racism and dating.need some advice

With age we have both become less militant in our beliefs and have long ago reconciled. Our relationship is not the same. I definitely did permanent damage by following my heart; but I don't regret the good times or great memories.

[quote=quietguy;1361928] *Snip*

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NJQT, so sorry to hear about how your dad treated you. It aint fair to you or any potential husband of yours, and I wish people could see past skin color to accept others for their character. At least your mother owns the "good stuff" as you put it.

Like I said we aren't wealthy but mom does have a few furs and some rather nice jewelry. All of which I am allowed to borrow now, so it's not like I am a vulture waiting for either of them to kick the bucket.

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I very briefly dated an African-American woman, but that relationship never went far, and I never told my folks about it. Only later did I discover that my sister can't stand being around black people. I wish she thought otherwise, but it is up to her to choose her attitudes and the best I can do is call her on her words, and challenge her to become better.

The weird thing is dad was the Deputy EEO officer for a Navy base for many years. He fought against all types of discrimination and harassment on a daily basis. So imagine my surprise when I was in high school and found out I wasn't allowed to date white boys. I thought I was supposed to date and be friends with nice people from good familys. I didn't realize that would exclude all caucasians!

One of my sister's black boyfriends had this encounter at his high school back in midwest USA:

Black girl: "What's this I hear about you dating a white chick?! You think she's some trophy or something?"

Him: "It's because I'm tired of black bitches like you!"

(seriously; his words, not mine)

I say, go ahead and keep dating. It sucks that racism is so alive and well (and anyone who thinks that the South, as a category, isn't racist.. is a fucking LIAR), but somebody has to take a stand. Might as well be you.

Part of me says that, if this really goes long term, a future move would be good (I'd need all twenty fingers & toes to count the interracial combinations I've seen here, for example), and part of me says that you'd further the cause by setting a good example there at home.

I say go for it, of course. Others will have their own reactions for sure. I someone is put off by your choice of heart, then s/he'll just have to deal with it, it's not your responsibility to tiptoe around people who don't recognize a good thing (a happy couple) when they see it.

I (white boy) was with a black woman for almost two years. She is ten years my senior, and transsexual. It was my first time in an interracial relationship, and I had some time to get used to stares in public. But at the time I was proud, because I was so thrilled to spend time with her. We got ugly looks and muttered comments from people on the street, but such people can all go fuck themselves, am I right?

Don't let people who limit themselves to the 'right' kind of lover choose your lovers for you.

Just look at what qualities you like most and then appreciate that even more.

I'm sure I don't know exactly where you're coming from, mista geechee, never being put in your particular situation, and living a relatively sheltered life, but my best advice is to be confident in your relationship and enjoy your happiness and yourselves.

I'd also say that you should tell your family. They're much better off knowing. My younger sister once dated a black boy and they made each other very happy. It was a bit of a shock to my parents and especially my grandparents, but once they got to know him and how great they were together, he was pretty much adopted into our family.

Granted, different families will react differently, of course. I'm still a firm believer in sharing (or, at least, not being ashamed of/hiding) your happiness.


Good luck, sir.

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I know it's natural to worry about what family and friends think of your relationships but in the end you have to do what makes you feel fulfilled. You'll probably get some negative feedback but if they truly love you and want you to be happy they will be there for you. It's very sad that with all the valid issues in life we have to deal with, i.e. health, economy, racism is still an issue.
Good luck and be strong, your girl will no doubt catch some flak as well, be strong for each other and let your relationship blossom.

I say tell them. I don't know what its like to have such prejudice in the family, but what I do know is that it would be difficult to change your families' opinion. But what will happen if you do nothing.....Just that.

So what my grandpa Miroslav use to say "Жизнь слишком коротка. Не позволяйте этому беспокоить Вас.... Теперь пойдите, получают меня выстрел."

It kinda translates to, Life is to short. Don't let it upset you. Go get me a shot.

This is an opportunity to be courageous and walk free of the ignorance around you.

And serve as an example of a post racial society...

be honest, be unapologetic, be proud.... and act like it ain't no thing.


And when people give you shit for it... don't get angry...

Laugh... make some "heat of the night-guess who's coming to dinner" joke... and when they can't laugh along... just look sad for them...


Have compassion for the suffering of those who are filled with unreasoning hate.

It is not fun being them.

Hmmm.... this is tricky. I'm black too and I'm your age TC but I'm from Jersey. Racism is everywhere and you're gonna get looks everywhere you go but I see the main issue is with your fam. Family is always a sensitive area but it seems you really like this girl. I'd be up front with them. I wouldn't quite yet take her to meet them but just tell them you have a girlfriend and she's white and see how they react. If they react favorably or at least understand then congrats problem solved. If they get upset.... fvck it. It's your life and if its right to you then go for it. Really in the end it doesn't matter much what your family says. It's what you feel is right. And if you really like this girl go for it.