Hi Gang,

I thought I would weigh in on this literary gang bang

Having written a couple of erotic stories myself, with an attempt at plot line and character development, I can say that it is harder than it looks. The time it takes the writer to develop the plot line and allow the character to grow tends to detract from the real reason people like to read erotica -- hot sex.

I hope this doesn't come across as too pedantic, I'm just trying to be helpful. Please take it in the spirit it is intended. What I sometimes find to be helpful is once you are finished the story, set it aside for a day or two then go back and give it an edit to tighten up the paragraphs and cut down some of the superfluous description. A trick to increase the sex and erotica might be to throw in a flash back to a previous sexual encounter or expand some of the sexual fantasy thoughts of the character to spice up the story for the reader.

I think Aliensrus is developing an interesting plot line in this story. The challenge is to give the erotica reader what they are looking for -- some sex and descriptions of sexual prowess -- while you are developing the plot line and the characters. The difficulty with this particular story is that Doug can't think about anyone having a great bod or sexual prowess except himself. The author is restricted by the attitude of our lead character.

The fact that we as readers all hate Doug and are looking forward to him being put in his place suggests to me that Aliensrus is successful at what he is trying to accomplish.

The title, Doug's Comeuppance, does suggest our obnoxious lead character is going to get his in the end I for one will keep reading if only to see Doug put in his place.

The reference to our hero Mark balancing his text book on Charlotte's ass doing his math homework while she moaned from his sexual prowess is terrific -- a bit unbelievable, but terrific. I think I will have that image in my mind for a long time...

My one suggestion is to try and weave more sexual description and physical description into the story where possible.

I'm looking forward to the next installment.

cheers

JJ