I sometimes wonder if I and others here tend to seek the unattainable. I have wanted bondings with guys that are straight, alcoholic, too young, or simply not into long-term relationships. And one was a closetted college track athelete. Perhaps we tend to pass up opportunities that are too easy for us, maybe as a way of preventing actual commitment to another, but laying the blame on the other guy's hangups and not on our own.

But, as I am not a licensed therapist/psychologist/counselor I don't claim to know the reasons we seek this self-abuse.