Is there truly someone out there for everyone?

It`s not the boat in the water but the water in the boat that sinks it. Stop looking and you`ll find Mr. Right, even if you have to start as friends, building a relationship outside of selfish wants and needs is the key to catching the man you want.


lafever

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Originally Posted by naughty No... some pots have no lids.

I don't like that answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lafever It`s not the boat in the water but the water in the boat that sinks it. Huh? Stop looking and you`ll find Mr. Right, even if you have to start as friends, building a relationship outside of selfish wants and needs is the key to catching the man you want. What the fuck?!?

Did you even read the rest of this thread? Why is it always the smugly and/or happily married people that say this crap. My selfish wants and needs?!? You mean wanting a serious relationship with a man who is neither an alcoholic nor a drug addict has no prison record and isn't emotionally or physically abusive. I'd also like it if he had all his own teeth and was gainfully employed. Damn, I see what you mean! I have been way too pick in separating the wheat from the chaff. NOT!!!

LOL, njqt!!!

Yeah, I guess I have incredibly high standards too. I want a man who isn't addicted to work, sex, substances, alcohol, food, or anything. I want a man who isn't emotionally unavailable, emotionally abusive, physically abusive, or entirely narcissistic.

I prefer the gainfully employed and the grounded guy who can support himself. I prefer he has a heartbeat and can draw breath.

Wow, you and I are way too picky and we are both looking too hard! LOL!

Yeah, I also get annoyed with happily partnered people (friends) who give me advice on how I will find (or should find) true love. It's rarely helpful and rarely correct for my situation. And often later on, these happily partnered people will come crying to me when their relationships turn sour and ask ME for advice and support. LOL!

Well, I just have to say I'm in a period of reprise. I don't care whether or not I have a partner, ever. And I'm honestly not bitter about it. I was bitter only a month ago. Now I've accepted that it's not that big a deal and that I'm happy with my life the way it is. If someone comes along to share it on another level other than friends, then it's a bonus. If not, well, I know how to make myself happy.

I have seriously had this attitude for about the past 3 months... an attitude I was never able to have before, ever, in my life.

It has made life so much easier, so much more enjoyable, and I can be as picky as I want. Amazingly, the girls that are options now are prettier than they have ever been, its really just up to me. I have never been in this position, and I rather like it.

RE: OP....

There is somebody for everyone, but... Some people meet that person many times, and cannot stand what they see, because they are not aware of their own faults.

I cruised through the first four pages of this thread, then skipped right to the end because, frankly, I don't have all day for it.

But I do have strong opinions regarding lovers and relationships of the stable and long-term kind.

First: I believe that it is a myth that there is only ever one person for the other. It's horribly unfair to both yourself and the other person to expect (and eventually demand) that one person fulfill all your expectations in life. By such a standard anyone would fall short.

Second: A person's needs and goals shift and change as s/he grows and learns. This is not a selfish thing necessarily, but a pragmatic and realistic, reasonable thing. The person best suited to you in a certain time in your life may not be the best person five years later.

Third: Enduring relationships are all about compromise, but it becomes very difficult to compromise continuously without eventually feeling compromised. I have always said that relationships are the balance of the needs of three separate and completely equal parties: You, the other person, and the relationship itself. Knowing when it's in the best interest of the relationship to compromise (or stand firm) can get really sticky.

Four: Bitterness is the greatest enemy of finding the right person for you at the right time. Learning from a past mistake without making sweeping generalizations about a specific sex, race, body type, etc is one of the most difficult but necessary lessons one can try and accomplish.

I can give two examples of enduring, permanent relationships. One I know well, the other I have observed over many years as a complete outsider:

1) Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward. By all accounts they have a happy, stable partnership that has grown more intimate over the years. It would be tempting to say that each was the destiny of the other, that they were made to be together. But what if Paul had been a mechanic instead of an actor? Even if their lives had crossed at the same point in time, would they have been able to make it work? Would they have even considered each other as a possible mate?

2) My roommate and his best friend/business partner. They met in college over twelve years ago and have survived changes that would swamp any normal partnership. She stood by him when he married a woman (and the divorce that inevitably followed). She was there when he came out gay, took care of him when he got dreadfully sick and almost died, has weathered his multifarious relationships with men who ranged from difficult to impossible. They run a very successful business together and spend most of their downtime together, besides. Aside from sex (which was never in the picture), they are very much a power-couple and cannot imagine life without the other.