In college, my best friend, he was the greatest. I just loved him so much and he really loved me too. The pain was unbearable. We cried together a few times becasue he actually really wanted to be there for me and of course I did not want him to be anyone other than himeself. I think we couldn't understand that really we became each others family and had no way to express that to the other. We still chat or see each other once a year. I know to keep my exposure down. I am fine now but actually found the better loves in my life were guys I was not crazy in love with...but felt a quiet deep love for. Some times I think it was all just so wasted time...yet I couldn't help myself. I swear he had almost a chemeical reaction on me...and just the most beautiful body. He looked like Dermont Malroney. It was kind of funny though...everyone new I was gay...everyone new he was straight...but know one could figure out our relationship. We actually thought that was great. He never cared that anyone thought we might be fucking...he had no bigotry in him and thought it was never a put down or un masculine...just another reason I guess I loved him.