in the bed room. It may be that you need to make it an all day thing little ways in which you show her you care that may bring big dividends. Maybe I am crazy but the biggest turn on for me would be to see the undeniable signs of pleasure on the face of the man I loved but then that would just be me, right? Let her know that her vagina is not the only place love can be made there are hands breasts and mouths that can do amazing things.

"Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky , Stormy Weather...."

625girth

years ago when the wife and I were first married, one of her favorite sayings was "if he(she) doesn't get it at home, they'll get it elsewhere". now this wasn't directed towards me but usually one of her gfriends, but i did use this about 2 yrs ago on her when we were not having sex. my wife is post menoposal, and her sex drive is non-existent. so every once in awhile i remind her and it works. short term, but it works.

THEDUDEofDestiny

send her to me.

nubz69

edman I was in a three year relationship with a girl who is not unlike your wife. In the end the relationship died for obvious reasons. My girl had some very deep issues. Not only self image issues but intimacy issues and I think that she may have possibly been forced sexually in the past. It got to the point where she was messing me up psychologically because I thought something was wrong with me and that it wasn't normal to want sex. After leaving that relationship it took a while to get back to normal and now I am with a very sweet and loving girl. There is nothing wrong with me and my sex drive, the problem was with my X.

Sex is usually an indicator for the relationship. Though relationships have up and downs with sex if there is a real problem in bed then there is most likely a real problem with the relationship. Being as your married and I am assuming you wish to stay that way I think that she may need some councling. It is very possible that something tramatic happened to her in the past, she may have even repressed it to the point where she does not remember. If she is the kind of person that denys a problem till it "dissapears" then this is a serious issue. I hope you find some resolution but it may require some consoling and dealing with some of her baggage that may have nothing to do with you, your marrage or even sex per se.

horneyoldguy

There are other ways to have sexual intimacy. You could finger fuck her or tongue her until she climaxes while she either strokes or sucks your cock until you cum.

However, you might also want her to see some one about her problem to see if there is a physical reason for the pain. It may also mean that you and she might have to enter sex therapy if the problem is not physical but psychological.

Have you tried one of my favorite sites: http://www.adult-chitchat.com

My Yahoo IM is old_retired_big_guy