Bad Break Ups Often Lead to Depression and Stalkers

I think you are both right lol

I think she wanted an all-consuming relationship
with absolutely no sex
and I just wanted a casual friendship
(I never stop learning,
and being surprised at,
how much I have to explain everything all the time)

while we were friends
she was also having a ridiculous on/off emotionally damaging
sexual affair/obsession
with a semi-famous rock-star ....

I seem to attract people with problems
(maybe because I have also had some problems)

Maybe there is something wrong with how my brain works inconjunction with my heart. Either that or I must be the weirdest woman on the planet. On the rare instance when I have expressed a romantic interest in a gay man. When he told me he was gay, I was able to shut off those romantic feelings. In my mind, falling for a gay guy is as pleasant and useful as spitting into the wind.

In the instance of a straight man telling me let's just be friends. I usually just bail as it is far too painful to be his friend when he is dating other women who aren't anywhere near as good for him as I would be.

that sounds sane and healthy
but most people are not sane and healthy

.

Now why would you say something must be wrong with you when clearly you think quite the opposite! LOL! I am glad you are able to do that. Just some others are not. It is just the difference in how people are wired. Not good not bad just different. Yes the lets be friends thang is problematic at best. Lets face it . You are rejecting the person for some reason. You may not even wish to go there because it may not be PC but it is there. I think that some individuals genuinely care for the other person but they just might not be the one but they dont want ot lose the connection. I had one person tell me he had enough friends. I said Excuse me! LOL! This was someone I ahd been friends with in college who just showed up 15 years later and started moving straight to the wedding track without my knowledge or consent. It happens.

You sound like me. In grad school, a similar type of woman "selected" me as her "best friend." After strenuous attempts to decline the "honor," I gave up and let her spend time with me. For about two years, off and on. Yes, I was weak.

I eventually had to tell her the truth--that I'd always thought she was crazy, from day one--before she became offended and broke the "friendship" off with me.

NCbear (who's damned glad he found a way to get rid of her)

Well, think of it this way: SHE GONE NOW.

:high five:

NCbear (who still is damned glad he thought of a way to get rid of his needy, clingy, obsessive-compulsive, codependent "friend")

Relationships between people who are prone to depression or who have the personality to be stalkers often lead to bad break ups.

Did I just blow your mind?

im usually the asshole when it comes to breaking up idk why but i am

if your with someone for 14 years......do you tell them one day you love them then the very next day leave them?.........this happened to me approx 8 months ago and caused a great deal of stress and worry to me as i dont have answers as to why......ocassionally we still chat but i am not allowed under any circumstances to ask why he left which is very very frustrating for me.........i consider myself a good guy and gave 100% sexually,emotionally and financially throught our time together.....i cant get any answers why he left and i feel it is bad for anyone to do this to someone they "supposedly loved" as their is no closure really..........after almost 8 months totally alone ive taken steps to move on and put the past 14 years behind me and by joining this forum im hopefully putting myself in the favourable position of making a fresh start and finding someone new........please folks if your leaving your loved one the best you can do is explain to them why you made your choice and dont leave them in limbo wondering why.

There are no victims, only volunteers. The majority of the friends that i have who complain about being dumped aren`t willing to look at the part they played in the relationship and thus are doomed to repeat the same stupid crap.
I have some friends who will dump you in a heart beat for fear of rejection or comitment, they can`t seem to make their mind up on which.
People only stalk because chances are the person their stalking treats them like shit and for some sick reason the person stalking feels that`s what they deserve.


lafever

I love this topic njqt!

I ALWAYS break up face to face. I point out the difficulties that we have been having together. I tell them how I feel about the relationship and why I don't feel it is working anymore. I give them a chance to tell me what they think of me, and that's rarely pleasant.

Closure is absolutely important. And sometimes this strategy has yielded friends down the line. I have exes who actually speak to me and still like me. That doesn't always happen.

It's really too bad more men aren't good at breaking up with a partner. I think a lot of it has to do with being afraid of hurting the other person, and even just bad communication skills. Believe me, you do a favor for the one with whom you are ending a relationship if you meet and talk it through. You get closure, the other gets closure, and then both of you can move on with clean slates.

I have friends who stalk people. In fact, I have gone out with them while they were on stalkingmissions. I have driven the get-away vehicles, I have waited with cab drivers, I have spoken to new fiancees and wives, I have helped guess paswords, I have stood guard while vandalism occurred. I have tried talking them out of it, I have tried calling the cops on us. I have had many, many lengthy conversations.

And his reasons are sooo, sooo right. These beautiful, dynamic, intelligent, resourceful, seemingly normal women went nuts, and though they could not see it, they were stalking men who abused them, lied to them, disrespected and disreguarded them. The worsethese men treated them, the more likely they were going to be stalked. Why? Clearly my friends didn't believe they deserved better.

All but one have broken out of this sick habit, and the one that hasn't just seems to miss the days when she didn't know where her man was. She now has a good husband who never hits her, comes home every night, helps with their baby, buys her whatever she wants (or encourages her to buy it herself which is the same thing really since nearly all of their money is really from her dowry) and protects her from harm. He's not perfect by any means, but a woman could do a lot worse. But she's still stalking her ex. We thought she'd stopped years ago around the time all the other girls outgrew stalking, around the time she got engaged, or at least by the time she got married and she and her husband got busy running the store her parents gave them as a wedding present. But no. She's not done. A friend of mine went out with her a few months ago, and it turned out the restaurant this woman picked (which was awful and over-priced) was owned by the ex we used to help her stalk!

Why is she still stalking this man? Because she never felt she deserved to be as happy as she is. She had a hard time conceiving, and spent years and hundreds of thousands getting pregnant. And no sooner did she come home with a healthy baby, than she started stalking the ex again. I know this girl, and KNOW it to be FACT that if she were suitably miserable inher marriage she could finally be unhappy enough to stop looking for her ex's new businesses, and stop following he and his wife around like a creepy psycho.