Celibacy

I might have to re think the celibacy when I move to the States.

How does location play a factor?

Sorry Sweet,
Just being ironic.

It depends what you want sex to mean. I can be happy with it having no meaning other than of itself, an expression of sexuality and sexual need, no more no less.

Power to you.

That doesn't cut it for everyone.

I have gone 3 years without being with anyone.

Not into meaningless sex.

But seems one night stands are the order of the day.

I can have more fun by myself.

Are celibates allowed to wank?

Wank, rub, stroke, grind.
Celibacy needn't preclude sexual satisfaction. In fact masturbation fits nicely with the reason many choose celibacy.

It's sex with someone you love.

I have never really been celibate, as in set a personal rule to be without sex. I'm just out of back to back long term relationships, and I find little difference between "in love" sex and any other variety. If I were to become celibate, there would be another reason like needing fully personal time.

I agree. I have never considered sex with anyone a "meaningless act". "It is what it is".

Quick question??? Why do they say "Practice celibacy"...
I've always been REALLY good at it, and never practiced a day in my life....


They say celibacy's a choice...
... when I was younger, it was mine, now, it's not my choice, but the choice of others.


It does have it's points, less aprehension of STD's, etc. If you also avoid the relationships, no heartbreak, just heartache.

Again though, doesn't it boil down to expectation and need? You can choose and take what you want.

Asexual celibacy - mmmhhh an odd one from my POV

Self gratifying celibacy - I'd probably throw cyber into this sexual condition.

Unconditional sex - an expression of sexuality without an attempt to build a permanent emotional attachment. Why is this meaningless?

Conditional sex - sex as part of a wider deal or emotional undertaking. I don't know why we are welded to thinking that this is the only type of sexual existence that means anything.

oh please!

I'm going to thump you with something.

You say condition like it should be in the DSMIII. It's a choice, not an illness.

1. Who is this "we"?

I fully understand that there are different approaches to sexuality. I've even tried the no strings version and didn't find it satisfying, before, during or after. I didn't work for me so I'm not going to continue doing it.
I'm not trying to tell anyone else what standards to set or what opinions to hold.

2. Why is unconditional sex an 'expression' of sexuality (sounds like performance art) but conditional (not fond of that term either) is just sex? Expression of one's sexuality doesn't cease because you've bonded with someone. From my own experience I've found it's only richer. By creating a bond of trust and acceptance some might feel even more free to express themselves. I do.

Using the art angle I'll say the difference for me is the difference between seeing an interesting piece and examining it for awhile versus following the artist over a period of their career and finding more depth and nuance each time.


I'm not sure what you mean by expectation and need. I expect that when I express myself sexually that what I'm expressing is understood rather than merely experienced. I need to feel this is the case to express myself fully.

Not only can I choose and take what I want, I can also decline to take what I don't want. This is what I'm doing.

Bugger - when I was actually thinking about this much earlier today, I did mean choice and certainly not condition. But then I also see that it ends as the sexual condition for those who don't have the choice despite their desire.

Now you - left left right combination

Why isn't it an expression of sexuality? Everyone (most) seem to think that it is a selfish act - it isn't or rather it doesn't have to be. You can be soemone's friend first and share sexual expression and pleasure with them - you know what, you can even stop having sex with them and remain their friend. The buddy part is the most important factor in being a fuck buddy. This is why your sexuality will be understood, they are your friend first and foremost.

Some people aren't in the position or simply don't wish to have the roses around the door, and I don't mean because they are playing away from home, though often they are, sometimes you can express your sexuality with someone who wishes to share theirs with you.

I will admit that my lifestyles facilitates this type of relationship.

OK - one night stands and affairs are different.

I will do another defense of the one night stand another time if you want

No, damn it. If you feel the need to defend the one night stand or the fuck buddy concept, please do so. But don't do it for my sake. I don't condemn either so they need no defence to me.

They simply aren't my thing. You might as well defend heterosexuality to a gay person. They understand it, they accept that it happens and they apply no judgement to it. It just isn't for them.

I've had one night stands. With a few my eyes were rolling in ecstasy, with others they were rolling as I thought "Why the fuck did I bother?".

I had a fuck buddy for 18 years. We respected each other, liked each other and fucked each other when the itch arose. The sex was always intense but in the end not as satisfying as what I've had with a loving relationship.

If the sex is good, I'm going to want it on a regular basis. Neither option above makes that likely. And frankly, I like sleeping in a shared bed nightly. I want the spooning, the warm contact and the battle of the blankets. Every night. Neither of the above options offer the likelihood of that either. And lastly, whether it actually happens or not, I want to be a mom. And I want to raise my child in a two parent household. Neither one night stands nor fuck buddies are conducive to fulfilling that desire.

I'm not "saving myself for marriage" or anything lofty like that, but if I know that if his long term wants don't match mine and it's bound to end, then really there's no sense beginning or even dabbling. If there's no possibility of having my desires met I don't wish to go through the wondering of will the sex be good, will he want the sex to be good for me (more questionable with a ONS), does he shave, will he want me to shave, how well does he kiss, what does he think of my kisses, when and where do we meet, which lingerie should I wear, etc. Cutting out the occasional has simplified my life nicely.

Why should I lift a finger, let alone a leg, for occasional to fleeting when neither occasional nor fleeting is what I want? For an orgasm?

If you're defending ONS or FB arrangements from the perception of them being selfish, don't. I happen to accept my own viewpoint as selfish. I know what I want and I'm not accepting less.



Short version.

You have the sex life you with people who are like minded and that's a good thing.

I want to have the sex life and a life with a person who is like minded. And when it happens it will be a good thing. If that means I have a longer wait, so be it.

I'm not asking you to defend your desires. I shouldn't have to defend mine.

Meaningless is not the right word. There may be meaning in a temporary arrangement but it is defined by that word. The physical may have no limitations but everything else does.
Pommes and oranges. Again, it's not but the limitations of a temporary emotional experience are there. It is rare to find that FWeeB who is truly a friend as well as a sex buddy and I am fortunate to have such a good friend in a former FWeeB. The attachment I have with my current partner is nothing like what I had/have with my friend. Neither is wrong nor bad. What you're suggesting is that one is thought to be ideal while the other isn't. I say neither is ideal for any one person unless they believe it to be so for themselves.